If you inquire the best form of entertainment， I'll recommend music to you because I love music.
Listening to music， we'll find ourselves mysteriously lead [ led ] （1） out of the concrete （具體的） surroundings， while softly being conquered by the atmosphere it produces. It is the music language， consisting of melody （曲調(diào)）， beats （節(jié)奏）， as well as what is produced by background instruments， that plays such a magic. Classical pieces （古典曲子） ， which are relatively more genteel （斯文的） ， contain the creams [ cream ] （ 2 ） of human history and culture and reflect out [ reflecting ] （ 3 ） forerunners'views towards art and life. Modern music， however， stands out in sharp relief （對比）。 It is more exciting， arousing us from dull life. Absorbed in music， we'll be pleased to see the world is so richly vivid. And we are ready to face life with a freshened mind.
Playing music ourselves is supposed to be of equal fun， though most students [ most of us students ] （ 4 ） can not play musical instruments or compose our own music. We can demonstrate （展示） our unique tastes in singing， which is enough to express ourselves in an understandable way. Music is a sort of communication in which sparkles some spirit [ which can enliven in our minds something] （5） that will never die.
Students' lives are bound up with monotonies [ monotony （單調(diào)） ] （6 ） to a great extent. Many a time， I struggle to stretch out my arms in desire for a change in life and find music is amongthe very few forms of entertainment available. Fortunately we have it within our reach while many other distractions（消遣） do not belong to our world at all. So music appears to be outstandingly precious.
I love music. I love its artistic conception and the resonance （共鳴） it sets up. I appreciate it as some real art as well as aid. Don't you feel like it， too？
上海外國語學(xué)校 林穎
評 語
文章能模仿歐美散文作家的文體和語氣，用抽象的詞語來表達自己的思想，選詞和語句結(jié)構(gòu)也表現(xiàn)出較高的語言運用能力。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1）這里lead作ourselves的賓語補足語，是被動含義，應(yīng)該用過去分詞led.
（2）cream 作抽象意義用時含義為the best part（of），但一般用作單數(shù)。
（3）原文 reflect out （反映出）中的 out是多余的。另外，把reflect改成分詞形式reflecting，使句子的主要動詞contain更加突出，reflecting短語為補充說明。
（4）作者顯然把自己放在學(xué)生地位，因此，僅說most students 似乎有游離開學(xué)生的感覺，加上us會使作者的學(xué)生地位更明確。
（5）原句“in which…”這一定語從句，作者想用的是倒裝語序，但不夠自然，特別是介詞in用得不好，故改之。
（6）monotony是不可數(shù)名詞。
Listening to music， we'll find ourselves mysteriously lead [ led ] （1） out of the concrete （具體的） surroundings， while softly being conquered by the atmosphere it produces. It is the music language， consisting of melody （曲調(diào)）， beats （節(jié)奏）， as well as what is produced by background instruments， that plays such a magic. Classical pieces （古典曲子） ， which are relatively more genteel （斯文的） ， contain the creams [ cream ] （ 2 ） of human history and culture and reflect out [ reflecting ] （ 3 ） forerunners'views towards art and life. Modern music， however， stands out in sharp relief （對比）。 It is more exciting， arousing us from dull life. Absorbed in music， we'll be pleased to see the world is so richly vivid. And we are ready to face life with a freshened mind.
Playing music ourselves is supposed to be of equal fun， though most students [ most of us students ] （ 4 ） can not play musical instruments or compose our own music. We can demonstrate （展示） our unique tastes in singing， which is enough to express ourselves in an understandable way. Music is a sort of communication in which sparkles some spirit [ which can enliven in our minds something] （5） that will never die.
Students' lives are bound up with monotonies [ monotony （單調(diào)） ] （6 ） to a great extent. Many a time， I struggle to stretch out my arms in desire for a change in life and find music is amongthe very few forms of entertainment available. Fortunately we have it within our reach while many other distractions（消遣） do not belong to our world at all. So music appears to be outstandingly precious.
I love music. I love its artistic conception and the resonance （共鳴） it sets up. I appreciate it as some real art as well as aid. Don't you feel like it， too？
上海外國語學(xué)校 林穎
評 語
文章能模仿歐美散文作家的文體和語氣，用抽象的詞語來表達自己的思想，選詞和語句結(jié)構(gòu)也表現(xiàn)出較高的語言運用能力。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1）這里lead作ourselves的賓語補足語，是被動含義，應(yīng)該用過去分詞led.
（2）cream 作抽象意義用時含義為the best part（of），但一般用作單數(shù)。
（3）原文 reflect out （反映出）中的 out是多余的。另外，把reflect改成分詞形式reflecting，使句子的主要動詞contain更加突出，reflecting短語為補充說明。
（4）作者顯然把自己放在學(xué)生地位，因此，僅說most students 似乎有游離開學(xué)生的感覺，加上us會使作者的學(xué)生地位更明確。
（5）原句“in which…”這一定語從句，作者想用的是倒裝語序，但不夠自然，特別是介詞in用得不好，故改之。
（6）monotony是不可數(shù)名詞。