AFTERWARDS.
The next day the gay, handsome, and brilliant Schonbock joined Nekhludoff at his aunts' house, and quite won their hearts by his refined and amiable manner, his high spirits, his generosity, and his affection for Dmitri.
But though the old ladies admired his generosity it rather perplexed them, for it seemed exaggerated. He gave a rouble to some blind beggars who came to the gate, gave 15 roubles in tips to the servants, and when Sophia Ivanovna's pet dog hurt his paw and it bled, he tore his hemstitched cambric handkerchief into strips (Sophia Ivanovna knew that such handkerchiefs cost at least 15 roubles a dozen) and bandaged the dog's foot. The old ladies had never met people of this kind, and did not know that Schonbock owed 200,000 roubles which he was never going to pay, and that therefore 25 roubles more or less did not matter a bit to him. Schonbock stayed only one day, and he and Nekhludoff both, left at night. They could not stay away from their regiment any longer, for their leave was fully up.
At the stage which Nekhludoff's selfish mania had now reached he could think of nothing but himself. He was wondering whether his conduct, if found out, would be blamed much or at all, but he did not consider what Katusha was now going through, and what was going to happen to her.
He saw that Schonbock guessed his relations to her and this flattered his vanity.
"Ah, I see how it is you have taken such a sudden fancy to your aunts that you have been living nearly a week with them," Schonbock remarked when he had seen Katusha. "Well, I don't wonder--should have done the same. She's charming." Nekhludoff was also thinking that though it was a pity to go away before having fully gratified the cravings of his love for her, yet the absolute necessity of parting had its advantages because it put a sudden stop to relations it would have been very difficult for him to continue. Then he thought that he ought to give her some money, not for her, not because she might need it, but because it was the thing to do.
So he gave her what seemed to him a liberal amount, considering his and her station. On the day of his departure, after dinner, he went out and waited for her at the side entrance. She flushed up when she saw him and wished to pass by, directing his attention to the open door of the maids' room by a look, but he stopped her.
"I have come to say good-bye," he said, crumbling in his hand an envelope with a 100-rouble note inside. "There, I" . . .
She guessed what he meant, knit her brows, and shaking her head pushed his hand away.
"Take it; oh, you must!" he stammered, and thrust the envelope into the bib of her apron and ran back to his room, groaning and frowning as if he had hurt himself. And for a long time he went up and down writhing as in pain, and even stamping and groaning aloud as he thought of this last scene. "But what else could I have done? Is it not what happens to every one? And if every one does the same . . . well I suppose it can't be helped." In this way he tried to get peace of mind, but in vain. The recollection of what had passed burned his conscience. In his soul--in the very depths of his soul--he knew that he had acted in a base, cruel, cowardly manner, and that the knowledge of this act of his must prevent him, not only from finding fault with any one else, but even from looking straight into other people's eyes; not to mention the impossibility of considering himself a splendid, noble, high-minded fellow, as he did and had to do to go on living his life boldly and merrily. There was only one solution of the problem--i.e., not to think about it. He succeeded in doing so. The life he was now entering upon, the new surroundings, new friends, the war, all helped him to forget. And the longer he lived, the less he thought about it, until at last he forgot it completely.
Once only, when, after the war, he went to see his aunts in hopes of meeting Katusha, and heard that soon after his last visit she had left, and that his aunts had heard she had been confined somewhere or other and had gone quite to the bad, his heart ached. According to the time of her confinement, the child might or might not have been his. His aunts said she had gone wrong, that she had inherited her mother's depraved nature, and he was pleased to hear this opinion of his aunts'. It seemed to acquit him. At first he thought of trying to find her and her child, but then, just because in the depths of his soul he felt so ashamed and pained when thinking about her, he did not make the necessary effort to find her, but tried to forget his sin again and ceased to think about it. And now this strange coincidence brought it all back to his memory, and demanded from him the acknowledgment of the heartless, cruel cowardice which had made it possible for him to live these nine years with such a sin on his conscience. But he was still far from such an acknowledgment, and his only fear was that everything might now be found out, and that she or her advocate might recount it all and put him to shame before every one present.
