修改意見:
Nowadays many people want to become famous. They want to become famous athletes, rock stars, and movie stars. The most pertinent reason for their dream is that these famous people can earn millions of dollars every year. As a result, it becomes a constant debate as to whether these people deserve such high salaries. In my point of view, they should be paid so much. I will present my view in the following article.
Nowadays many people want to become famousathletes, rock stars, and movie stars. (兩句并一句比較簡潔。) The most pertinent reason for their dreams is that such（這里用these會(huì)引起指代不清的問題） famous people can earn millions of dollars every year. As a result, it becomes a constant debate whether those superstars deserve such high salaries. In my point of view, they should be paid that（用that貼切一些） much. I will present my view in the following article.
First and foremost, these people have worked very hard before their achievement. The hard working cost them a lot of time, energy and money. For example, a Chinese singer Zhang Huimei practices a song for hundreds of times prior to her performance. She has to spend a great amount of energy and, more important, money to achieve this goal. She deserves such high reputation in China. She also deserves such high income. In general, famous people paid much time and money to reach their achievement. As a result, they should have a much higher income than ordinary people.
First and foremost, those people have worked very hard before their achievements（注意一些單復(fù)數(shù)）. Working hard costs them a lot of time, energy and money. For example, Chinese singer Zhang Huimei practices singing a song for hundreds times prior to her performance. She has to spend a great amount of energy and, more important, money to achieve this goal. She receives such a high reputation in China and she also deserves such a high income. In general, famous people need to pay much time and money to reach their achievement. As a result, they should have a much higher income than ordinary people.
The second reason that convinces me is that those famous people make a huge contribution to their country. On the one hand, famous athletes win golden medals in some worldwide competitions, which not only bring them a high reputation, but also make their home countries famous and respected. On the other hand, famous entertainers have performance all over the world. This practice provides a great opportunity for foreigners to know them, as well as their country. Both of these present that these famous people should earn much money due to their contribution.
The second reason that convinces me is that those famous people make a huge contribution to their country. On the one hand, famous athletes win golden medals in some worldwide competitions, which not only brings them high reputations, but also makes their home countries famous and respected. On the other hand, famous entertainers have performance all over the world. Such activities provide great opportunities for foreigners to know them, as well as their country. Both of these present that those famous people should earn much more money due to their contribution.
這段還可以，注意單復(fù)數(shù)，注意代詞指代問題
Last but not least, those people earn their money legally, which means they get their money through a proper way. What I mean is that these famous people earn their money just like a businessman earns his profit. Some businessmen are very rich because they made a great effort. Similarly, some famous athletes and entertainers are rich due to their effort. People should not question their money just like business profit is not suspected generally.
Last but not least, those people earn their money legally, which means they get their money through a proper way. They earn their money just like a businessman earns his profits. Some businessmen are very rich because they made a great effort. Similarly, some famous athletes and entertainers are rich due to their efforts. People should not question their money just as business profit is not suspected generally.
In conclusion, based on the three reasons that I presented, famous athletes and entertainers deserve millions of dollars as their salaries. They can enjoy their life, but meanwhile, they should strive to make other achievements as well.
感覺結(jié)尾不是特別好，最后一句看不太明白。可以說，we should respect their efforts and the money they earn. We hope they will make more achievements during their careers and enjoy their lives at the some time.
總體來說結(jié)構(gòu)完整。表達(dá)最主要的是有點(diǎn)生硬的把中文翻譯成英文，而且詞匯使用比較單一。建議多聯(lián)系，同時(shí)自己多總結(jié)一些動(dòng)詞，形容詞，連詞等等，有助于把內(nèi)容表達(dá)更流暢。
Nowadays many people want to become famous. They want to become famous athletes, rock stars, and movie stars. The most pertinent reason for their dream is that these famous people can earn millions of dollars every year. As a result, it becomes a constant debate as to whether these people deserve such high salaries. In my point of view, they should be paid so much. I will present my view in the following article.
Nowadays many people want to become famousathletes, rock stars, and movie stars. (兩句并一句比較簡潔。) The most pertinent reason for their dreams is that such（這里用these會(huì)引起指代不清的問題） famous people can earn millions of dollars every year. As a result, it becomes a constant debate whether those superstars deserve such high salaries. In my point of view, they should be paid that（用that貼切一些） much. I will present my view in the following article.
First and foremost, these people have worked very hard before their achievement. The hard working cost them a lot of time, energy and money. For example, a Chinese singer Zhang Huimei practices a song for hundreds of times prior to her performance. She has to spend a great amount of energy and, more important, money to achieve this goal. She deserves such high reputation in China. She also deserves such high income. In general, famous people paid much time and money to reach their achievement. As a result, they should have a much higher income than ordinary people.
First and foremost, those people have worked very hard before their achievements（注意一些單復(fù)數(shù)）. Working hard costs them a lot of time, energy and money. For example, Chinese singer Zhang Huimei practices singing a song for hundreds times prior to her performance. She has to spend a great amount of energy and, more important, money to achieve this goal. She receives such a high reputation in China and she also deserves such a high income. In general, famous people need to pay much time and money to reach their achievement. As a result, they should have a much higher income than ordinary people.
The second reason that convinces me is that those famous people make a huge contribution to their country. On the one hand, famous athletes win golden medals in some worldwide competitions, which not only bring them a high reputation, but also make their home countries famous and respected. On the other hand, famous entertainers have performance all over the world. This practice provides a great opportunity for foreigners to know them, as well as their country. Both of these present that these famous people should earn much money due to their contribution.
The second reason that convinces me is that those famous people make a huge contribution to their country. On the one hand, famous athletes win golden medals in some worldwide competitions, which not only brings them high reputations, but also makes their home countries famous and respected. On the other hand, famous entertainers have performance all over the world. Such activities provide great opportunities for foreigners to know them, as well as their country. Both of these present that those famous people should earn much more money due to their contribution.
這段還可以，注意單復(fù)數(shù)，注意代詞指代問題
Last but not least, those people earn their money legally, which means they get their money through a proper way. What I mean is that these famous people earn their money just like a businessman earns his profit. Some businessmen are very rich because they made a great effort. Similarly, some famous athletes and entertainers are rich due to their effort. People should not question their money just like business profit is not suspected generally.
Last but not least, those people earn their money legally, which means they get their money through a proper way. They earn their money just like a businessman earns his profits. Some businessmen are very rich because they made a great effort. Similarly, some famous athletes and entertainers are rich due to their efforts. People should not question their money just as business profit is not suspected generally.
In conclusion, based on the three reasons that I presented, famous athletes and entertainers deserve millions of dollars as their salaries. They can enjoy their life, but meanwhile, they should strive to make other achievements as well.
感覺結(jié)尾不是特別好，最后一句看不太明白。可以說，we should respect their efforts and the money they earn. We hope they will make more achievements during their careers and enjoy their lives at the some time.
總體來說結(jié)構(gòu)完整。表達(dá)最主要的是有點(diǎn)生硬的把中文翻譯成英文，而且詞匯使用比較單一。建議多聯(lián)系，同時(shí)自己多總結(jié)一些動(dòng)詞，形容詞，連詞等等，有助于把內(nèi)容表達(dá)更流暢。