兩篇看起來大同小異的大作文，為什么一篇老師打了19分，而另一篇只給了15分?
知道這四分之差意味著什么?意味著閱讀錯(cuò)了兩道題(2道題*2分)，意味著完型錯(cuò)了八道題(8道題*0.5分)
而復(fù)習(xí)這些題你又需要花費(fèi)多少時(shí)間才能提高這個(gè)分?jǐn)?shù)呢?
每一分都很重要，聽專家的，快速提升主觀題成績，讓成功來的更容易些。
考研英語全程班或聯(lián)報(bào)班的學(xué)員都有機(jī)會(huì)學(xué)習(xí)新東方姜麗蓉考前高分必讀班，包括作文班、翻譯班。詳解考研英語主觀題答題模式，讓你迅速攻克主觀題，提高成績。
下面是本次作文批改的題目以及考研教研員對學(xué)員的作文批改范例，是從學(xué)員作文中經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)的1、詞匯錯(cuò)誤2、語法錯(cuò)誤3、句式錯(cuò)誤4、主題立意5、篇章結(jié)構(gòu) 等方面進(jìn)行的批改。
作文話題是：
第一篇：
2008年考研英語寫作真題
Directions:
Write an essay of 160~200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should
1) describe the drawing briefly,
2) explain its intended meaning, and then
3) give your comments。
第二篇：
Directions:
You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because your rommate always has friends visiting。
Write a letter to the Accommodation Officer at the college and ask for a new room next term. You would prefer a single room. Explain your reasons。
老師給的批改如下：
Collaboration
Collaboration is of the utmost importance to be human beings.Everybody not only needs chacrect [e1] individual character ,but also demands collaboration 。
As is described in the picture , Though two man who both lost legs that right and left, [e2] they are running to cooperate [e3] each other. Collaboration help[e4] them step out of difficulties. Cooperation is used in our lifves[e5] in generrally .Such as: [e6] business ’[e7] team work ,study partner ,interest group,discution[e8] group, band and so on.They are[e9] all club together。
Help[e10] each other can improve efficiency . For istance[e11] , team work is used in vast majority factorty[e12] in moden life.We always to[e13] see that a process of sweater ,one group disposal[e14] wool, an other team make string, other peoples[e15] change the string to sweater 。(此句錯(cuò)誤較多，沒有掌握一個(gè)。。一個(gè)。。另一個(gè)的表達(dá)法，應(yīng)為one …another…another)A sweater is made by some people or groups not only (by)one. We is bring around the tabel by foreman, (不理解你這句話的意思)dishes are appeared on table by waiter or waitress , cate is cooked by kitchener, cash is pay[e16] on counter in restaurant.we finished have [e17] dinner in their help[e18] each other .So many things of result[e19] need effort of no-one[e20] .Collaboration is important in life.
To sum up,we should keep collaboration in general .It can help us filish[e21] many things that we can not do it by one.I was convinced cooperation can improve work productiveness in meliorate[e22] life, Help our society will be better palce for us to live in。(此句有誤，應(yīng)改為helping our society to be better place for us to live in。)
點(diǎn)評：你將文章分為了四段，首段對合作進(jìn)行了闡述，在第二段時(shí)才對漫畫進(jìn)行描述，一般來說，這種寫法也是沒有大問題的。但為了保險(xiǎn)起見，我們通常將文章分為三段首中尾，首先將漫畫的內(nèi)容描述清楚，然后討論漫畫中體現(xiàn)的合作精神，最后聯(lián)系實(shí)際進(jìn)一步深化主題。
你這篇文章中出現(xiàn)了較多的語法錯(cuò)誤，請你在接下來的寫作中引起高度重視，因?yàn)橄駟螐?fù)數(shù)這種錯(cuò)誤在閱卷老師看來就是你英語能力差的體現(xiàn)，是不可饒恕的，一旦發(fā)現(xiàn)容易給老師留下壞的印象，分?jǐn)?shù)會(huì)受影響。
你對漫畫深層次含義的討論還算清楚，舉了實(shí)例，但語言偏于貧乏，只能算是勉強(qiáng)交差，不能給閱卷老師眼前一亮的好印象，因?yàn)橥ㄆ聛砦覜]有看到主題句的亮點(diǎn)，沒有句式的變化。我們在文章中能有一到兩句長句，能使我們的文章更加生動(dòng)、鮮活。
當(dāng)然，這是我們練習(xí)的第一篇作文，有錯(cuò)誤和不足是難免的，希望經(jīng)過接下來的學(xué)習(xí)，你的寫作水平能夠有實(shí)質(zhì)性的進(jìn)步!