第二天，申包克衣冠楚楚，興致勃勃，到聶赫留朵夫姑媽家來找他。申包克憑他的文雅、殷勤、樂觀、慷慨和對聶赫留朵夫的友愛博得了兩位姑媽的歡心。他的慷慨雖然很討姑媽們喜歡，但有點過分，使她們感到疑惑。門口來了幾個瞎眼乞丐，他一給就是一個盧布。他給仆人們發(fā)賞錢，一次就發(fā)了十五盧布。索菲雅姑媽的小獅子狗修才特卡當著他的面碰破了腳，他就親自替它包扎，毫不猶豫地掏出自己的花邊麻紗手絹（索菲雅姑媽知道，這種手絹至少要十五盧布一打），把它撕成一條條，給修才特卡做繃帶。姑媽們從來沒有見過這樣的人，根本不會想到這個申包克其實欠了二十萬盧布的債，而且他自己也知道是永世還不清的，因此多二十五盧布或少二十五盧布對他沒有什么區(qū)別。
申包克只逗留了一天，第二天晚上就同聶赫留朵夫一起走了。他們不能再待下去，因為到了部隊報到的最后期限。
在姑媽家度過的最后一天里，聶赫留朵夫腦子里還清清楚楚地記得前一夜的事。他的內(nèi)心有兩種感情在搏斗著：一種是獸性愛所引起的熱辣辣的充滿情欲的回憶，這種情欲雖不及預期的那樣醉人，但畢竟達到了目的，得到了一定的滿足；另一種感情是覺得自己做了一件很壞的事，必須加以彌補，但彌補不是為了她，而是為了自己。
聶赫留朵夫身上利己主義惡性發(fā)作，他想到的只有他自己。他考慮的是，要是人家知道他對她干的事，會不會責備他，會責備到什么程度。他根本沒有想到，她現(xiàn)在的心情怎樣，將來會產(chǎn)生什么后果。
他以為申包克猜到了他同卡秋莎的關系，這使他的虛榮心得到了滿足。
“難怪你忽然對兩位姑媽戀戀不舍，在她們家里住了一個禮拜?！鄙臧丝吹娇ㄇ锷?，對聶赫留朵夫說?！拔乙翘幵谀愕牡匚唬膊豢献吡?。真迷人！”
聶赫留朵夫還想到，雖然沒有嘗夠同她戀愛的歡樂，就此離開未免有點遺憾，但既然非走不可，那么索性讓這種無法維持的關系一刀兩斷，未嘗不是件好事。他還想到，應該送她一些錢，不是為了她，不是因為她可能需要錢，而是因為遇到這樣的事，通常都是這么做的。既然他玩弄了她，要是不給她一些錢，人家會說他不是個正派人。于是他就給了她一筆錢，那數(shù)目，就他的身份和她的地位而言，他認為是相當豐厚的。
臨走那天，他吃過午飯，在門廊里等她。她一看見他，臉刷地紅起來。她對他使了個眼色，示意他女仆屋里的門開著，想走過去，但他把她攔住了。
“我想跟你告別，”他手里揉著裝有一百盧布鈔票的信封，說。“這是我……”
她猜到是什么，皺起眉頭，搖搖頭，把他的手推開。
“不，你拿去，”他喃喃地說，把信封塞在她的懷里。他象被火燙痛似的，皺起眉頭，哼哼著，跑回自己房里去。
隨后他在房間里來回踱了好一陣，一想起剛才那一幕，他渾身抽搐，甚至跳起來，大聲呻吟，仿佛肉體上感到痛楚似的。
“可是有什么辦法呢？大家都是這樣。申包克同家庭女教師有過這樣的事，這是他親口講的。格里沙叔叔也有過這類事。父親也干過這樣的事。當時父親住在鄉(xiāng)下，同那個農(nóng)家女人生了私生子米金卡，那孩子至今還活著。既然大家都這樣做，那就是合情合理的?！彼@樣寬慰自己，可是怎么也寬不了心。他一想起這事，良心就受到譴責。
在他的內(nèi)心，在他的內(nèi)心深處，他知道他的行為很卑鄙、惡劣、殘酷。一想到這事，他不僅無權(quán)責備別人，而且不敢正眼看人，更不要說象原來那樣自認為是個高尚、純潔、慷慨的青年了。但他必須保持原來那種對自己的看法，才能快快活活地滿懷信心活下去。而要做到這一點，只有一個辦法，就是不去想它。他就這樣辦了。
他開始過新的生活：來到新的環(huán)境，遇見新的同事，投入戰(zhàn)爭。這種生活過得越久，那件事的印象就越淡薄，最后他真的把它完全忘記了。
只有一次，那是在戰(zhàn)爭結(jié)束以后，他希望看到卡秋莎，就拐到姑媽家去，這才知道她已經(jīng)不在了。他走后不久，她就離開姑媽家到外面去分娩，生了個孩子。兩位姑媽聽人家說，她完全墮落了。他心里很難受。按分娩時間推算，她生的孩子可能是他的，但也可能不是他的。兩位姑媽都說她墮落了，因為她象她母親一樣生性*蕩。姑媽們這種說法他聽了高興，因為仿佛替他開脫了罪責。起初他還想找尋她和孩子，但后來，由于想到這事內(nèi)心感到太痛苦太羞恥了，就不再費力氣去找尋，而且忘記了自己的罪孽，不再想到它。
但是現(xiàn)在，這種意料不到的巧遇使他想起了一切，逼著他承認自己沒有心肝，承認自己殘酷卑鄙，良心上背著這樣的罪孽，居然還能心安理得地過了十年。不過，要他真正承認這一點，還為時過早，目前他所考慮的只是這事不能讓人家知道，她本人或者她的辯護人不要把這事和盤托出，弄得他當眾出丑。
The next day the gay, handsome, and brilliant Schonbock joined Nekhludoff at his aunts' house, and quite won their hearts by his refined and amiable manner, his high spirits, his generosity, and his affection for Dmitri.
