When I was growing up, I was embarrassed to be seen with my father. He was severely crippled and very short, and when we would walk together, his hand on my arm for balance, people would stare. I would inwardly squirm at the unwanted attention. If he ever noticed or was bothered, he never let on.
It was difficult to coordinate our steps —— his halting, mine impatient —— and because of that, we didn＇t say much as we went along. But as we started out, he always said, "You set the pace. I will try to adjust to you. "
Our usual walk was to or from the subway, which was how he got to work. He went to work sick, and despite nasty weather. He almost never missed a day, and would make it to the office even if others could not. A matter of pride.
When snow or ice was on the ground, it was impossible for him to walk, even with help. At such times my sisters or I would pull him through the streets of Brooklyn, NY, on a child＇s sleigh to the subway entrance. Once there, he would cling to the handrail until he reached the lower steps that the warmer tunnel air kept ice-free. In Manhattan the subway station was the basement of his office building, and he would not have to go outside again until we met him in Brooklyn＇ on his way home.
When I think of it now, I marvel at how much courage it must have taken for a grown man to subject himself to such indignity and stress. And at how he did it —— without bitterness or complaint .
He never talked about himself as an object of pity, nor did he show any envy of the more fortunate or able. What he looked for in others was a "good heart", and if he found one, the owner was good enough for him.
Now that I am older, I believe that is a proper standard by which to judge people, even though I still don＇ t know precisely what a "good heart" is. But I know the times I don’t have one myself.
Unable to engage in many activities, my father still tried to participate in some way. When a local sandlot baseball team found itself |without a manager, he kept it going. He was a knowledgeable baseball fan and often took me to Ebbets Field to see the Brooklyn Dodgers play. He liked to go to dances and parties, where he could have a good time just sitting and watching.
On one memorable occasion a fight broke out at a beach party, with everyone punching and shoving. He wasn＇t content to sit and watch, but he couldn＇t stand unaided on the soft sand. In frustration he began to shout, "I＇ ll fight anyone who will tit down with me!"
Nobody did. But the next day people kidded him by saying it was the first time any fighter was urged to take a dive even before the bout began.
I now know he participated in some things vicariously through me, his only son. When I played ball (poorly), he "played" too. When I joined the Navy he "joined" too. And when I came home on leave, he saw to it that " I visited his office. Introducing me, he was really saying, "This is my son, but it is also me, and I could have done this, too, if things had been different." Those words were never said aloud.
He has been gone many years now, but I think of him often. I wonder if he sensed my reluctance to be seen with him during our walks. If he did, I am sorry I never told him how sorry I was, how unworthy I was, how I regretted it. I think of him when I complain about trifles, when I am envious of another＇s good fortune, when I don＇t have a "good heart".
At such times I put my hand on his arm to regain my balance, and say, "You set the pace, I will try to adjust to you."
當我長大時,我很尷尬,與我父親同在一樣。他嚴重受損,很短,我們會走在一起的時候,他的手放在我的胳膊保持平衡,人們就會盯著看。在un-我會內(nèi)心不安;要注意。如果他注意到了這些,不管他從不讓。
很難協(xié)調(diào)我們的步驟——他停止,我不耐煩了,正因為如此,我們沒有說太多。但是我們一開始,他總是說,“你的速度。我會試著適應(yīng)你。”
我們常常往返于從地鐵,到他上班。他有病也要上班,哪怕天氣惡劣。他幾乎從未誤過一天工,將使其辦公室,即使別人不可能。的驕傲。
雪或冰在地面上的時候,是不可能讓他走,即使有幫助。在這種時候我或我的姐妹們就把他拉過紐約布魯克林區(qū)的街道,NY,孩子的雪橇sub-入口。到,他便手抓扶手一直走到底下的臺階時才放開手,因為那里通道的空氣暖和些,地面上沒有結(jié)冰。在曼哈頓地鐵車站是他的辦公大樓的地下室,他就不會再出去,直到我們在布魯克林的在回家的路上遇見了他。
現(xiàn)在當我想到,我驚嘆于它必須采取多大的勇氣,一個成年人對自己這種侮辱和壓力。和他如何做到這一點,沒有痛苦和抱怨。
他從不談?wù)撟约菏峭榈膶ο?他也沒有表現(xiàn)出任何嫉妒的幸運或能力。他所期望的是人家"善良的心",如果他找到了一個,老板對他來說就夠不錯的了。
現(xiàn)在我老了,我相信這是一個適當?shù)臉藴蕘砼袛嗳?盡管我還不知道準確的“善良的心”是什么。但我知道我沒有我自己。
不能從事很多活動,我父親仍然試圖以某種方式參與。當一個地方業(yè)余棒球隊發(fā)現(xiàn)自己|沒有經(jīng)理,他便做了領(lǐng)隊。他是一個棒球迷,有豐富的棒球知識,他過去常帶我地埃比茨棒球場觀看布魯克林的鬼精靈隊的比賽。他喜歡參加舞會和晚會,在那里他可以有一個好的時間只是坐著看。
一個令人難忘的一次戰(zhàn)斗爆發(fā)在沙灘派對,每個人都沖,推推搡搡。坐著看他沒有內(nèi)容,但他不能獨立在松軟的沙灘上站著。在失望之下,他吼了起來,“我”會誰想坐下和我打?”
