題目：It seems that with the increase in use of mobile phones and computers, fewer people prefer to write letters. Will letters disappear completely?
審題：本文可以看作是agree or disagree 類文章，要求考生能在開頭段表明自己的立場。探討的兩個(gè)主題是：信件 VS手機(jī)電腦。
這篇習(xí)作的學(xué)生的寫作框架是3773，觀點(diǎn)是信不會(huì)被取代，中間寫兩段，第一段探討手機(jī)電腦的兩個(gè)好處，第二段探討信的四個(gè)好處，最后總結(jié)信的優(yōu)點(diǎn)多，繼續(xù)推行。
為了清楚起見，學(xué)生文章都加粗了。
開頭段：
Mobile phones and E-mails are increasingly playing 1pivital roles in our daily life in this day and age. Yet at the same time, whether 2letter will disappear has sparked heated debate. As far as I am concerned, 3it is impossible for letters to be replaced。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：首段格式清楚，略微有模板的印記，但是有拼寫錯(cuò)誤，語法錯(cuò)誤。會(huì)讓考官覺得是6分或以下的水平。
修改：
1 pivotal 其他重要：essential, indispensable, vital
2 Yet at the same time, whether letters will be replaced by phones and emails has sparked heated debate
3 原文impossible太過絕對(duì)。Hardly will letters fade out。
中間第一段：
On the one hand, it is arguable that those high-technology products can bring about numerous benefits。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：總體句寫的不錯(cuò)。 Numerous稍顯夸張。
To begin with, Undeniably, a phone call, an E-mail can make people closer and make the world smaller。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
1 兩個(gè)名詞短語之間要有連接詞，比如and。
2 整個(gè)句子表達(dá)很中式，不地道。
修改：Phones and computers could wipe out /erase geographical barriers。
More specifically, they are faster than regular mails。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：論證和論點(diǎn)沒有關(guān)系啊，這個(gè)論據(jù)是說明效率高，而不是在論證手機(jī)讓世界變得近。
修改：More specifically, a student in China, thanks to phone calls, is able to communicate with his friends in other countries, such as Australia and Canada within seconds。
Besides, it takes people a great deal of time to write a letter。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：這一段的論述主題是電話電腦的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，建議不要繞著寫”信”的缺點(diǎn)。
修改：Besides, phones may save the public more time compared with traditional letters。
Apparently, nowadays, a considerable proportion of people have to work day in and day out to support themselves and even their their family. Undeniably, fast-paced life put great burden on individuals, 1hence, compared with 2letter, a phone call or a E-mail may be less time-consuming and more suitable for individuals。
問題：
1 hence 是副詞，不能連接兩個(gè)完整的句子。建議把hence前面的逗號(hào)改成句號(hào)。
2 letter 是可數(shù)名詞，改成letters 或者a letter。
3論點(diǎn)和論證之間的關(guān)系不是非常緊密。觀點(diǎn)是電話省時(shí)，論證說大家工作壓力大，略顯晦澀了。比較可行的論證是用對(duì)比法，體現(xiàn)出寫信花時(shí)間長，打電話email時(shí)間短。
修改：
In this competitive society, it is no exaggeration that time equals money. It is hard to imagine spending two days writing a letter, one day sending a letter, and more days receiving a letter. In contrast, phones and emails hardly fail to convey ideas clearly and efficiently。
內(nèi)部總結(jié)：問題很典型，詞匯不過關(guān)，語法有問題，論證存在跳躍性思維。
中間第二段：
On the other hand, 1colorful augment can be made that letters can 2 sprawn even greater benefits on individuals。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
1 argument可數(shù)名詞，colorful和argument的搭配很怪異。
修改：On the other hand, counter arguments can be made that…
2 sprawn 沒有這個(gè)單詞存在。
修改：Letters can bring more benefits rather than drawbacks to the general public。
Fristly, writing letter is 1more cheaper than mobile phones。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：1形容詞比較級(jí)用法錯(cuò)誤 much cheaper 。
Undeniably，the expenses of 1we spend on mobile phones are to be unaffordable。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：1of后面缺賓語，沒有連詞的句子無法充當(dāng)賓語。
