There was once a perfect gentleman whose whole household goods consisted of one bootjack and a comb. But he also had one of the most remarkable shirt collars in the world. I'll tell you a story about it.
When the shirt collar had passed his prime he turned his thoughts to marriage. In the fullness of time he went to the wash, and there he met with a garter.
"My!" said the collar, "anyone so slender, so tender, so neat and nice as you are, I never did see. May I know your name?"
"No," said the garter. "I won't tell you."
"Then at least tell me where you live?" asked the collar.
But the garter was so modest that she couldn't bring herself to answer such an embarrassing question.
"I believe you are a girdle," said the collar. "A sort of underneath girdle. And I dare say you're as useful as you are beautiful, my pretty little dear."
"I forbid you to speak to me," said the garter. "I'm sure I haven't given you the slightest encouragement."
"Your beauty is every encouragement," said the collar.
"Kindly keep away from me," said the garter. "You look too masculine."
"Oh, I'm a perfect gentleman," said the collar. "I've a bootjack and a comb to prove it."
This wasn't true at all, for they belonged to his master, but he liked to boast.
"Please don't come so close," said the garter. "I'm not used to such behaviour."
"Prude!" the collar called her as they took him from the washtub. They starched him, hung him over a chair back in the sun, and then stretched him out on an ironing board. There he met with a sadiron.
"My dear lady," said the collar, "you adorable widow woman, the closer you come the warmer I feel. I'm a changed collar since I met you, without a wrinkle left in me. You burn clear through me. Oh, won't you be mine?"
"Rag!" said the sadiron, as she flattened him out, for she went her way like a railway engine pulling cars down a track. "Rag!" was what she said.
The collar was the worse for wear at the edges, so the scissors were called for to trim him.
"Oh," said the collar, "you must be a ballet dancer. How straight you stretch your legs out. Such a graceful performance! No one can do that like you."
"I'm well aware of it," said the scissors.
"You deserve to be no less than a countess," said the collar. "All I have to offer is my perfect gentleman, bootjack and comb. Oh, if only I had an earldom."
"I do believe he's daring to propose," said the scissors. She cut him so furiously that he never recovered.
"Now I shall have to ask the comb," said the collar. "My dear, how remarkably well you've kept your teeth. Have you ever thought of getting engaged?"
"Why, of course," said the comb. "I am engaged-to the bootjack."
"Engaged!" the collar exclaimed. Now that there was no one left for him to court, the collar pretended that he had never meant to marry.
Time passed and the collar went his way to the bin in a paper mill, where the rags kept company according to rank, the fine rags in one bin, the coarse in another, just as it is in the world. They all gossiped aplenty but the collar chattered the most, for he was an awful braggart.
"I've had sweethearts by the dozen," he told them. "Ladies never would leave me alone, and you can't blame them; for I was such a perfect gentleman, stiff with starch, and with a bootjack and comb to spare. You should have seen me then. You should have seen me unbend.
"I'll never forget my first love-such a charming little girdle, so slender and tender. She threw herself into a tub of water, all for the love of me. Then there was the widow, glowing to get me, but I jilted her and let her cool off. And there was the ballet dancer, whose mark I bear to this day. What a fiery creature she was! And even my comb fell so hard in love with me that she lost all her teeth when I left her. Yes, indeed, I have plenty on my conscience. But the garter-I mean the girdle - who drowned herself in the wash tub, is the one I feel most badly about. Oh, I have a black record, and it's high time I turned into spotless white paper."
And that's exactly what happened. All the rags were made into paper, and the collar became the page you see, the very paper on which this story is printed. That was because he boasted so outrageously about things that never had happened. So let's be careful to behave we better than he did, for you never can tell. Some day we may end up in the rag bag, and be made into white paper on which the whole story of our life is printed in full detail. Then we'd have to turn tattletale on ourselves, just as the shirt collar has done.