But though the old ladies admired his generosity it rather perplexed them, for it seemed exaggerated. He gave a rouble to some blind beggars who came to the gate, gave 15 roubles in tips to the servants, and when Sophia Ivanovna's pet dog hurt his paw and it bled, he tore his hemstitched cambric handkerchief into strips (Sophia Ivanovna knew that such handkerchiefs cost at least 15 roubles a dozen) and bandaged the dog's foot. The old ladies had never met people of this kind, and did not know that Schonbock owed 200,000 roubles which he was never going to pay, and that therefore 25 roubles more or less did not matter a bit to him. Schonbock stayed only one day, and he and Nekhludoff both, left at night. They could not stay away from their regiment any longer, for their leave was fully up.
At the stage which Nekhludoff's selfish mania had now reached he could think of nothing but himself. He was wondering whether his conduct, if found out, would be blamed much or at all, but he did not consider what Katusha was now going through, and what was going to happen to her.
He saw that Schonbock guessed his relations to her and this flattered his vanity.
"Ah, I see how it is you have taken such a sudden fancy to your aunts that you have been living nearly a week with them," Schonbock remarked when he had seen Katusha. "Well, I don't wonder--should have done the same. She's charming." Nekhludoff was also thinking that though it was a pity to go away before having fully gratified the cravings of his love for her, yet the absolute necessity of parting had its advantages because it put a sudden stop to relations it would have been very difficult for him to continue. Then he thought that he ought to give her some money, not for her, not because she might need it, but because it was the thing to do.
So he gave her what seemed to him a liberal amount, considering his and her station. On the day of his departure, after dinner, he went out and waited for her at the side entrance. She flushed up when she saw him and wished to pass by, directing his attention to the open door of the maids' room by a look, but he stopped her.