2 你的觀點(diǎn)是寫信便宜，論證是寫信費(fèi)用高的無法接受，這個(gè)首先是太絕對(duì)，其次是沒有說服力，得給出細(xì)節(jié)才行。
修改：
It is well known that sending a letter to a friend in other cities take no more than 1 yuan in China. In contrast, an inter-city call charges you more than 3-5 yuan。
Besides, kepping in touch with our relatives with mobile phones or E-mails can only 1lull us into a false sence of intimacy. 2On the contrast, letters can convey our feelings more effectively。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：1 屬于考官不能看懂的句子。
2 用詞錯(cuò)誤，on the contrary或者in contrast。
Secondly,it will 2do good to people if they write letters. Both their brain and thinking 3mdules can benefit from it. It is obvious that people can develop their logic ,language ability and interpersonnal skills during the procedure of writing。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
1 不是第二點(diǎn)了，換成其次furthermore, moreover, in addition。
2 觀點(diǎn)說寫信對(duì)人好，很明顯，太籠統(tǒng)，沒有針對(duì)性。
修改：Letters can keep our writing skills fresh。
3 拼寫錯(cuò)誤。
4 論證的整體思路還是不錯(cuò)的，只是語言表達(dá)還是不夠清晰。
修改：When writing a real letter, people tend to weigh their words carefully by focusing on the punctuation, spelling and note of words. Moreover, they place great emphasis on the organization, appropriateness and register of a letter. Unfortunately, on the contrary, ordinary people incline to think of phones, together with emails, as an oral means of information transmission, hardly using writing skills when having calls or “writing” emails. That is the reason why dialogs through the phone or on-line emails are packed with countless mistakes。
Last but not least, 1emperical evidence abounds 2that many serious 3illness such as allergy can be linked to the 4radication of mobile phones and computers。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
1 沒有這個(gè)單詞。
2 that引導(dǎo)同位語從句，寫的不錯(cuò)的。
3 illness是疾病的統(tǒng)稱，一般是不可數(shù)名詞， 可以換成diseases。同時(shí)many這個(gè)詞一般用于否定表示很多，建議換成a host of, a great many等等。
4 這一段是寫信的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，所以建議觀點(diǎn)圍繞letter開展。
修改：Finally, letters prove to be a healthier means of information interchange。
Obviously, the proliferation of mobile phones and computers pose a 1grave threat to people’s health, 2as a result of it,many people are more likely to writer letters instead of using mobile phones or E-mails。
問題：
1 拼寫錯(cuò)誤。
2as a result是副詞，等同于therefore, 不能連接兩個(gè)完整的句子。
3論證還是略顯空洞?？梢耘浯顚?shí)驗(yàn)法或例子。
修改：Statistics from a variety of scientific research have revealed that overexposure to radiation of mobile phones and computer may impair one’s skin and eyesight。
Moreover, a real-life example can be taken to prove the point. Qiulin, a very famous DJ in Shanghai told the public in the mid of 2009 that she was infected with brain tumors due to cell-phone radiation and recommended the public to avoid making phones when they are charging or before they are running out。
結(jié)尾段
To sum up, I would concede that letters are more time-consuming. 1Despite that,the benefits of letters far outweigh its disadvantages. Overall,I am convinced that letters would 2never be replaced,and children should be encouraged to learn to write letters。
問題：
1 第一句話和第二句話之間沒有轉(zhuǎn)折關(guān)系，怎么用despite。估計(jì)學(xué)生是想寫To sum up, I would concede that emails and phones are more time-consuming. Despite that…
2 never 措辭太絕對(duì)。寫作時(shí)一定要避免絕對(duì)化用詞，因?yàn)槿菀妆籧ritical的英國人找到漏洞。
修改：
To sum up, despite possible benefits brought by modern technology, the benefits of letters, personally speaking, far outweigh their drawbacks. In that case, it’s strongly recommended to perpetuate the use of letters.
