A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
兩個(gè)獵人進(jìn)森林里打獵，其中一個(gè)獵人不慎跌倒，兩眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一個(gè)獵人趕緊拿出手機(jī)撥通緊急求助電話。接線員沉著地說：“第一步，要先確定你的朋友已經(jīng)死亡?！庇谑?，接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響，然后聽到那獵人接著問：“第二步怎辦？”
Cat and Mice
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
布朗夫人去拜訪一位朋友，她拿著一個(gè)頂部扎滿了小眼兒的盒子?！昂凶永镅b的是什么？”朋友問道?！耙恢恍∝垼辈祭史蛉嘶卮鹫f，“你知道我晚上睡覺總夢(mèng)見老鼠，我非常害怕。這只貓可以抓住那些老鼠?！薄翱衫鲜蠖际羌傧氲难?。”朋友說。“小貓也是假想的?！辈祭史蛉诵÷曊f道。
I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病醫(yī)師：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我認(rèn)為我是一只雞。
精神病醫(yī)師：這種情況從什么時(shí)候開始的？
病人：從我還是一只蛋的時(shí)候開始。
我要表現(xiàn)得象位女士
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表現(xiàn)得象位女士
一天，遠(yuǎn)東百貨公司的女裝大減價(jià)，一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件?？墒?，沒過多久，他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。
他竭力忍耐著。后來，他低下頭，揮動(dòng)雙臂，擠過人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖聲叫道，“你難道不能表現(xiàn)得象位紳士嗎？”
“聽著，”他說，“我已經(jīng)象紳士一樣表現(xiàn)了一個(gè)小時(shí)。從現(xiàn)在起，我要表現(xiàn)得象個(gè)女士。”
The Broom Seller and the Barber
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.
"Two pence," said the man.
"No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."
The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.
"A penny." said the barber.
"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."
賣掃帚的人和理發(fā)師
一個(gè)賣掃帚的人去一家理發(fā)店修面.理發(fā)師向他買了一把掃帚.當(dāng)理發(fā)師給他修完面后,問了一下掃帚的價(jià)錢.
賣掃帚的人說:"兩便士"
"不,不"理發(fā)師說,"我只出一便士.如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話,可以把掃帚拿回去."
賣掃帚的人取回了掃帚,隨后問修面要付多少錢.
賣掃帚的人說:"我只能給你半個(gè)便士,如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話,你可以把胡子再替我裝上."
Want a Day Off 想請(qǐng)一天假
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, " We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. " I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
一天，史密斯去見他的客戶部領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，“老板”，斯密斯說，“我們家明天要大搞清潔，我老婆需要我回去幫忙清潔閣樓和車庫，搬搬挪挪什么的?！薄八姑芩拱。阋仓?，我們現(xiàn)在人手已經(jīng)不夠了”老板說，“明天的假我是沒法給你批了”?！岸嘀x老板，” Smith說，“我就知道跟著您干準(zhǔn)沒錯(cuò)”。
I Lost 我輸了
It was at a five o’clock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．
“So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？”
“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come，so we tossed up for it．”
“How nice！And so original， too！ And you won？”
“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost．”
五點(diǎn)鐘，下午茶的時(shí)間，一個(gè)年輕人因?yàn)檫t到向女主人致歉。
“您能來可真好，瓊斯先生，您的兄弟在哪兒呢？”
“您知道我們?cè)谵k公室里有非常忙，我們倆只能來一個(gè)，所以就擲幣來決定由誰來。”
“太有意思了！還那么有獨(dú)創(chuàng)性！那您贏了？”
“不，”年輕人心不在焉地說，“我輸了?！?
一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
兩個(gè)獵人進(jìn)森林里打獵，其中一個(gè)獵人不慎跌倒，兩眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一個(gè)獵人趕緊拿出手機(jī)撥通緊急求助電話。接線員沉著地說：“第一步，要先確定你的朋友已經(jīng)死亡?！庇谑?，接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響，然后聽到那獵人接著問：“第二步怎辦？”
Cat and Mice
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
布朗夫人去拜訪一位朋友，她拿著一個(gè)頂部扎滿了小眼兒的盒子?！昂凶永镅b的是什么？”朋友問道?！耙恢恍∝垼辈祭史蛉嘶卮鹫f，“你知道我晚上睡覺總夢(mèng)見老鼠，我非常害怕。這只貓可以抓住那些老鼠?！薄翱衫鲜蠖际羌傧氲难?。”朋友說。“小貓也是假想的?！辈祭史蛉诵÷曊f道。
I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病醫(yī)師：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我認(rèn)為我是一只雞。
精神病醫(yī)師：這種情況從什么時(shí)候開始的？
病人：從我還是一只蛋的時(shí)候開始。
我要表現(xiàn)得象位女士
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表現(xiàn)得象位女士
一天，遠(yuǎn)東百貨公司的女裝大減價(jià)，一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件?？墒?，沒過多久，他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。
他竭力忍耐著。后來，他低下頭，揮動(dòng)雙臂，擠過人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖聲叫道，“你難道不能表現(xiàn)得象位紳士嗎？”
“聽著，”他說，“我已經(jīng)象紳士一樣表現(xiàn)了一個(gè)小時(shí)。從現(xiàn)在起，我要表現(xiàn)得象個(gè)女士。”
The Broom Seller and the Barber
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.
"Two pence," said the man.
"No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."
The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.
"A penny." said the barber.
"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."
賣掃帚的人和理發(fā)師
一個(gè)賣掃帚的人去一家理發(fā)店修面.理發(fā)師向他買了一把掃帚.當(dāng)理發(fā)師給他修完面后,問了一下掃帚的價(jià)錢.
賣掃帚的人說:"兩便士"
"不,不"理發(fā)師說,"我只出一便士.如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話,可以把掃帚拿回去."
賣掃帚的人取回了掃帚,隨后問修面要付多少錢.
賣掃帚的人說:"我只能給你半個(gè)便士,如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話,你可以把胡子再替我裝上."
Want a Day Off 想請(qǐng)一天假
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, " We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. " I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
一天，史密斯去見他的客戶部領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，“老板”，斯密斯說，“我們家明天要大搞清潔，我老婆需要我回去幫忙清潔閣樓和車庫，搬搬挪挪什么的?！薄八姑芩拱。阋仓?，我們現(xiàn)在人手已經(jīng)不夠了”老板說，“明天的假我是沒法給你批了”?！岸嘀x老板，” Smith說，“我就知道跟著您干準(zhǔn)沒錯(cuò)”。
I Lost 我輸了
It was at a five o’clock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．
“So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？”
“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come，so we tossed up for it．”
“How nice！And so original， too！ And you won？”
“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost．”
五點(diǎn)鐘，下午茶的時(shí)間，一個(gè)年輕人因?yàn)檫t到向女主人致歉。
“您能來可真好，瓊斯先生，您的兄弟在哪兒呢？”
“您知道我們?cè)谵k公室里有非常忙，我們倆只能來一個(gè)，所以就擲幣來決定由誰來。”
“太有意思了！還那么有獨(dú)創(chuàng)性！那您贏了？”
“不，”年輕人心不在焉地說，“我輸了?！?