沒有人做。但是第二天,人們都取笑他說比賽還沒說這是第一次,拳擊手就被勸認輸之前開始。
現(xiàn)在我知道一些事情他參與通過我,他的兒子。當我打球時(差),他也在"打球"。當我參加海軍時,他也"參加"。當我回家休假時,他看到,“我去他辦公室拜訪。在介紹我時,他真的說,“這是我兒子,但也是我,我可以做到這一點,同樣,如果情況已經(jīng)不同了。”這些話從來沒有大聲說。
他已經(jīng)許多年了,但是我時常想起他。我不知道他是否感覺到我的不愿意和他走在一起的。如果他這么做了,我很遺憾,因為我從沒告訴過他我是多么愧疚、多么不孝、多么悔恨。我覺得他當我抱怨瑣事,當我羨慕別人的好運氣,當我沒有“善良的心”。
在這種時候我把我的手放在他的胳膊恢復平衡,然后說,“你定速度,我會試著適應(yīng)你。”
It was difficult to coordinate our steps —— his halting, mine impatient —— and because of that, we didn＇t say much as we went along. But as we started out, he always said, "You set the pace. I will try to adjust to you. "
Our usual walk was to or from the subway, which was how he got to work. He went to work sick, and despite nasty weather. He almost never missed a day, and would make it to the office even if others could not. A matter of pride.
When snow or ice was on the ground, it was impossible for him to walk, even with help. At such times my sisters or I would pull him through the streets of Brooklyn, NY, on a child＇s sleigh to the subway entrance. Once there, he would cling to the handrail until he reached the lower steps that the warmer tunnel air kept ice-free. In Manhattan the subway station was the basement of his office building, and he would not have to go outside again until we met him in Brooklyn＇ on his way home.
When I think of it now, I marvel at how much courage it must have taken for a grown man to subject himself to such indignity and stress. And at how he did it —— without bitterness or complaint .
He never talked about himself as an object of pity, nor did he show any envy of the more fortunate or able. What he looked for in others was a "good heart", and if he found one, the owner was good enough for him.
Now that I am older, I believe that is a proper standard by which to judge people, even though I still don＇ t know precisely what a "good heart" is. But I know the times I don’t have one myself.
Unable to engage in many activities, my father still tried to participate in some way. When a local sandlot baseball team found itself |without a manager, he kept it going. He was a knowledgeable baseball fan and often took me to Ebbets Field to see the Brooklyn Dodgers play. He liked to go to dances and parties, where he could have a good time just sitting and watching.
On one memorable occasion a fight broke out at a beach party, with everyone punching and shoving. He wasn＇t content to sit and watch, but he couldn＇t stand unaided on the soft sand. In frustration he began to shout, "I＇ ll fight anyone who will tit down with me!"
Nobody did. But the next day people kidded him by saying it was the first time any fighter was urged to take a dive even before the bout began.