評(píng)分：
接下來就考生的情況做一個(gè)大致評(píng)分，僅供參考。
內(nèi)容(task response)：探討了兩方各自的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，基本達(dá)到要求 6分
連貫性(coherence and cohesion)：觀點(diǎn)和論證之間關(guān)系不緊密；語言比較絕對(duì)；邏輯關(guān)系不夠清楚 5分
詞匯(vocabulary)：拼寫錯(cuò)誤，用法錯(cuò)誤不斷 5分
語法(grammar)：語法基本過關(guān)， 不過句式表達(dá)還是比較生硬 6分
總分：5.5分
應(yīng)對(duì)策略
詞匯：
1養(yǎng)成習(xí)慣看詞的英文解釋，推薦詞典：科林斯。
2 多積累常用搭配，
推薦書籍：新概念二冊
98頁 54個(gè)搭配
208頁 40個(gè)搭配
318頁 25個(gè)搭配
428頁 35個(gè)搭配
審題：本文可以看作是agree or disagree 類文章，要求考生能在開頭段表明自己的立場。探討的兩個(gè)主題是：信件 VS手機(jī)電腦。
這篇習(xí)作的學(xué)生的寫作框架是3773，觀點(diǎn)是信不會(huì)被取代，中間寫兩段，第一段探討手機(jī)電腦的兩個(gè)好處，第二段探討信的四個(gè)好處，最后總結(jié)信的優(yōu)點(diǎn)多，繼續(xù)推行。
為了清楚起見，學(xué)生文章都加粗了。
開頭段：
Mobile phones and E-mails are increasingly playing 1pivital roles in our daily life in this day and age. Yet at the same time, whether 2letter will disappear has sparked heated debate. As far as I am concerned, 3it is impossible for letters to be replaced。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：首段格式清楚，略微有模板的印記，但是有拼寫錯(cuò)誤，語法錯(cuò)誤。會(huì)讓考官覺得是6分或以下的水平。
修改：
1 pivotal 其他重要：essential, indispensable, vital
2 Yet at the same time, whether letters will be replaced by phones and emails has sparked heated debate
3 原文impossible太過絕對(duì)。Hardly will letters fade out。
中間第一段：
On the one hand, it is arguable that those high-technology products can bring about numerous benefits。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：總體句寫的不錯(cuò)。 Numerous稍顯夸張。
To begin with, Undeniably, a phone call, an E-mail can make people closer and make the world smaller。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
1 兩個(gè)名詞短語之間要有連接詞，比如and。
2 整個(gè)句子表達(dá)很中式，不地道。
修改：Phones and computers could wipe out /erase geographical barriers。
More specifically, they are faster than regular mails。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：論證和論點(diǎn)沒有關(guān)系啊，這個(gè)論據(jù)是說明效率高，而不是在論證手機(jī)讓世界變得近。
修改：More specifically, a student in China, thanks to phone calls, is able to communicate with his friends in other countries, such as Australia and Canada within seconds。
Besides, it takes people a great deal of time to write a letter。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：這一段的論述主題是電話電腦的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，建議不要繞著寫”信”的缺點(diǎn)。
修改：Besides, phones may save the public more time compared with traditional letters。
Apparently, nowadays, a considerable proportion of people have to work day in and day out to support themselves and even their their family. Undeniably, fast-paced life put great burden on individuals, 1hence, compared with 2letter, a phone call or a E-mail may be less time-consuming and more suitable for individuals。
問題：
1 hence 是副詞，不能連接兩個(gè)完整的句子。建議把hence前面的逗號(hào)改成句號(hào)。
2 letter 是可數(shù)名詞，改成letters 或者a letter。
3論點(diǎn)和論證之間的關(guān)系不是非常緊密。觀點(diǎn)是電話省時(shí)，論證說大家工作壓力大，略顯晦澀了。比較可行的論證是用對(duì)比法，體現(xiàn)出寫信花時(shí)間長，打電話email時(shí)間短。
修改：
In this competitive society, it is no exaggeration that time equals money. It is hard to imagine spending two days writing a letter, one day sending a letter, and more days receiving a letter. In contrast, phones and emails hardly fail to convey ideas clearly and efficiently。
內(nèi)部總結(jié)：問題很典型，詞匯不過關(guān)，語法有問題，論證存在跳躍性思維。
中間第二段：
On the other hand, 1colorful augment can be made that letters can 2 sprawn even greater benefits on individuals。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
1 argument可數(shù)名詞，colorful和argument的搭配很怪異。
修改：On the other hand, counter arguments can be made that…
2 sprawn 沒有這個(gè)單詞存在。
修改：Letters can bring more benefits rather than drawbacks to the general public。
Fristly, writing letter is 1more cheaper than mobile phones。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：1形容詞比較級(jí)用法錯(cuò)誤 much cheaper 。
Undeniably，the expenses of 1we spend on mobile phones are to be unaffordable。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：1of后面缺賓語，沒有連詞的句子無法充當(dāng)賓語。
2 你的觀點(diǎn)是寫信便宜，論證是寫信費(fèi)用高的無法接受，這個(gè)首先是太絕對(duì)，其次是沒有說服力，得給出細(xì)節(jié)才行。
