（1） 原句：In the school, Miss Li always been an inspiring source of help and support for me and others throughout the years.
編輯分析： “always been” Incorrect tense or missing word. “throughout the years” Flows better at the beginning of the sentence. “me and others” Reads awkwardly.
改正后：Throughout the years, Miss Li has always provided an invaluable source of assistance and support to many, including myself.
（2）原句： Miss Li is not only a mechanical teacher but also in charge of computer lab.
編輯分析： “is not only” Limit the use of the weak ‘to be’ verbs. “mechanical teacher” Can this more specific? “in charge of” Directs.
改正后：Miss Li not only teaches mechanics, but also directs the computer lab.
（3）原句：Although her work is numerous, she tackled every task, no matter how trivial or monotonous, with great patience and meticulous care. But, with her creative mind, she was never content with merely doing her job, either.
編輯分析：“is numerous” Awkward. “But, with her…” Awkward transition. ‘But’ does not work well at the beginning of the sentence here.
改正后：In spite of an immense workload, she tackled every task, no matter how trivial or monotonous, with great patience and meticulous care. Moreover, driven by her creative mind, she never settled with merely completion of her job.
（4）原句：Once the problems came in, she thought them from unique angles and put forward many good ideas to solve them.
編輯分析：“put forward” Better word…presented…suggested…
改正后：Once aware of the problems, she attacked them from unique angles and presented many practical and novel solutions.
（5）原句：Facing the conflict between the shorthand of the school and TOEFL, she chose to instruct her students to finish the courses of Mechanical CAD.
編輯分析：“Facing the conflict…” This sentence is somewhat unclear, especially upon the first reading. I have attempted to clarify the situation.
改正后：Facing a conflict between the need to take on extra responsibilities to alleviate a shortage of teachers at the school and preparing for the TOEFL, she chose to instruct students in courses of Mechanical CAD.
（6）原句： It is evident that burden of work effected her preparation for TOEFL, because she got GRE 2100 under less pressure from work.
編輯分析： “It is evident” I have rephrased for clarity and improved flow. “effected” affected.
改正后：That burden of increased work negatively affected her preparation for TOEFL, as demonstrated by her significantly better score on the GRE when she faced less pressure from work.
（7）原句：When she decided to leave us, although I, as director of this school, hate to let her go, I would like to renew my support for her today, as she sets her eyes on still grander horizons.
編輯分析： “I, as director…” I is unnecessary and confuses the sentence.
改正后：When she decided to leave us, though as director of this school I hate to see her go, I offered my full support. I would like to renew my support for her today, as she sets her eyes on still grander horizons.
（8）原句：I dearly hope that you will consider his application favorably.
編輯分析： “dearly hope” sincerely. “consider his application” her application. You have referred to the recommended teacher as ‘she’ and ‘miss’ throughout.
改正后：I sincerely hope that you will consider her application favorably and am confident you will be enlightened by her talents at your school.
總體評(píng)論：
千瘡百孔的英文，語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤、用詞不當(dāng)、句子結(jié)構(gòu)不恰當(dāng)，都可以分散閱讀者的注意力，給閱讀者造成誤解，無(wú)法看懂你究竟要說(shuō)什么。要知道評(píng)審委員要閱讀上百份申請(qǐng)材料，你的錯(cuò)誤可能使他（她）喪失對(duì)你的興趣和信心。
在申請(qǐng)文書(shū)寫(xiě)作中應(yīng)當(dāng)注意：
使用正確的英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作
要堅(jiān)持使用明確、直接和具體的表達(dá)方式
刪除不必要的詞匯和語(yǔ)句
堅(jiān)持使用主動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)
避免柔和、無(wú)色彩、猶豫和不果斷的語(yǔ)言。
語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤經(jīng)過(guò)反復(fù)的閱讀是可以更正的，但是用詞不當(dāng)和句子結(jié)構(gòu)不恰當(dāng)?shù)拿「恼饋?lái)則比較困難，對(duì)于英語(yǔ)不是母語(yǔ)的人士來(lái)說(shuō)，需要長(zhǎng)期艱苦的磨練。在以后的篇章里，將繼續(xù)分析片語(yǔ)使用、選詞、句子結(jié)構(gòu)和篇章開(kāi)頭結(jié)尾方面的錯(cuò)誤。
02月24日《留學(xué)申請(qǐng)文書(shū)寫(xiě)作常見(jiàn)錯(cuò)誤及分析》的延伸閱讀，我們精心準(zhǔn)備了推薦信撰寫(xiě)技巧供您參考。
推薦信必須由具公信力的人撰寫(xiě)才有信服力。評(píng)估申請(qǐng)人是否具備未來(lái)發(fā)展必要的學(xué)術(shù)或?qū)I(yè)資格。
推薦人必須誠(chéng)實(shí)、真正了解申請(qǐng)人的學(xué)經(jīng)歷，且推薦信內(nèi)容一切需以「事實(shí)」為依據(jù)。
推薦信內(nèi)容應(yīng)當(dāng)與申請(qǐng)人所繳交其他信息中對(duì)于自己的描述「不相抵觸」，而且要「相互呼應(yīng)」。
避免過(guò)度籠統(tǒng)和陳腔濫調(diào)。
好的推薦信應(yīng)當(dāng)由具備相當(dāng)知名度、且與申請(qǐng)人熟識(shí)的人撰寫(xiě)。申請(qǐng)人職場(chǎng)上的長(zhǎng)官、同事、或?qū)W校里的老師是最佳人選。相處時(shí)間夠久，寫(xiě)的推薦信才有價(jià)值。
推薦人的學(xué)術(shù)領(lǐng)域或技術(shù)背景最好是與申請(qǐng)人申請(qǐng)科系相同。另外亦可委托與學(xué)校當(dāng)局或?qū)W校評(píng)審委員關(guān)系密切的人撰寫(xiě)。
好的推薦信應(yīng)當(dāng)可以解答學(xué)校評(píng)審委員在審查申請(qǐng)書(shū)時(shí)會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)的一些問(wèn)題。
推薦信的重點(diǎn)應(yīng)該放在學(xué)校評(píng)審委員最認(rèn)為最重要的消息。如果你申請(qǐng)的科系以專(zhuān)業(yè)知識(shí)或?qū)嵱眯詾橹?，主管或公司同儕?huì)是比老師更好的推薦人人選。相反的，如果你申請(qǐng)念 Ph.D. 或以學(xué)術(shù)為主的科系，教授對(duì)于您學(xué)術(shù)資格的評(píng)估則較具可信力。
推薦人評(píng)估申請(qǐng)人的基準(zhǔn)應(yīng)當(dāng)在推薦信中詳細(xì)寫(xiě)出。（例如，推薦人過(guò)去五年內(nèi)任教的大學(xué)中，申請(qǐng)人在所有教過(guò)學(xué)生當(dāng)中確切的排名；或是申請(qǐng)人的業(yè)績(jī)占公司前一年總營(yíng)業(yè)額的百分比。
如果您還有什么不明白的，可以訪(fǎng)問(wèn)我們的留學(xué)申請(qǐng)文書(shū)寫(xiě)作頻道.再次感謝你閱讀本文，希望能幫助到你。