CRACKING CET
在本期四六級(jí)考試專(zhuān)欄中，全國(guó)四六級(jí)考委會(huì)的夏國(guó)佐教授對(duì)讀者題為"What electives to choose"的作文進(jìn)行了講評(píng)和改寫(xiě)。按照四級(jí)作文評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，作文部分滿(mǎn)分15分，這篇文章得分14分。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點(diǎn)評(píng)，請(qǐng)按下面要求寫(xiě)出一篇短文，發(fā)到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled "What electives to choose". You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1．各大學(xué)為學(xué)生開(kāi)設(shè)了多種多樣的選修課
2．學(xué)生出于各種原因選擇不同的選修課
3．以我自己為例……
讀者原文
What electives to choose
Recent years has witnessed a great change in Chinese university's education. With electives' appearance, students have more to choose and more to learn. Art, designing, economics are no longer simply for students who choose them as major. And it is not rare to find a student in the major of Japanese in a class of Ancient Egyptian Study.
The reason why college students choose different electives differs from person to person. How to decide which elective to choose? In general, there are two trends.
Some students choose their electives by their interests. By asking "Do I love the subject?" to themselves, they make quick and easy decisions. Those students basically have enthusiasm in the electives they choose, so that they are likely to be more motivated.
Some other students, however, choose by judging how much points he or she could get from the teacher. Keeping asking students who had taken the elective before, they evaluate whether the elective's teacher will easily give students good scores. For sure, those students will choose the teachers who are "mercy" enough to let them pass.
From my point of view, an elective from which students can receive a high score is nice. However, choosing an elective which satisfies one's interests is more important. I myself chose a difficult history class this term. It is hard indeed, but it gives me a new look at the ancient time in China. The elective takes my time, but increases my love for it. In this case I am more motivated and putting more efforts on it. With my hard work, I believe the score will not be disappointing. Only by choosing the electives you love can you really learn what you love.
修改后的文章
What electives to choose
Recent years have witnessed a great change in China's higher education. With the offering of electives in universities, students now have more courses to choose from, and more to learn. Art, design and economics are no longer simply for students who choose them as majors. And it is not rare to find a Japanese major sitting in a class about ancient Egypt.
College students choose their electives for different reasons. How do they decide which elective to choose? In general, there are two trends.
Some students choose their electives based on their interests. By asking themselves, "Do I love the subject?" they make quick and easy decisions. Those students basically have enthusiasm for the electives they choose, so they are likely to be more motivated in what they are learning.
Other students, however, choose their electives by speculating what grade they might get from the teacher of the elective. Making inquiries of students who have taken the elective before, they try to find out whether they will get a good score. Sure enough, those students will choose electives whose teachers will likely be "generous" enough to give them an "A".
From my point of view, an elective for which students can receive a high score is nice. But choosing an elective that satisfies one's interests is more important. I myself chose a difficult history course this term. It is indeed hard, but it has given me a fresh glimpse of ancient times in China. The elective takes a lot of my time, but it has increased my love for my country.
For this reason, I have a lot of motivation and put in a lot of effort. With hard work, I believe my final grade will not be disappointing. Only by choosing electives you love can you really benefit from the courses.