曾經(jīng)有一個(gè)完美的紳士，他的整個(gè)家庭用品包括一個(gè)脫靴器和一把梳子。但他也有一個(gè)最顯著的襯衫領(lǐng)子在世界上。我給你講一個(gè)關(guān)于它的故事。
當(dāng)襯衫領(lǐng)子已經(jīng)通過(guò)了他的首相，他把他的想法，婚姻。在適當(dāng)?shù)臅r(shí)候他去洗，他在那里會(huì)見(jiàn)了吊襪帶。
“我！”領(lǐng)子說(shuō)：“任何人都那么苗條，那么溫柔，那么整潔，也很好，我從來(lái)沒(méi)有看到過(guò)。我能知道你的名字嗎？”
“不，”襪帶說(shuō)。”我不會(huì)告訴你的。”
“那么至少告訴我你住在哪里？”領(lǐng)領(lǐng)。
不過(guò)襪帶是如此謙虛，她無(wú)法回答這樣一個(gè)尷尬的問(wèn)題。
“我相信你是一根腰帶，”襯衫領(lǐng)子說(shuō)?！币环N在腰帶。我敢說(shuō)你和你一樣有用，因?yàn)槟愫芷?，我的可?ài)?！?BR> “我不許你跟我說(shuō)話，“襪帶說(shuō)。”我敢肯定，我沒(méi)有給你絲毫的鼓勵(lì)?！?BR> “你的美麗是每一個(gè)鼓勵(lì)，”衣領(lǐng)。
“請(qǐng)遠(yuǎn)離我，“襪帶說(shuō)。”你看起來(lái)太男人了。”
“噢，我是一個(gè)完美的紳士，”衣領(lǐng)說(shuō)。我脫靴器和一把梳子去證明它?！?BR> 這根本不是真的，因?yàn)樗麄儗儆谒闹魅?，但他喜歡吹牛。
“請(qǐng)不要靠的太近，“襪帶說(shuō)。”我不習(xí)慣這種行為。”
“假正經(jīng)！”領(lǐng)子叫她當(dāng)他們把他從洗衣盆。他們筆挺的他，把他吊在了椅子背在陽(yáng)光下，然后被他在熨衣板。在那里他遇到了一個(gè)熨斗。
“我親愛(ài)的女士，”領(lǐng)子說(shuō)，“你可愛(ài)的寡婦，你越近，我就越感到溫暖。自從我遇見(jiàn)你，我是一個(gè)改變的衣領(lǐng)，在我的身上留下了一條皺紋。你通過(guò)我燃燒。哦，你不屬于我嗎？”
“布！”說(shuō)的熨斗，因?yàn)樗馑チ怂姆绞骄拖褚粋€(gè)火車頭拉車下軌道。”抹布！”是她說(shuō)的。
衣領(lǐng)是更壞的磨損的邊緣，因此，剪刀被稱為修剪他。
“哦，”衣領(lǐng)說(shuō)，“你一定是一個(gè)芭蕾舞演員。你怎么伸直腿。如此優(yōu)美的表演！沒(méi)有人能像你那樣做?！?BR> “我很清楚，”剪刀說(shuō)。
“你應(yīng)該不少于一個(gè)伯爵夫人，”襯衫領(lǐng)子說(shuō)?！蔽乙o我的完美的紳士，脫靴器和梳子。哦，如果我有一個(gè)領(lǐng)地。”
“我真的相信他有膽量提出，”剪刀。她把他砍了這么猛，他沒(méi)找到他。
“現(xiàn)在我得找梳子，”衣領(lǐng)說(shuō)。親愛(ài)的，你的牙齒有多好啊。你有想過(guò)要訂婚嗎？”
“為什么，當(dāng)然，”梳子說(shuō)。我從事的脫靴器。”
“訂婚了！”衣領(lǐng)叫道。現(xiàn)在沒(méi)有人離開(kāi)他去法院，衣領(lǐng)假裝他從來(lái)沒(méi)有打算結(jié)婚。
時(shí)間過(guò)去了，領(lǐng)著他去了一家造紙廠，那里的一個(gè)破爛的公司，一個(gè)垃圾桶，一個(gè)垃圾桶，一個(gè)垃圾桶，一個(gè)垃圾桶，另一個(gè)，就如同它在世界上一樣。他們都說(shuō)很多但領(lǐng)子喋喋不休最多，因?yàn)樗且粋€(gè)可怕的人。
“我被打過(guò)的情侶，”他告訴他們?！迸擞肋h(yuǎn)不會(huì)離開(kāi)我，你不能責(zé)怪他們；因?yàn)槲沂且粋€(gè)完美的紳士，僵硬和淀粉，和一個(gè)脫靴器和梳子備用。你應(yīng)該看到我了。你應(yīng)該看到我伸直。
“我永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)忘記我的初戀這樣一個(gè)迷人的小腰，那么苗條而溫柔。她把自己丟進(jìn)了一桶水，都是為了我的愛(ài)。然后是寡婦，熱情洋溢的給我，但我拋棄了她，讓她冷靜下來(lái)。這一天，有一對(duì)芭蕾舞者，他的印記是我的熊。她是一個(gè)多么火熱的生物！甚至連我的梳子也很難愛(ài)上我，當(dāng)我離開(kāi)她時(shí)，她失去了所有的牙齒。是的，事實(shí)上，我有很多關(guān)于我的良心。但garter-i意味著腰帶-誰(shuí)把自己淹死在洗衣盆，是我感到最難過(guò)。哦，我有一個(gè)黑色的記錄，它的高時(shí)間，我變成了無(wú)瑕的白皮書?！?BR> 而這正是發(fā)生了什么。所有的衣服都是紙做的，衣領(lǐng)成了你看到的那一頁(yè)，紙上印著這個(gè)故事的紙。那是因?yàn)樗羞@樣做的事情從來(lái)沒(méi)有發(fā)生過(guò)。所以讓我們小心的表現(xiàn)，我們比他做的更好，因?yàn)槟阌肋h(yuǎn)不會(huì)知道。有一天，我們可能會(huì)在這個(gè)破破爛的袋子里，被做成白紙，我們的生活全是被印刷的。然后我們就把告密者自己，就像襯衫領(lǐng)子做了。