修改：
It is well known that sending a letter to a friend in other cities take no more than 1 yuan in China. In contrast, an inter-city call charges you more than 3-5 yuan。
Besides, kepping in touch with our relatives with mobile phones or E-mails can only 1lull us into a false sence of intimacy. 2On the contrast, letters can convey our feelings more effectively。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：1 屬于考官不能看懂的句子。
2 用詞錯(cuò)誤，on the contrary或者in contrast。
Secondly,it will 2do good to people if they write letters. Both their brain and thinking 3mdules can benefit from it. It is obvious that people can develop their logic ,language ability and interpersonnal skills during the procedure of writing。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
1 不是第二點(diǎn)了，換成其次furthermore, moreover, in addition。
2 觀點(diǎn)說寫信對(duì)人好，很明顯，太籠統(tǒng)，沒有針對(duì)性。
修改：Letters can keep our writing skills fresh。
3 拼寫錯(cuò)誤。
4 論證的整體思路還是不錯(cuò)的，只是語言表達(dá)還是不夠清晰。
修改：When writing a real letter, people tend to weigh their words carefully by focusing on the punctuation, spelling and note of words. Moreover, they place great emphasis on the organization, appropriateness and register of a letter. Unfortunately, on the contrary, ordinary people incline to think of phones, together with emails, as an oral means of information transmission, hardly using writing skills when having calls or “writing” emails. That is the reason why dialogs through the phone or on-line emails are packed with countless mistakes。
Last but not least, 1emperical evidence abounds 2that many serious 3illness such as allergy can be linked to the 4radication of mobile phones and computers。
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
1 沒有這個(gè)單詞。
2 that引導(dǎo)同位語從句，寫的不錯(cuò)的。
3 illness是疾病的統(tǒng)稱，一般是不可數(shù)名詞， 可以換成diseases。同時(shí)many這個(gè)詞一般用于否定表示很多，建議換成a host of, a great many等等。
4 這一段是寫信的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，所以建議觀點(diǎn)圍繞letter開展。
修改：Finally, letters prove to be a healthier means of information interchange。
Obviously, the proliferation of mobile phones and computers pose a 1grave threat to people’s health, 2as a result of it,many people are more likely to writer letters instead of using mobile phones or E-mails。
問題：
1 拼寫錯(cuò)誤。
2as a result是副詞，等同于therefore, 不能連接兩個(gè)完整的句子。
3論證還是略顯空洞?？梢耘浯顚?shí)驗(yàn)法或例子。
修改：Statistics from a variety of scientific research have revealed that overexposure to radiation of mobile phones and computer may impair one’s skin and eyesight。
Moreover, a real-life example can be taken to prove the point. Qiulin, a very famous DJ in Shanghai told the public in the mid of 2009 that she was infected with brain tumors due to cell-phone radiation and recommended the public to avoid making phones when they are charging or before they are running out。
結(jié)尾段
To sum up, I would concede that letters are more time-consuming. 1Despite that,the benefits of letters far outweigh its disadvantages. Overall,I am convinced that letters would 2never be replaced,and children should be encouraged to learn to write letters。
問題：
1 第一句話和第二句話之間沒有轉(zhuǎn)折關(guān)系，怎么用despite。估計(jì)學(xué)生是想寫To sum up, I would concede that emails and phones are more time-consuming. Despite that…
2 never 措辭太絕對(duì)。寫作時(shí)一定要避免絕對(duì)化用詞，因?yàn)槿菀妆籧ritical的英國人找到漏洞。
修改：
To sum up, despite possible benefits brought by modern technology, the benefits of letters, personally speaking, far outweigh their drawbacks. In that case, it’s strongly recommended to perpetuate the use of letters.
評(píng)分：
接下來就考生的情況做一個(gè)大致評(píng)分，僅供參考。
內(nèi)容(task response)：探討了兩方各自的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，基本達(dá)到要求 6分
連貫性(coherence and cohesion)：觀點(diǎn)和論證之間關(guān)系不緊密；語言比較絕對(duì)；邏輯關(guān)系不夠清楚 5分
詞匯(vocabulary)：拼寫錯(cuò)誤，用法錯(cuò)誤不斷 5分
語法(grammar)：語法基本過關(guān)， 不過句式表達(dá)還是比較生硬 6分
總分：5.5分
應(yīng)對(duì)策略
詞匯：
1養(yǎng)成習(xí)慣看詞的英文解釋，推薦詞典：科林斯。
2 多積累常用搭配，
推薦書籍：新概念二冊
98頁 54個(gè)搭配
208頁 40個(gè)搭配
318頁 25個(gè)搭配
428頁 35個(gè)搭配