5. How to Handle Criticism
The surgeon reached over and jerked the syringe out of the nurse’s hand. "Jane, that’s the sloppiest injection I’ve ever seen!" he snapped. Quickly, his fingers found the vein she had been searching for. Cheeks burning, Jane turned away. Ten years later, Jane’s Voice still trembles when she related the experience.
Some of our male co-workers have it easier. They grew up encouraged to play team sports, and they had to handle a coach’s yells when they dropped the ball. Now they can see that a goof on the job is like dropping the ball in football; the fumble is embarrassing,but you take it in stride and go on.
But for most women, the path to success was different. As girls, we grew up wanting to be popular; we were praised for what we were, not for what we did. So our reaction to criticism is often, "Someone doesn’t like me. I failed to please. I’m a failure".
"I get defensive," says Rhonda, a teacher, "When someone criticizes me, suddenly I’m a little girl again, being scolded, and I want to make excuses. I want to explain that it’s not my fault -it’s someone else’s, or I want to hide and cry".
6. Take a Tactful Approach
How about giving criticism? The old "I-want-to-be-liked" syndrome can make it as hard to give criticism as to take it. Karen thinks she’s found the answer.
"Two weeks after I was promoted to first-line supervisor," she remembers, "I had to tell a friend that she was in trouble for not turning in her weekly reports on time. My boss suggested that I tell Judy I didn’t want to fix the blame-I just wanted to fix the problem. That Judy and she offered the solution."
Criticism in the workplace, whether you’re giving it or getting it, is always more effective when you focus on the task rather than on the person. Fixing the problem, not the blame, means that nobody has to feel chewed out or chewed up. We can still feel whole and learn something in the process.
The surgeon reached over and jerked the syringe out of the nurse’s hand. "Jane, that’s the sloppiest injection I’ve ever seen!" he snapped. Quickly, his fingers found the vein she had been searching for. Cheeks burning, Jane turned away. Ten years later, Jane’s Voice still trembles when she related the experience.
Some of our male co-workers have it easier. They grew up encouraged to play team sports, and they had to handle a coach’s yells when they dropped the ball. Now they can see that a goof on the job is like dropping the ball in football; the fumble is embarrassing,but you take it in stride and go on.
But for most women, the path to success was different. As girls, we grew up wanting to be popular; we were praised for what we were, not for what we did. So our reaction to criticism is often, "Someone doesn’t like me. I failed to please. I’m a failure".
"I get defensive," says Rhonda, a teacher, "When someone criticizes me, suddenly I’m a little girl again, being scolded, and I want to make excuses. I want to explain that it’s not my fault -it’s someone else’s, or I want to hide and cry".
6. Take a Tactful Approach
How about giving criticism? The old "I-want-to-be-liked" syndrome can make it as hard to give criticism as to take it. Karen thinks she’s found the answer.
"Two weeks after I was promoted to first-line supervisor," she remembers, "I had to tell a friend that she was in trouble for not turning in her weekly reports on time. My boss suggested that I tell Judy I didn’t want to fix the blame-I just wanted to fix the problem. That Judy and she offered the solution."
Criticism in the workplace, whether you’re giving it or getting it, is always more effective when you focus on the task rather than on the person. Fixing the problem, not the blame, means that nobody has to feel chewed out or chewed up. We can still feel whole and learn something in the process.