本期作文題目：
You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.
Write a memo of 40-50 words:
informing staff of the shutdown
telling them when it will happen
asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.
老師提示：
商務寫作中遵循的原則是：簡潔，精確，禮貌。在考試中或者工作中，格式基本已經(jīng)給出，所以只需要我們寫正文即可。正文中我們寫作要做到選詞精當，一針見血，語法正確，不出低級錯誤的句子。備忘錄屬于半正式的文體寫作，所以在句子選擇上可以適當放寬，不必太正式。
網(wǎng)友作文一：
MEMORANDUM
from : Tom TO : all staff
date : 25/8
Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .
I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]
TOM
修改意見：
[1]Business writing 中盡量少使用because....so... 這樣的結構，看起來不夠?qū)I(yè)，改為：As we plan to upgrade.....
[2]有中式英文的痕跡：我要求你們。。。。改為：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.
[3]這不能算作accident, 既然已經(jīng)計劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.
網(wǎng)友作文二：
From: office manager
To: all staff
Subject: the company system
I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]
Thank you.[5]
修改意見：
[1]去掉這個開頭，直接用被動語態(tài)開頭。
[2]去掉，多余了。
[3]如果你不能保證用長復句可以表達清楚，那么建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個短句也許表達更貼切呢。
[4]這句話看起來非常不清楚，主語在哪里?please 的后面是嗎?改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
[5]另換一行
網(wǎng)友作文三：
Dear all:
The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday.
It will take a full day to finish this job.[2]
Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].
修改意見：
[1]夠干練了，語法錯誤多。 Be shut down
[2]去掉
[3]Access to
[4]On it?
網(wǎng)友作文四：
From: office Manager
To: all staff
Subject: upgarde of computer system
As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.
修改意見：
[1]第一: 不要重復使用前面已經(jīng)用過的詞;第二：指代錯誤，前面說的system 是單數(shù)，怎么到這里變成了them? 合成一句：as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.
You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.
Write a memo of 40-50 words:
informing staff of the shutdown
telling them when it will happen
asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.
老師提示：
商務寫作中遵循的原則是：簡潔，精確，禮貌。在考試中或者工作中，格式基本已經(jīng)給出，所以只需要我們寫正文即可。正文中我們寫作要做到選詞精當，一針見血，語法正確，不出低級錯誤的句子。備忘錄屬于半正式的文體寫作，所以在句子選擇上可以適當放寬，不必太正式。
網(wǎng)友作文一：
MEMORANDUM
from : Tom TO : all staff
date : 25/8
Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .
I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]
TOM
修改意見：
[1]Business writing 中盡量少使用because....so... 這樣的結構，看起來不夠?qū)I(yè)，改為：As we plan to upgrade.....
[2]有中式英文的痕跡：我要求你們。。。。改為：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.
[3]這不能算作accident, 既然已經(jīng)計劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.
網(wǎng)友作文二：
From: office manager
To: all staff
Subject: the company system
I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]
Thank you.[5]
修改意見：
[1]去掉這個開頭，直接用被動語態(tài)開頭。
[2]去掉，多余了。
[3]如果你不能保證用長復句可以表達清楚，那么建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個短句也許表達更貼切呢。
[4]這句話看起來非常不清楚，主語在哪里?please 的后面是嗎?改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
[5]另換一行
網(wǎng)友作文三：
Dear all:
The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday.
It will take a full day to finish this job.[2]
Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].
修改意見：
[1]夠干練了，語法錯誤多。 Be shut down
[2]去掉
[3]Access to
[4]On it?
網(wǎng)友作文四：
From: office Manager
To: all staff
Subject: upgarde of computer system
As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.
修改意見：
[1]第一: 不要重復使用前面已經(jīng)用過的詞;第二：指代錯誤，前面說的system 是單數(shù)，怎么到這里變成了them? 合成一句：as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.