夏老師的點(diǎn)評(píng)
這篇作文寫(xiě)得很好。從文字上看，語(yǔ)言基本功扎實(shí)，駕馭復(fù)雜句子結(jié)構(gòu)的能力很強(qiáng)。一個(gè)英語(yǔ)四級(jí)的學(xué)生，在短短30分鐘的時(shí)間內(nèi)寫(xiě)出280多詞的好文章，實(shí)在是難能可貴。略顯不足的是有些地方用詞還不夠確切，不完全符合英語(yǔ)的習(xí)慣用法。下面是幾點(diǎn)具體的修改建議：
1. 第一段第一句中的"Recent years has witnessed"應(yīng)改為"Recent years have witnessed"。"year"可數(shù)。同一句中的"in Chinese university's education"應(yīng)改為"in China's higher education"或"in Chinese institutions of higher learning"。
2. 第一段第二句中的"With electives' appearance"應(yīng)改為"With the offering of electives"。該生用"appearance"，可能是受漢語(yǔ)的影響。同一句中的"students have more to choose"應(yīng)改為"students have more courses to choose from"。因?yàn)閷?shí)際的情況是大學(xué)生可選的課程多了，不是選的課多了。
3. 第一段第四句中的"a student in the major of Japanese"不妥，日語(yǔ)專(zhuān)業(yè)學(xué)生應(yīng)翻譯為"a Japanese major"。
4. 第二段第一句中的"The reason why college students choose different electives differs from person to person"應(yīng)改為"The reason why college students choose an elective differs from person to person"，作者想要表達(dá)的意思是"學(xué)生選(同一門(mén))課的原因不一樣"而不是"學(xué)生選不同的課的原因不一樣"。不過(guò)這個(gè)句子很羅嗦，建議簡(jiǎn)化為修改后的文章中的形式。
5. 第三段第一句中的"by their interests"應(yīng)改為"based on their interests"，才符合英語(yǔ)的習(xí)慣。
6. 第三段第二句中的"By asking 'Do I love the subject?' to themselves"應(yīng)改為"By asking themselves, 'Do I love the subject'?"。
7. 第四段第一句中的"choose by judging how much points he or she could get from the teacher"建議改為"choose their electives by speculating what grade they might get from the teacher of the elective"。"Judge"的意思是"在調(diào)查事實(shí)的基礎(chǔ)上做出判斷"，用在這里不貼切。
8. 第四段第二句"they evaluate whether the elective's teacher will easily give students good scores"，"evaluate"的意思是"對(duì)某一事物的價(jià)值或重要性進(jìn)行評(píng)估"，用在這里不確切。
9. 第四段第三句中"…will choose the teachers who are 'mercy' enough to let them pass"，建議改為"will choose electives whose teachers will likely be 'generous/lenient' enough to give them an 'A'"。"mercy"為名詞，形容詞是"merciful"。
10. 第五段第六句中的"putting more efforts on it"應(yīng)為"put in a lot of effort"，或"put a lot of effort into it"。"Put effort on…"不符合英語(yǔ)的習(xí)慣搭配。
11. 第五段后一句中的"…can you really learn what you love"改為"…can you really benefit from the courses"。這樣，文章的結(jié)尾就又回到了選修課這個(gè)題目上
在本期四六級(jí)考試專(zhuān)欄中，全國(guó)四六級(jí)考委會(huì)的夏國(guó)佐教授對(duì)讀者題為"What electives to choose"的作文進(jìn)行了講評(píng)和改寫(xiě)。按照四級(jí)作文評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，作文部分滿(mǎn)分15分，這篇文章得分14分。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點(diǎn)評(píng)，請(qǐng)按下面要求寫(xiě)出一篇短文，發(fā)到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled "What electives to choose". You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1．各大學(xué)為學(xué)生開(kāi)設(shè)了多種多樣的選修課
2．學(xué)生出于各種原因選擇不同的選修課
3．以我自己為例……
讀者原文
What electives to choose
Recent years has witnessed a great change in Chinese university's education. With electives' appearance, students have more to choose and more to learn. Art, designing, economics are no longer simply for students who choose them as major. And it is not rare to find a student in the major of Japanese in a class of Ancient Egyptian Study.
The reason why college students choose different electives differs from person to person. How to decide which elective to choose? In general, there are two trends.
Some students choose their electives by their interests. By asking "Do I love the subject?" to themselves, they make quick and easy decisions. Those students basically have enthusiasm in the electives they choose, so that they are likely to be more motivated.
Some other students, however, choose by judging how much points he or she could get from the teacher. Keeping asking students who had taken the elective before, they evaluate whether the elective's teacher will easily give students good scores. For sure, those students will choose the teachers who are "mercy" enough to let them pass.
From my point of view, an elective from which students can receive a high score is nice. However, choosing an elective which satisfies one's interests is more important. I myself chose a difficult history class this term. It is hard indeed, but it gives me a new look at the ancient time in China. The elective takes my time, but increases my love for it. In this case I am more motivated and putting more efforts on it. With my hard work, I believe the score will not be disappointing. Only by choosing the electives you love can you really learn what you love.
修改后的文章
What electives to choose
Recent years have witnessed a great change in China's higher education. With the offering of electives in universities, students now have more courses to choose from, and more to learn. Art, design and economics are no longer simply for students who choose them as majors. And it is not rare to find a Japanese major sitting in a class about ancient Egypt.
