Time to Say Goodbye
海明威初戀情人的分手信
Serving as an ambulance driver in Italy during World War I, an eighteen-year-old Ernest Hemingway was taken to a Milan hospital after an explosion badly injured his leg. In that hospital he met one of the great loves of his life—Agnes Hannah von Kurowsky, a twenty-six-year-old American nurse who cared for Hemingway as he recuperated. Hemingway was infatuated with von Kurowsky from the start, and for a time she seemed to have feelings for him as well, though von Kurowsky later said she merely “l(fā)iked” him and that their relationship was nothing more than a “flirtation.” Hemingway wanted them to get married, but von Kurowsky—because of the age difference, her belief that Hemingway was immature and aimless, and her interest in other menrejected the idea. In January 1919 Hemingway left the hospital but continued to write her. Von Kurowsky decided she finally had to convince him it was over, and on March 7, 1919, she wrote Hemingway the following letter.
Ernie, dear boy,
I am writing this late at night after a long think by myself, and I am afraid it is going to hurt you, but, I’m sure it won’t harm you permanently.
For quite awhile before you left, I was trying to convince myself it was a real love-affair, because, we always seemed to disagree, and then arguments always wore me out so that I finally gave in to keep you from doing something desperate.
Now, after a couple of months away from you, I know that I am still very fond of you, but, it is more as a mother than as a sweetheart. It’s alright to say I’m a Kid, but, I’m not, and I’m getting less and less so every day.
So, Kid (still Kid to me, and always will be) can you forgive me some day for unwittingly deceiving you? You know I’m not really bad, and don’t mean to do wrong, and now I realize it was my fault in the beginning that you cared for me, and regret it from the bottom of my heart. But, I am now and always will be too old, and that’s the truth, and I can’t get away from the fact that you’re just a boy—a kid.
I somehow feel that some day I’ll have reason to be proud of you, but, dear boy, I can’t wait for that day, and it was wrong to hurry a career.
I tried hard to make you understand a bit of what I was thinking on that trip from Padua to Milan, but, you acted like a spoiled child, and I couldn’t keep on hurting you. Now, I only have the courage because I’m far away.
Then—and believe me when I say this, it is sudden for me, too， I expect to be married soon. And I hope and pray that after you thought things out, you’ll be able to forgive me and start a wonderful career and show what a man you really are.
Ever admiringly and fondly, Your friend,
Aggie
親愛的厄尼小子：
夜已深了！我考慮了很久，還是打算寫這封信給你。我怕這會傷到你，但我知道這將不會成為你永遠的傷痛。
在你離開前的那段日子里，我努力使自己相信我們之間存在著真正的愛情，但因為我們好像總是意見不一。而那些吵吵鬧鬧也讓我覺得疲憊不堪，我也不想看到你做出一些傻事出來，所以我最終還是選擇放棄。
現(xiàn)在，在與你分開幾個月之后，我知道我仍然很喜歡你。但這更像母親，而不是愛人。我要還是個孩子就好了，可我不是，而且我也將隨著時間的流逝慢慢變老。
因此，孩子（對我來說你仍然是個孩子，而且以后也是），以后你能原諒我對你無心的欺騙嗎？你知道我并不是個壞人，也沒有存心要傷害誰。其實在你最初喜歡我的時候，我就壓根不能給你機會，這都是我的錯，到現(xiàn)在我還耿耿于懷。我們彼此年紀(jì)相差懸殊，我現(xiàn)在比你大，將來還是比你大，這是無法改變的事實。而你還只是個小伙子，一個孩子而已，這也是我不能回避的現(xiàn)實。
不知何故我總覺得有一天我會以你為榮，可是，親愛的小子，我不能等到那一天，對我來說草率的生活是不對的。
在從帕多瓦到米蘭的旅途上，我努力嘗試讓你了解我的一些想法，可你卻像個被寵壞了的孩子，使我不忍心再傷害你。而現(xiàn)在，我們離得很遠，我才有勇氣這么做。
還有，我很快就要結(jié)婚了——請相信我，當(dāng)我說這話的時候，連我自己也覺得突然。等你想清楚之后，我希望并懇請你能原諒我，并開始你美好的生活，展現(xiàn)真正的自己。
永遠愛你、喜歡你的朋友，
Aggie
海明威初戀情人的分手信
Serving as an ambulance driver in Italy during World War I, an eighteen-year-old Ernest Hemingway was taken to a Milan hospital after an explosion badly injured his leg. In that hospital he met one of the great loves of his life—Agnes Hannah von Kurowsky, a twenty-six-year-old American nurse who cared for Hemingway as he recuperated. Hemingway was infatuated with von Kurowsky from the start, and for a time she seemed to have feelings for him as well, though von Kurowsky later said she merely “l(fā)iked” him and that their relationship was nothing more than a “flirtation.” Hemingway wanted them to get married, but von Kurowsky—because of the age difference, her belief that Hemingway was immature and aimless, and her interest in other menrejected the idea. In January 1919 Hemingway left the hospital but continued to write her. Von Kurowsky decided she finally had to convince him it was over, and on March 7, 1919, she wrote Hemingway the following letter.