"I have come to say good-bye," he said, crumbling in his hand an envelope with a 100-rouble note inside. "There, I" . . .
She guessed what he meant, knit her brows, and shaking her head pushed his hand away.
"Take it; oh, you must!" he stammered, and thrust the envelope into the bib of her apron and ran back to his room, groaning and frowning as if he had hurt himself. And for a long time he went up and down writhing as in pain, and even stamping and groaning aloud as he thought of this last scene. "But what else could I have done? Is it not what happens to every one? And if every one does the same . . . well I suppose it can't be helped." In this way he tried to get peace of mind, but in vain. The recollection of what had passed burned his conscience. In his soul--in the very depths of his soul--he knew that he had acted in a base, cruel, cowardly manner, and that the knowledge of this act of his must prevent him, not only from finding fault with any one else, but even from looking straight into other people's eyes; not to mention the impossibility of considering himself a splendid, noble, high-minded fellow, as he did and had to do to go on living his life boldly and merrily. There was only one solution of the problem--i.e., not to think about it. He succeeded in doing so. The life he was now entering upon, the new surroundings, new friends, the war, all helped him to forget. And the longer he lived, the less he thought about it, until at last he forgot it completely.
Once only, when, after the war, he went to see his aunts in hopes of meeting Katusha, and heard that soon after his last visit she had left, and that his aunts had heard she had been confined somewhere or other and had gone quite to the bad, his heart ached. According to the time of her confinement, the child might or might not have been his. His aunts said she had gone wrong, that she had inherited her mother's depraved nature, and he was pleased to hear this opinion of his aunts'. It seemed to acquit him. At first he thought of trying to find her and her child, but then, just because in the depths of his soul he felt so ashamed and pained when thinking about her, he did not make the necessary effort to find her, but tried to forget his sin again and ceased to think about it. And now this strange coincidence brought it all back