College students choose their electives for different reasons. How do they decide which elective to choose? In general, there are two trends.
Some students choose their electives based on their interests. By asking themselves, "Do I love the subject?" they make quick and easy decisions. Those students basically have enthusiasm for the electives they choose, so they are likely to be more motivated in what they are learning.
Other students, however, choose their electives by speculating what grade they might get from the teacher of the elective. Making inquiries of students who have taken the elective before, they try to find out whether they will get a good score. Sure enough, those students will choose electives whose teachers will likely be "generous" enough to give them an "A".
From my point of view, an elective for which students can receive a high score is nice. But choosing an elective that satisfies one's interests is more important. I myself chose a difficult history course this term. It is indeed hard, but it has given me a fresh glimpse of ancient times in China. The elective takes a lot of my time, but it has increased my love for my country.
For this reason, I have a lot of motivation and put in a lot of effort. With hard work, I believe my final grade will not be disappointing. Only by choosing electives you love can you really benefit from the courses.
夏老師的點(diǎn)評(píng)
這篇作文寫(xiě)得很好。從文字上看，語(yǔ)言基本功扎實(shí)，駕馭復(fù)雜句子結(jié)構(gòu)的能力很強(qiáng)。一個(gè)英語(yǔ)四級(jí)的學(xué)生，在短短30分鐘的時(shí)間內(nèi)寫(xiě)出280多詞的好文章，實(shí)在是難能可貴。略顯不足的是有些地方用詞還不夠確切，不完全符合英語(yǔ)的習(xí)慣用法。下面是幾點(diǎn)具體的修改建議：
1. 第一段第一句中的"Recent years has witnessed"應(yīng)改為"Recent years have witnessed"。"year"可數(shù)。同一句中的"in Chinese university's education"應(yīng)改為"in China's higher education"或"in Chinese institutions of higher learning"。
2. 第一段第二句中的"With electives' appearance"應(yīng)改為"With the offering of electives"。該生用"appearance"，可能是受漢語(yǔ)的影響。同一句中的"students have more to choose"應(yīng)改為"students have more courses to choose from"。因?yàn)閷?shí)際的情況是大學(xué)生可選的課程多了，不是選的課多了。
3. 第一段第四句中的"a student in the major of Japanese"不妥，日語(yǔ)專(zhuān)業(yè)學(xué)生應(yīng)翻譯為"a Japanese major"。
4. 第二段第一句中的"The reason why college students choose different electives differs from person to person"應(yīng)改為"The reason why college students choose an elective differs from person to person"，作者想要表達(dá)的意思是"學(xué)生選(同一門(mén))課的原因不一樣"而不是"學(xué)生選不同的課的原因不一樣"。不過(guò)這個(gè)句子很羅嗦，建議簡(jiǎn)化為修改后的文章中的形式。
5. 第三段第一句中的"by their interests"應(yīng)改為"based on their interests"，才符合英語(yǔ)的習(xí)慣。
6. 第三段第二句中的"By asking 'Do I love the subject?' to themselves"應(yīng)改為"By asking themselves, 'Do I love the subject'?"。
7. 第四段第一句中的"choose by judging how much points he or she could get from the teacher"建議改為"choose their electives by speculating what grade they might get from the teacher of the elective"。"Judge"的意思是"在調(diào)查事實(shí)的基礎(chǔ)上做出判斷"，用在這里不貼切。
8. 第四段第二句"they evaluate whether the elective's teacher will easily give students good scores"，"evaluate"的意思是"對(duì)某一事物的價(jià)值或重要性進(jìn)行評(píng)估"，用在這里不確切。
9. 第四段第三句中"…will choose the teachers who are 'mercy' enough to let them pass"，建議改為"will choose electives whose teachers will likely be 'generous/lenient' enough to give them an 'A'"。"mercy"為名詞，形容詞是"merciful"。
10. 第五段第六句中的"putting more efforts on it"應(yīng)為"put in a lot of effort"，或"put a lot of effort into it"。"Put effort on…"不符合英語(yǔ)的習(xí)慣搭配。
11. 第五段后一句中的"…can you really learn what you love"改為"…can you really benefit from the courses"。這樣，文章的結(jié)尾就又回到了選修課這個(gè)題目上