Ernie, dear boy,
I am writing this late at night after a long think by myself, and I am afraid it is going to hurt you, but, I’m sure it won’t harm you permanently.
For quite awhile before you left, I was trying to convince myself it was a real love-affair, because, we always seemed to disagree, and then arguments always wore me out so that I finally gave in to keep you from doing something desperate.
Now, after a couple of months away from you, I know that I am still very fond of you, but, it is more as a mother than as a sweetheart. It’s alright to say I’m a Kid, but, I’m not, and I’m getting less and less so every day.
So, Kid (still Kid to me, and always will be) can you forgive me some day for unwittingly deceiving you? You know I’m not really bad, and don’t mean to do wrong, and now I realize it was my fault in the beginning that you cared for me, and regret it from the bottom of my heart. But, I am now and always will be too old, and that’s the truth, and I can’t get away from the fact that you’re just a boy—a kid.
I somehow feel that some day I’ll have reason to be proud of you, but, dear boy, I can’t wait for that day, and it was wrong to hurry a career.
I tried hard to make you understand a bit of what I was thinking on that trip from Padua to Milan, but, you acted like a spoiled child, and I couldn’t keep on hurting you. Now, I only have the courage because I’m far away.
Then—and believe me when I say this, it is sudden for me, too， I expect to be married soon. And I hope and pray that after you thought things out, you’ll be able to forgive me and start a wonderful career and show what a man you really are.
Ever admiringly and fondly, Your friend,
Aggie
親愛的厄尼小子：
夜已深了！我考慮了很久，還是打算寫這封信給你。我怕這會傷到你，但我知道這將不會成為你永遠的傷痛。
在你離開前的那段日子里，我努力使自己相信我們之間存在著真正的愛情，但因為我們好像總是意見不一。而那些吵吵鬧鬧也讓我覺得疲憊不堪，我也不想看到你做出一些傻事出來，所以我最終還是選擇放棄。
現(xiàn)在，在與你分開幾個月之后，我知道我仍然很喜歡你。但這更像母親，而不是愛人。我要還是個孩子就好了，可我不是，而且我也將隨著時間的流逝慢慢變老。
因此，孩子（對我來說你仍然是個孩子，而且以后也是），以后你能原諒我對你無心的欺騙嗎？你知道我并不是個壞人，也沒有存心要傷害誰。其實在你最初喜歡我的時候，我就壓根不能給你機會，這都是我的錯，到現(xiàn)在我還耿耿于懷。我們彼此年紀(jì)相差懸殊，我現(xiàn)在比你大，將來還是比你大，這是無法改變的事實。而你還只是個小伙子，一個孩子而已，這也是我不能回避的現(xiàn)實。
不知何故我總覺得有一天我會以你為榮，可是，親愛的小子，我不能等到那一天，對我來說草率的生活是不對的。
在從帕多瓦到米蘭的旅途上，我努力嘗試讓你了解我的一些想法，可你卻像個被寵壞了的孩子，使我不忍心再傷害你。而現(xiàn)在，我們離得很遠，我才有勇氣這么做。
還有，我很快就要結(jié)婚了——請相信我，當(dāng)我說這話的時候，連我自己也覺得突然。等你想清楚之后，我希望并懇請你能原諒我，并開始你美好的生活，展現(xiàn)真正的自己。
永遠愛你、喜歡你的朋友，
Aggie