小作文
Dear,[D23]
I am student who live in a room in college which share with another student.I am in troubble[D24] .I need your help.I find it I can not very difficult to work [D25] .The immediate cause[D26] is my rommate always has friends visiting[D27] . They disturb me all the while[D28] . So I want to change my room . A single room is best choose[D29] . Thanks。
Yours
Monica
評語：1.你的字?jǐn)?shù)明顯不夠，字?jǐn)?shù)不夠扣分是非常嚴(yán)重的，如果不是萬不得已，哪怕你是簡單句，也得湊夠字?jǐn)?shù)。
2.你的單詞拼寫和語法錯(cuò)誤都較多，說明基本的詞匯掌握的還不夠，語法要多掌握基礎(chǔ)的知識。記得單詞拼寫一定不能錯(cuò)太多，一個(gè)0.5分呢?你一篇錯(cuò)個(gè)五六個(gè)，再加上其他語法錯(cuò)誤，就難保及格了。一定要注意單詞背誦和基礎(chǔ)語法。小作文的就那么幾個(gè)題型，每個(gè)題型的常用句式一定要背熟練。
[e1]多余的，應(yīng)刪除
[e2]此句有誤，though后面應(yīng)連接完整句，而不是定語從句。應(yīng)改為：Though two men both lost one of their legs。
[e3]你這句話的意思是他們跑的目的在于合作，但漫畫的意思應(yīng)是他們合作的結(jié)果是跑。改為：by cooperating
[e4]應(yīng)為helps
[e5]應(yīng)為lives
[e6]冒號刪除
[e7]通常復(fù)數(shù)后面只加’。如果是單詞以s結(jié)尾還是要加’s的
[e8]Discussion
[e9]Club together是動(dòng)詞，去掉前面的are
[e10]動(dòng)名詞作主語，應(yīng)為helping
[e11]instance
[e12]factories
[e13]刪除
[e14]應(yīng)為動(dòng)詞形式dispose
[e15]Peoples表示民族的意思，如表示很多人則people不加s
[e16]應(yīng)為paid
[e17]應(yīng)為having
[e18]應(yīng)為helping
[e19]應(yīng)為results
[e20]no one 的意思是沒人，應(yīng)為everyone
[e21]finish
[e22]meliorating
[D23]Dear what?在不知道對方稱呼的情況下，用sir or madam,
[D24]In trouble
[D25]I find it difficult to work; sb find it +adj+to do,表示某人發(fā)現(xiàn)做某事很怎樣。
[D26]這個(gè)詞用的好
[D27]The immediate cause is that my roommate always has friends visiting
[D28]常用all the time
[D29]Is the best choose
知道這四分之差意味著什么?意味著閱讀錯(cuò)了兩道題(2道題*2分)，意味著完型錯(cuò)了八道題(8道題*0.5分)
而復(fù)習(xí)這些題你又需要花費(fèi)多少時(shí)間才能提高這個(gè)分?jǐn)?shù)呢?
每一分都很重要，聽專家的，快速提升主觀題成績，讓成功來的更容易些。
考研英語全程班或聯(lián)報(bào)班的學(xué)員都有機(jī)會(huì)學(xué)習(xí)新東方姜麗蓉考前高分必讀班，包括作文班、翻譯班。詳解考研英語主觀題答題模式，讓你迅速攻克主觀題，提高成績。
下面是本次作文批改的題目以及考研教研員對學(xué)員的作文批改范例，是從學(xué)員作文中經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)的1、詞匯錯(cuò)誤2、語法錯(cuò)誤3、句式錯(cuò)誤4、主題立意5、篇章結(jié)構(gòu) 等方面進(jìn)行的批改。
作文話題是：
第一篇：
2008年考研英語寫作真題
Directions:
Write an essay of 160~200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should
1) describe the drawing briefly,
2) explain its intended meaning, and then
3) give your comments。
第二篇：
Directions:
You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because your rommate always has friends visiting。
Write a letter to the Accommodation Officer at the college and ask for a new room next term. You would prefer a single room. Explain your reasons。
老師給的批改如下：
Collaboration
Collaboration is of the utmost importance to be human beings.Everybody not only needs chacrect [e1] individual character ,but also demands collaboration 。
As is described in the picture , Though two man who both lost legs that right and left, [e2] they are running to cooperate [e3] each other. Collaboration help[e4] them step out of difficulties. Cooperation is used in our lifves[e5] in generrally .Such as: [e6] business ’[e7] team work ,study partner ,interest group,discution[e8] group, band and so on.They are[e9] all club together。
Help[e10] each other can improve efficiency . For istance[e11] , team work is used in vast majority factorty[e12] in moden life.We always to[e13] see that a process of sweater ,one group disposal[e14] wool, an other team make string, other peoples[e15] change the string to sweater 。(此句錯(cuò)誤較多，沒有掌握一個(gè)。。一個(gè)。。另一個(gè)的表達(dá)法，應(yīng)為one …another…another)A sweater is made by some people or groups not only (by)one. We is bring around the tabel by foreman, (不理解你這句話的意思)dishes are appeared on table by waiter or waitress , cate is cooked by kitchener, cash is pay[e16] on counter in restaurant.we finished have [e17] dinner in their help[e18] each other .So many things of result[e19] need effort of no-one[e20] .Collaboration is important in life.
