小伙伴們一起來看看出國留學(xué)網(wǎng)英語欄目的小編為大家?guī)淼?ldquo;BEC寫作解析：這封郵件有何不妥”吧~希望對大家有所幫助哦!
首先看一看這篇郵件請找出其中的問題，然后試著改一改呢~
From: A@rightway.com
Date: 25:7:1-16:06:29
To: B@rightway.com
Subject: REMINDER!!!
John
Appreciate if you would consider and bear in mind that I am no longer responsible for dealing with petty cash. Some of your staff keep bringing their vouchers to me, but this responsibility has been taken over by Martin in Accounts, he is the one who should be contacted henceforth for all petty cash matters.
Your cooperation is appreciated in making sure all your staffs know about this.
BRgs/Sally
下面，試著指出其中的問題~
Subject: REMINDER[a1] !!!
John
Appreciate [a2] if you would consider and bear in mind[a3] that I am no longer responsible[a4] for dealing withpetty[a5] cash. Some ofyour staff[a6] keep bringing their vouchers to me, but this responsibility has been taken over by Martin in Accounts, [a7] he is the one who should be contacted henceforth [a8] for all petty cash matters.
Your [a9] cooperation is appreciated in making sure all your staffs [a10] know about this.
BRgs[a11] /Sally
[a1]這里記得遵循SMART原則。
[a2]措辭唐突生硬，有種趾高氣揚(yáng)的囂張氣焰...這篇信函是ask for cooperation，所以語氣更應(yīng)誠懇和氣。同時應(yīng)該加上明確的主語。
[a3]雖然用的是would，但其實(shí)與“你必須記住!”無異。 [a4]這里也比較無禮。
[a5]猜測寫信人有可能是升值或者換崗位了，所以不負(fù)責(zé)現(xiàn)金兌換的事宜。但是語氣很高傲…蔑視了之前的這份工作。
[a6]這句話的語氣更是，把責(zé)任推給了收信人。
[a7]此處應(yīng)用句號。注意兩句完整的句子之間應(yīng)該加連詞，如and 或者but;或者使用分號連接兩個相對的完整句子。
[a8]這個詞比較過時，傳達(dá)的意義比較模糊。
[a9]結(jié)尾比較唐突。 [a10]Staff不能加s
[a11]此處為Regards，省略后不禮貌。
然后嘗試改寫看看
Subject: Sally’s Job Transfer
Dear John
Have you heard about the job transfer in our department? Now, I am dealing with other accounting problems arising in our current project, so Martin in Accounts will be responsible for the matters related with vouchers and what I previously did.
I would appreciate it if you communicate this message to your staff.
Thank you!
Best wishes
Sally
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