I now know he participated in some things vicariously through me, his only son. When I played ball (poorly), he "played" too. When I joined the Navy he "joined" too. And when I came home on leave, he saw to it that " I visited his office. Introducing me, he was really saying, "This is my son, but it is also me, and I could have done this, too, if things had been different." Those words were never said aloud.
He has been gone many years now, but I think of him often. I wonder if he sensed my reluctance to be seen with him during our walks. If he did, I am sorry I never told him how sorry I was, how unworthy I was, how I regretted it. I think of him when I complain about trifles, when I am envious of another＇s good fortune, when I don＇t have a "good heart".
At such times I put my hand on his arm to regain my balance, and say, "You set the pace, I will try to adjust to you."
當我長大時,我很尷尬,與我父親同在一樣。他嚴重受損,很短,我們會走在一起的時候,他的手放在我的胳膊保持平衡,人們就會盯著看。在un-我會內(nèi)心不安;要注意。如果他注意到了這些,不管他從不讓。
很難協(xié)調(diào)我們的步驟——他停止,我不耐煩了,正因為如此,我們沒有說太多。但是我們一開始,他總是說,“你的速度。我會試著適應(yīng)你。”
我們常常往返于從地鐵,到他上班。他有病也要上班,哪怕天氣惡劣。他幾乎從未誤過一天工,將使其辦公室,即使別人不可能。的驕傲。
雪或冰在地面上的時候,是不可能讓他走,即使有幫助。在這種時候我或我的姐妹們就把他拉過紐約布魯克林區(qū)的街道,NY,孩子的雪橇sub-入口。到,他便手抓扶手一直走到底下的臺階時才放開手,因為那里通道的空氣暖和些,地面上沒有結(jié)冰。在曼哈頓地鐵車站是他的辦公大樓的地下室,他就不會再出去,直到我們在布魯克林的在回家的路上遇見了他。
現(xiàn)在當我想到,我驚嘆于它必須采取多大的勇氣,一個成年人對自己這種侮辱和壓力。和他如何做到這一點,沒有痛苦和抱怨。
他從不談?wù)撟约菏峭榈膶ο?他也沒有表現(xiàn)出任何嫉妒的幸運或能力。他所期望的是人家"善良的心",如果他找到了一個,老板對他來說就夠不錯的了。
現(xiàn)在我老了,我相信這是一個適當?shù)臉藴蕘砼袛嗳?盡管我還不知道準確的“善良的心”是什么。但我知道我沒有我自己。
不能從事很多活動,我父親仍然試圖以某種方式參與。當一個地方業(yè)余棒球隊發(fā)現(xiàn)自己|沒有經(jīng)理,他便做了領(lǐng)隊。他是一個棒球迷,有豐富的棒球知識,他過去常帶我地埃比茨棒球場觀看布魯克林的鬼精靈隊的比賽。他喜歡參加舞會和晚會,在那里他可以有一個好的時間只是坐著看。
一個令人難忘的一次戰(zhàn)斗爆發(fā)在沙灘派對,每個人都沖,推推搡搡。坐著看他沒有內(nèi)容,但他不能獨立在松軟的沙灘上站著。在失望之下,他吼了起來,“我”會誰想坐下和我打?”
沒有人做。但是第二天,人們都取笑他說比賽還沒說這是第一次,拳擊手就被勸認輸之前開始。
現(xiàn)在我知道一些事情他參與通過我,他的兒子。當我打球時(差),他也在"打球"。當我參加海軍時,他也"參加"。當我回家休假時,他看到,“我去他辦公室拜訪。在介紹我時,他真的說,“這是我兒子,但也是我,我可以做到這一點,同樣,如果情況已經(jīng)不同了。”這些話從來沒有大聲說。
他已經(jīng)許多年了,但是我時常想起他。我不知道他是否感覺到我的不愿意和他走在一起的。如果他這么做了,我很遺憾,因為我從沒告訴過他我是多么愧疚、多么不孝、多么悔恨。我覺得他當我抱怨瑣事,當我羨慕別人的好運氣,當我沒有“善良的心”。
在這種時候我把我的手放在他的胳膊恢復平衡,然后說,“你定速度,我會試著適應(yīng)你。”