To sum up,we should keep collaboration in general .It can help us filish[e21] many things that we can not do it by one.I was convinced cooperation can improve work productiveness in meliorate[e22] life, Help our society will be better palce for us to live in。(此句有誤，應(yīng)改為helping our society to be better place for us to live in。)
點(diǎn)評：你將文章分為了四段，首段對合作進(jìn)行了闡述，在第二段時(shí)才對漫畫進(jìn)行描述，一般來說，這種寫法也是沒有大問題的。但為了保險(xiǎn)起見，我們通常將文章分為三段首中尾，首先將漫畫的內(nèi)容描述清楚，然后討論漫畫中體現(xiàn)的合作精神，最后聯(lián)系實(shí)際進(jìn)一步深化主題。
你這篇文章中出現(xiàn)了較多的語法錯(cuò)誤，請你在接下來的寫作中引起高度重視，因?yàn)橄駟螐?fù)數(shù)這種錯(cuò)誤在閱卷老師看來就是你英語能力差的體現(xiàn)，是不可饒恕的，一旦發(fā)現(xiàn)容易給老師留下壞的印象，分?jǐn)?shù)會(huì)受影響。
你對漫畫深層次含義的討論還算清楚，舉了實(shí)例，但語言偏于貧乏，只能算是勉強(qiáng)交差，不能給閱卷老師眼前一亮的好印象，因?yàn)橥ㄆ聛砦覜]有看到主題句的亮點(diǎn)，沒有句式的變化。我們在文章中能有一到兩句長句，能使我們的文章更加生動(dòng)、鮮活。
當(dāng)然，這是我們練習(xí)的第一篇作文，有錯(cuò)誤和不足是難免的，希望經(jīng)過接下來的學(xué)習(xí)，你的寫作水平能夠有實(shí)質(zhì)性的進(jìn)步!
小作文
Dear,[D23]
I am student who live in a room in college which share with another student.I am in troubble[D24] .I need your help.I find it I can not very difficult to work [D25] .The immediate cause[D26] is my rommate always has friends visiting[D27] . They disturb me all the while[D28] . So I want to change my room . A single room is best choose[D29] . Thanks。
Yours
Monica
評語：1.你的字?jǐn)?shù)明顯不夠，字?jǐn)?shù)不夠扣分是非常嚴(yán)重的，如果不是萬不得已，哪怕你是簡單句，也得湊夠字?jǐn)?shù)。
2.你的單詞拼寫和語法錯(cuò)誤都較多，說明基本的詞匯掌握的還不夠，語法要多掌握基礎(chǔ)的知識。記得單詞拼寫一定不能錯(cuò)太多，一個(gè)0.5分呢?你一篇錯(cuò)個(gè)五六個(gè)，再加上其他語法錯(cuò)誤，就難保及格了。一定要注意單詞背誦和基礎(chǔ)語法。小作文的就那么幾個(gè)題型，每個(gè)題型的常用句式一定要背熟練。
[e1]多余的，應(yīng)刪除
[e2]此句有誤，though后面應(yīng)連接完整句，而不是定語從句。應(yīng)改為：Though two men both lost one of their legs。
[e3]你這句話的意思是他們跑的目的在于合作，但漫畫的意思應(yīng)是他們合作的結(jié)果是跑。改為：by cooperating
[e4]應(yīng)為helps
[e5]應(yīng)為lives
[e6]冒號刪除
[e7]通常復(fù)數(shù)后面只加’。如果是單詞以s結(jié)尾還是要加’s的
[e8]Discussion
[e9]Club together是動(dòng)詞，去掉前面的are
[e10]動(dòng)名詞作主語，應(yīng)為helping
[e11]instance
[e12]factories
[e13]刪除
[e14]應(yīng)為動(dòng)詞形式dispose
[e15]Peoples表示民族的意思，如表示很多人則people不加s
[e16]應(yīng)為paid
[e17]應(yīng)為having
[e18]應(yīng)為helping
[e19]應(yīng)為results
[e20]no one 的意思是沒人，應(yīng)為everyone
[e21]finish
[e22]meliorating
[D23]Dear what?在不知道對方稱呼的情況下，用sir or madam,
[D24]In trouble
[D25]I find it difficult to work; sb find it +adj+to do,表示某人發(fā)現(xiàn)做某事很怎樣。
[D26]這個(gè)詞用的好
[D27]The immediate cause is that my roommate always has friends visiting
[D28]常用all the time
[D29]Is the best choose