I had a baby pig. It was a lovely one. It was as white as snow and on its back with red pattern[with red patterns（圖案）on its back]（1）。 It was so fat that looked like[it looked like]（2）a ball. It had a big mouth and a small nose. Its tail was very short. It had four strong legs. Oh， I forgot to tell you that there was a hole on[in]（3）its back. So it was not a real pig but a savings-box（儲(chǔ)蓄罐）。
I liked my little“pig”very much and often fed it with my pocket money as food. The pig was always smiling. It seemed to be saying thanks to me in return. The pig was[grew]（4）heavier and heavier. At last， it was[became]（5）full of money.
One day， I was very sad to[have to]（6）break the pig into pieces because I would[was going to]（7）spend the money to contribute the coming XI Asian Games[contribute the money to the coming 11th Asian Games]（8）。
That night， I dreamed a sweet dream. The money I saved had been sent to Beijing. [The money I had saved was sent to Beijing.]（9）
江蘇省無(wú)錫市第十二中學(xué) 衛(wèi)曦臻
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章抓住“豬”的特征進(jìn)行描寫，全文語(yǔ)言活潑、生動(dòng)，用詞準(zhǔn)確，并能運(yùn)用比喻手法。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）“with+名詞+分詞/形容詞/介詞短語(yǔ)”，表示伴隨情況及補(bǔ)充說(shuō)明，如：He slept with the windows open./The teacher walked along the street with his students following him.
（2）原文so-that從句少了主語(yǔ)it.這可能是受漢語(yǔ)影響。漢語(yǔ)可省主語(yǔ)，但英語(yǔ)一般不行。
（3）說(shuō)“在……上面有洞”介詞要用in，不能用on，因?yàn)椤岸础笨傆幸欢ㄉ疃?，如：There is a hole in the wall. （墻上有個(gè)洞），介詞on只表示表面，如：There is a mark（記號(hào)）on the surface of the desk.
（4）、（5）用“動(dòng)態(tài)”動(dòng)詞grew和became比用was更生動(dòng)。
（6）加上have to表示“不得不”。
（7）was going to強(qiáng)調(diào)“打算”。
（8）“把……貢獻(xiàn)給……”應(yīng)該用“contribute…to…”結(jié)構(gòu)。
（9）主從句的時(shí)態(tài)用顛倒了。
I liked my little“pig”very much and often fed it with my pocket money as food. The pig was always smiling. It seemed to be saying thanks to me in return. The pig was[grew]（4）heavier and heavier. At last， it was[became]（5）full of money.
One day， I was very sad to[have to]（6）break the pig into pieces because I would[was going to]（7）spend the money to contribute the coming XI Asian Games[contribute the money to the coming 11th Asian Games]（8）。
That night， I dreamed a sweet dream. The money I saved had been sent to Beijing. [The money I had saved was sent to Beijing.]（9）
江蘇省無(wú)錫市第十二中學(xué) 衛(wèi)曦臻
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章抓住“豬”的特征進(jìn)行描寫，全文語(yǔ)言活潑、生動(dòng)，用詞準(zhǔn)確，并能運(yùn)用比喻手法。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）“with+名詞+分詞/形容詞/介詞短語(yǔ)”，表示伴隨情況及補(bǔ)充說(shuō)明，如：He slept with the windows open./The teacher walked along the street with his students following him.
（2）原文so-that從句少了主語(yǔ)it.這可能是受漢語(yǔ)影響。漢語(yǔ)可省主語(yǔ)，但英語(yǔ)一般不行。
（3）說(shuō)“在……上面有洞”介詞要用in，不能用on，因?yàn)椤岸础笨傆幸欢ㄉ疃?，如：There is a hole in the wall. （墻上有個(gè)洞），介詞on只表示表面，如：There is a mark（記號(hào)）on the surface of the desk.
（4）、（5）用“動(dòng)態(tài)”動(dòng)詞grew和became比用was更生動(dòng)。
（6）加上have to表示“不得不”。
（7）was going to強(qiáng)調(diào)“打算”。
（8）“把……貢獻(xiàn)給……”應(yīng)該用“contribute…to…”結(jié)構(gòu)。
（9）主從句的時(shí)態(tài)用顛倒了。