When the shirt collar had passed his prime he turned his thoughts to marriage. In the fullness of time he went to the wash, and there he met with a garter.
"My!" said the collar, "anyone so slender, so tender, so neat and nice as you are, I never did see. May I know your name?"
"No," said the garter. "I won't tell you."
"Then at least tell me where you live?" asked the collar.
But the garter was so modest that she couldn't bring herself to answer such an embarrassing question.
"I believe you are a girdle," said the collar. "A sort of underneath girdle. And I dare say you're as useful as you are beautiful, my pretty little dear."
"I forbid you to speak to me," said the garter. "I'm sure I haven't given you the slightest encouragement."
"Your beauty is every encouragement," said the collar.
"Kindly keep away from me," said the garter. "You look too masculine."
"Oh, I'm a perfect gentleman," said the collar. "I've a bootjack and a comb to prove it."
This wasn't true at all, for they belonged to his master, but he liked to boast.
"Please don't come so close," said the garter. "I'm not used to such behaviour."
"Prude!" the collar called her as they took him from the washtub. They starched him, hung him over a chair back in the sun, and then stretched him out on an ironing board. There he met with a sadiron.
"My dear lady," said the collar, "you adorable widow woman, the closer you come the warmer I feel. I'm a changed collar since I met you, without a wrinkle left in me. You burn clear through me. Oh, won't you be mine?"
"Rag!" said the sadiron, as she flattened him out, for she went her way like a railway engine pulling cars down a track. "Rag!" was what she said.
The collar was the worse for wear at the edges, so the scissors were called for to trim him.
"Oh," said the collar, "you must be a ballet dancer. How straight you stretch your legs out. Such a graceful performance! No one can do that like you."
"I'm well aware of it," said the scissors.
"You deserve to be no less than a countess," said the collar. "All I have to offer is my perfect gentleman, bootjack and comb. Oh, if only I had an earldom."
