The Advantages and Disadvantages of Computers
安明玉
山東省泰安市第一中學9班
Gone are the days when people have to ride thousands of miles away to send letters to our friends and relatives. Nowadays, with the development of modernization, computers have been common in our daily life. With the computers, we can communicate with our friends who are even millions of miles away. And we can buy what we want without walking out of the door. What's more, computers also broaden our horizens as well as richen our knowledge. Through the Internet, we can know more about the world, such as how many gold medals Chinese athletes have got in the Olympic Games, what is the life like in the cities of Sichuan and when our “Shenzhou-Ⅶ” will come back to earth. It seems like that the whole world is no more than one metre away (from the screen of computers to our own eyes). Besides, many difficult works can be perfectly and quickly finished by computers. It's no doubt that computers are playing a such an important role in our life that we cannot live without them.
However, overy coin has two cides. In spite of these advantages, computers are sometimes harmful to us if they are not properly used. According to a recent research, an increasing number of students are cocooring self themseloes in computer games. As a result, their marks are becoming lower and lower. What's more, some illegal information, which will do great harm to the children who do not always have a correct judgement, is spreading quickly through the internet. Thus can also lead to an increasing percentage of crime.
In my opinion, only if the computer is correctly used by us can it be a true friend and teacher of us. I believe that our society will be more peaceful and developed with all our offort and all of the disadoantages can be avoid successfully.
專家建議：
建議作者平時多練習議論文寫作，并且在練習中要時刻提醒自己議論文寫作的規(guī)則是什么，那就是文中的每一句話都是圍繞文章主題進行的，至少，段落內(nèi)的每一句話都是圍繞段落中心的。作者在這方面還有空間提高。
專家點評：
本文運用了較多的高級詞匯和表達；論證語言比較有力，得體；語法的多樣性也有所體現(xiàn)；并且在文章中不乏新穎獨特的語言表達。但是本文結構設置差強人意，冗長的第一段既是文章的引言段又充當了文章用于說明計算機給我們的好處的主題段，所以看起來不夠清晰，明了。結尾的部分無論從語言還是內(nèi)容來看都有待修改，如果不是因為時間倉促，那么這個結尾的創(chuàng)作就實在不是很用心了。