to his memory, and demanded from him the acknowledgment of the heartless, cruel cowardice which had made it possible for him to live these nine years with such a sin on his conscience. But he was still far from such an acknowledgment, and his only fear was that everything might now be found out, and that she or her advocate might recount it all and put him to shame before every one present.
第二天，申包克衣冠楚楚，興致勃勃，到聶赫留朵夫姑媽家來找他。申包克憑他的文雅、殷勤、樂觀、慷慨和對聶赫留朵夫的友愛博得了兩位姑媽的歡心。他的慷慨雖然很討姑媽們喜歡，但有點過分，使她們感到疑惑。門口來了幾個瞎眼乞丐，他一給就是一個盧布。他給仆人們發(fā)賞錢，一次就發(fā)了十五盧布。索菲雅姑媽的小獅子狗修才特卡當著他的面碰破了腳，他就親自替它包扎，毫不猶豫地掏出自己的花邊麻紗手絹（索菲雅姑媽知道，這種手絹至少要十五盧布一打），把它撕成一條條，給修才特卡做繃帶。姑媽們從來沒有見過這樣的人，根本不會想到這個申包克其實欠了二十萬盧布的債，而且他自己也知道是永世還不清的，因此多二十五盧布或少二十五盧布對他沒有什么區(qū)別。
申包克只逗留了一天，第二天晚上就同聶赫留朵夫一起走了。他們不能再待下去，因為到了部隊報到的最后期限。
在姑媽家度過的最后一天里，聶赫留朵夫腦子里還清清楚楚地記得前一夜的事。他的內(nèi)心有兩種感情在搏斗著：一種是獸性愛所引起的熱辣辣的充滿情欲的回憶，這種情欲雖不及預期的那樣醉人，但畢竟達到了目的，得到了一定的滿足；另一種感情是覺得自己做了一件很壞的事，必須加以彌補，但彌補不是為了她，而是為了自己。
聶赫留朵夫身上利己主義惡性發(fā)作，他想到的只有他自己。他考慮的是，要是人家知道他對她干的事，會不會責備他，會責備到什么程度。他根本沒有想到，她現(xiàn)在的心情怎樣，將來會產(chǎn)生什么后果。
他以為申包克猜到了他同卡秋莎的關系，這使他的虛榮心得到了滿足。
“難怪你忽然對兩位姑媽戀戀不舍，在她們家里住了一個禮拜?！鄙臧丝吹娇ㄇ锷?，對聶赫留朵夫說?！拔乙翘幵谀愕牡匚唬膊豢献吡?。真迷人！”
聶赫留朵夫還想到，雖然沒有嘗夠同她戀愛的歡樂，就此離開未免有點遺憾，但既然非走不可，那么索性讓這種無法維持的關系一刀兩斷，未嘗不是件好事。他還想到，應該送她一些錢，不是為了她，不是因為她可能需要錢，而是因為遇到這樣的事，通常都是這么做的。既然他玩弄了她，要是不給她一些錢，人家會說他不是個正派人。于是他就給了她一筆錢，那數(shù)目，就他的身份和她的地位而言，他認為是相當豐厚的。
臨走那天，他吃過午飯，在門廊里等她。她一看見他，臉刷地紅起來。她對他使了個眼色，示意他女仆屋里的門開著，想走過去，但他把她攔住了。
“我想跟你告別，”他手里揉著裝有一百盧布鈔票的信封，說。“這是我……”
她猜到是什么，皺起眉頭，搖搖頭，把他的手推開。
“不，你拿去，”他喃喃地說，把信封塞在她的懷里。他象被火燙痛似的，皺起眉頭，哼哼著，跑回自己房里去。
隨后他在房間里來回踱了好一陣，一想起剛才那一幕，他渾身抽搐，甚至跳起來，大聲呻吟，仿佛肉體上感到痛楚似的。
“可是有什么辦法呢？大家都是這樣。申包克同家庭女教師有過這樣的事，這是他親口講的。格里沙叔叔也有過這類事。父親也干過這樣的事。當時父親住在鄉(xiāng)下，同那個農(nóng)家女人生了私生子米金卡，那孩子至今還活著。既然大家都這樣做，那就是合情合理的?！彼@樣寬慰自己，可是怎么也寬不了心。他一想起這事，良心就受到譴責。
在他的內(nèi)心，在他的內(nèi)心深處，他知道他的行為很卑鄙、惡劣、殘酷。一想到這事，他不僅無權(quán)責備別人，而且不敢正眼看人，更不要說象原來那樣自認為是個高尚、純潔、慷慨的青年了。但他必須保持原來那種對自己的看法，才能快快活活地滿懷信心活下去。而要做到這一點，只有一個辦法，就是不去想它。他就這樣辦了。
他開始過新的生活：來到新的環(huán)境，遇見新的同事，投入戰(zhàn)爭。這種生活過得越久，那件事的印象就越淡薄，最后他真的把它完全忘記了。
只有一次，那是在戰(zhàn)爭結(jié)束以后，他希望看到卡秋莎，就拐到姑媽家去，這才知道她已經(jīng)不在了。他走后不久，她就離開姑媽家到外面去分娩，生了個孩子。兩位姑媽聽人家說，她完全墮落了。他心里很難受。按分娩時間推算，她生的孩子可能是他的，但也可能不是他的。兩位姑媽都說她墮落了，因為她象她母親一樣生性*蕩。姑媽們這種說法他聽了高興，因為仿佛替他開脫了罪責。起初他還想找尋她和孩子，但后來，由于想到這事內(nèi)心感到太痛苦太羞恥了，就不再費力氣去找尋，而且忘記了自己的罪孽，不再想到它。
但是現(xiàn)在，這種意料不到的巧遇使他想起了一切，逼著他承認自己沒有心肝，承認自己殘酷卑鄙，良心上背著這樣的罪孽，居然還能心安理得地過了十年。不過，要他真正承認這一點，還為時過早，目前他所考慮的只是這事不能讓人家知道，她本人或者她的辯護人不要把這事和盤托出，弄得他當眾出丑。