"I do believe he's daring to propose," said the scissors. She cut him so furiously that he never recovered.
"Now I shall have to ask the comb," said the collar. "My dear, how remarkably well you've kept your teeth. Have you ever thought of getting engaged?"
"Why, of course," said the comb. "I am engaged-to the bootjack."
"Engaged!" the collar exclaimed. Now that there was no one left for him to court, the collar pretended that he had never meant to marry.
Time passed and the collar went his way to the bin in a paper mill, where the rags kept company according to rank, the fine rags in one bin, the coarse in another, just as it is in the world. They all gossiped aplenty but the collar chattered the most, for he was an awful braggart.
"I've had sweethearts by the dozen," he told them. "Ladies never would leave me alone, and you can't blame them; for I was such a perfect gentleman, stiff with starch, and with a bootjack and comb to spare. You should have seen me then. You should have seen me unbend.
"I'll never forget my first love-such a charming little girdle, so slender and tender. She threw herself into a tub of water, all for the love of me. Then there was the widow, glowing to get me, but I jilted her and let her cool off. And there was the ballet dancer, whose mark I bear to this day. What a fiery creature she was! And even my comb fell so hard in love with me that she lost all her teeth when I left her. Yes, indeed, I have plenty on my conscience. But the garter-I mean the girdle - who drowned herself in the wash tub, is the one I feel most badly about. Oh, I have a black record, and it's high time I turned into spotless white paper."
And that's exactly what happened. All the rags were made into paper, and the collar became the page you see, the very paper on which this story is printed. That was because he boasted so outrageously about things that never had happened. So let's be careful to behave we better than he did, for you never can tell. Some day we may end up in the rag bag, and be made into white paper on which the whole story of our life is printed in full detail. Then we'd have to turn tattletale on ourselves, just as the shirt collar has done.
曾經(jīng)有一個(gè)完美的紳士，他的整個(gè)家庭用品包括一個(gè)脫靴器和一把梳子。但他也有一個(gè)最顯著的襯衫領(lǐng)子在世界上。我給你講一個(gè)關(guān)于它的故事。
當(dāng)襯衫領(lǐng)子已經(jīng)通過(guò)了他的首相，他把他的想法，婚姻。在適當(dāng)?shù)臅r(shí)候他去洗，他在那里會(huì)見(jiàn)了吊襪帶。
“我！”領(lǐng)子說(shuō)：“任何人都那么苗條，那么溫柔，那么整潔，也很好，我從來(lái)沒(méi)有看到過(guò)。我能知道你的名字嗎？”
“不，”襪帶說(shuō)。”我不會(huì)告訴你的。”
“那么至少告訴我你住在哪里？”領(lǐng)領(lǐng)。
不過(guò)襪帶是如此謙虛，她無(wú)法回答這樣一個(gè)尷尬的問(wèn)題。
“我相信你是一根腰帶，”襯衫領(lǐng)子說(shuō)?！币环N在腰帶。我敢說(shuō)你和你一樣有用，因?yàn)槟愫芷?，我的可?ài)?！?BR> “我不許你跟我說(shuō)話，“襪帶說(shuō)。”我敢肯定，我沒(méi)有給你絲毫的鼓勵(lì)?！?BR> “你的美麗是每一個(gè)鼓勵(lì)，”衣領(lǐng)。
“請(qǐng)遠(yuǎn)離我，“襪帶說(shuō)。”你看起來(lái)太男人了。”
“噢，我是一個(gè)完美的紳士，”衣領(lǐng)說(shuō)。我脫靴器和一把梳子去證明它?！?BR> 這根本不是真的，因?yàn)樗麄儗儆谒闹魅?，但他喜歡吹牛。
“請(qǐng)不要靠的太近，“襪帶說(shuō)。”我不習(xí)慣這種行為。”
“假正經(jīng)！”領(lǐng)子叫她當(dāng)他們把他從洗衣盆。他們筆挺的他，把他吊在了椅子背在陽(yáng)光下，然后被他在熨衣板。在那里他遇到了一個(gè)熨斗。
“我親愛(ài)的女士，”領(lǐng)子說(shuō)，“你可愛(ài)的寡婦，你越近，我就越感到溫暖。自從我遇見(jiàn)你，我是一個(gè)改變的衣領(lǐng)，在我的身上留下了一條皺紋。你通過(guò)我燃燒。哦，你不屬于我嗎？”
“布！”說(shuō)的熨斗，因?yàn)樗馑チ怂姆绞骄拖褚粋€(gè)火車頭拉車下軌道。”抹布！”是她說(shuō)的。
衣領(lǐng)是更壞的磨損的邊緣，因此，剪刀被稱為修剪他。
“哦，”衣領(lǐng)說(shuō)，“你一定是一個(gè)芭蕾舞演員。你怎么伸直腿。如此優(yōu)美的表演！沒(méi)有人能像你那樣做?！?BR> “我很清楚，”剪刀說(shuō)。
“你應(yīng)該不少于一個(gè)伯爵夫人，”襯衫領(lǐng)子說(shuō)?！蔽乙o我的完美的紳士，脫靴器和梳子。哦，如果我有一個(gè)領(lǐng)地。”
“我真的相信他有膽量提出，”剪刀。她把他砍了這么猛，他沒(méi)找到他。
“現(xiàn)在我得找梳子，”衣領(lǐng)說(shuō)。親愛(ài)的，你的牙齒有多好啊。你有想過(guò)要訂婚嗎？”
“為什么，當(dāng)然，”梳子說(shuō)。我從事的脫靴器。”
“訂婚了！”衣領(lǐng)叫道。現(xiàn)在沒(méi)有人離開(kāi)他去法院，衣領(lǐng)假裝他從來(lái)沒(méi)有打算結(jié)婚。
時(shí)間過(guò)去了，領(lǐng)著他去了一家造紙廠，那里的一個(gè)破爛的公司，一個(gè)垃圾桶，一個(gè)垃圾桶，一個(gè)垃圾桶，一個(gè)垃圾桶，另一個(gè)，就如同它在世界上一樣。他們都說(shuō)很多但領(lǐng)子喋喋不休最多，因?yàn)樗且粋€(gè)可怕的人。
“我被打過(guò)的情侶，”他告訴他們?！迸擞肋h(yuǎn)不會(huì)離開(kāi)我，你不能責(zé)怪他們；因?yàn)槲沂且粋€(gè)完美的紳士，僵硬和淀粉，和一個(gè)脫靴器和梳子備用。你應(yīng)該看到我了。你應(yīng)該看到我伸直。
“我永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)忘記我的初戀這樣一個(gè)迷人的小腰，那么苗條而溫柔。她把自己丟進(jìn)了一桶水，都是為了我的愛(ài)。然后是寡婦，熱情洋溢的給我，但我拋棄了她，讓她冷靜下來(lái)。這一天，有一對(duì)芭蕾舞者，他的印記是我的熊。她是一個(gè)多么火熱的生物！甚至連我的梳子也很難愛(ài)上我，當(dāng)我離開(kāi)她時(shí)，她失去了所有的牙齒。是的，事實(shí)上，我有很多關(guān)于我的良心。但garter-i意味著腰帶-誰(shuí)把自己淹死在洗衣盆，是我感到最難過(guò)。哦，我有一個(gè)黑色的記錄，它的高時(shí)間，我變成了無(wú)瑕的白皮書?！?BR> 而這正是發(fā)生了什么。所有的衣服都是紙做的，衣領(lǐng)成了你看到的那一頁(yè)，紙上印著這個(gè)故事的紙。那是因?yàn)樗羞@樣做的事情從來(lái)沒(méi)有發(fā)生過(guò)。所以讓我們小心的表現(xiàn)，我們比他做的更好，因?yàn)槟阌肋h(yuǎn)不會(huì)知道。有一天，我們可能會(huì)在這個(gè)破破爛的袋子里，被做成白紙，我們的生活全是被印刷的。然后我們就把告密者自己，就像襯衫領(lǐng)子做了。