CRACKING CET
在本期四六級考試專欄中，全國四六級考委會的夏國佐教授對讀者題為"What electives to choose"的作文進(jìn)行了講評和改寫。按照四級作文評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，作文部分滿分15分，這篇文章得11分。本欄目下期將邀請夏教授對2007年12月份的六級作文試題進(jìn)行指導(dǎo)。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點評，請按下面要求寫出一篇短文，發(fā)到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled The Digital Age. You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below.
1.如今數(shù)字化產(chǎn)品得到越來越廣泛的使用，例如……
2.數(shù)字化產(chǎn)品的使用對人們工作、學(xué)習(xí)和生活產(chǎn)生的影響
讀者的原文
What electives to choose
As we know, each unversity has provided many electives for students to choose. At my university, the electives range from art to medicine.
In my opinion, students choose the electives for many different reasons. Some choose the electives which are interesting. For example, one of my classmates enjoys gymnastic, so she chooses the Latin gymnastic. She once told me that gymnastic can help her get a strong body and beatiful figure. Others choose elective courses that they think will be useful in the future. For instance, one of my roommates chooses the Online English Translation. She believes that the class will help her improve her ability to translate.
For me, I choose the Online English Speaking class. For one thing, I think it will help with my spoken English. For another thing, if I can communicate with many people then I can make many friends.
The additional courses can broaden our horizons. We can benefit from them. We can learn much more that we can’t get from compulsory courses. But still, we shouldn’t neglect the major courses we are studying.
修改后的文章
What Electives to Choose
As we know, all universities now offer students elective courses. At my university, the electives range from arts to sciences.
As I see it, students choose their electives for many different reasons. Some choose electives that interest them. For example, one of my classmates enjoys gymnastics, so she chose artistic gymnastics. She says gymnastics can help her build up a strong body and a beautiful figure. Others choose elective courses that they think will help further their future career. For instance, one of my roommates chose Online English Translation. She believes the course will help her improve her translation ability.
As for me, I chose the Online English Speaking class. For one thing, I think it will help me improve my spoken English. Also, if I can communicate with many people in English, then I can also make many foreign friends. Elective courses can broaden our horizon and bring us many benefits. We can learn much that we can’t get from compulsory courses. Still, we shouldn’t neglect our major courses. Otherwise, we’ll lose more than we gain.
夏老師的點評
這篇文章寫得比較好，內(nèi)容充實，敘說清楚，前后連貫，表達(dá)也基本到位。從文字上看，大的句子結(jié)構(gòu)基本正確，但是語言的使用不夠精確。還是有比較多的小錯, 包括一些常用詞的拼寫錯誤。下面是幾點具體的修改建議：
1. 第一段第二句中的"range from art to medicine"建議改為"range from arts to sciences"。"range from"這個短語用得很確當(dāng)，但是"art"單數(shù)表達(dá)的意思是"美術(shù)"、"藝術(shù)"；"medicine是"醫(yī)學(xué)"，都是專業(yè)，作為選修課，恐怕很難。而"arts"表示的是 "文科" (subjects of study, such as history, literature and languages), "sciences"表示的是 "自然科學(xué)"(subjects of study, such as chemistry, physics and biology)，是可以選修的課程。
2. 第二段第一句中的 "In my opinion"，是一個用來表達(dá)自己意見的短語，往往是對一件事的評判，用在這里不很恰當(dāng)。建議改為 "As I see it"，雖然也是表示自己的看法，但是語氣比較緩和。試比較下面兩句：
Handmade cheeses are justifiably more expensive than the factory-produced equivalents and are, in my opinion, worth every penny.
After two seasons as captain of Essex, he resigned saying: "As I see it, when you win you’re supposed to and when you don’t, it’s your fault."
同一句"students choose the electives for many different reasons"中的定冠詞"the"應(yīng)去掉，或者改為"their"，因為"electives"在這里并無專指。同樣的道理，接下去第二句中的定冠詞"the"也應(yīng)去掉。
3. 第二段第三句中的"gymnastic"均應(yīng)改為"gymnastics"。"體操"的名詞永遠(yuǎn)是復(fù)數(shù)形式"gymnastics"。"Gymnastic"是形容詞。另外，"so she chooses"應(yīng)改為 so she chose"，因為"choose"這個動作在這里不是經(jīng)常性的，而是已經(jīng)過去了。還有，"Latin gymnastics"沒有聽說過，建議改為"artistic gymnastics"。
4. 第三段第一句中的"For me"應(yīng)改為"As for me"。"As for"(至于)用來引導(dǎo)一個與剛才談及的內(nèi)容有關(guān)的新的主體，例如：
You can ask the others if they want to go, but as for myself, I’ll be busy in the office.
Kitty’s got so thin. And as for Carl, he always seems to be ill.
"For"是用來說明你的陳述跟誰有關(guān)，例如：
The questions on this paper are too difficult for 10-year-olds.
5. 第四段第二句"We can learn much more that we can’t get from compulsory courses"語法有錯。這個句子沒有比較，所以不能用"more"，應(yīng)改為"We can learn much that we can’t get from compulsory courses".
6. 第四段末尾，建議加一句"Otherwise, we’ll lose more than we gain"，這樣就把道理講清楚了。
在本期四六級考試專欄中，全國四六級考委會的夏國佐教授對讀者題為"What electives to choose"的作文進(jìn)行了講評和改寫。按照四級作文評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，作文部分滿分15分，這篇文章得11分。本欄目下期將邀請夏教授對2007年12月份的六級作文試題進(jìn)行指導(dǎo)。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的點評，請按下面要求寫出一篇短文，發(fā)到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled The Digital Age. You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below.
1.如今數(shù)字化產(chǎn)品得到越來越廣泛的使用，例如……
2.數(shù)字化產(chǎn)品的使用對人們工作、學(xué)習(xí)和生活產(chǎn)生的影響
讀者的原文
What electives to choose
As we know, each unversity has provided many electives for students to choose. At my university, the electives range from art to medicine.
In my opinion, students choose the electives for many different reasons. Some choose the electives which are interesting. For example, one of my classmates enjoys gymnastic, so she chooses the Latin gymnastic. She once told me that gymnastic can help her get a strong body and beatiful figure. Others choose elective courses that they think will be useful in the future. For instance, one of my roommates chooses the Online English Translation. She believes that the class will help her improve her ability to translate.
For me, I choose the Online English Speaking class. For one thing, I think it will help with my spoken English. For another thing, if I can communicate with many people then I can make many friends.
The additional courses can broaden our horizons. We can benefit from them. We can learn much more that we can’t get from compulsory courses. But still, we shouldn’t neglect the major courses we are studying.
修改后的文章
What Electives to Choose
As we know, all universities now offer students elective courses. At my university, the electives range from arts to sciences.
As I see it, students choose their electives for many different reasons. Some choose electives that interest them. For example, one of my classmates enjoys gymnastics, so she chose artistic gymnastics. She says gymnastics can help her build up a strong body and a beautiful figure. Others choose elective courses that they think will help further their future career. For instance, one of my roommates chose Online English Translation. She believes the course will help her improve her translation ability.
As for me, I chose the Online English Speaking class. For one thing, I think it will help me improve my spoken English. Also, if I can communicate with many people in English, then I can also make many foreign friends. Elective courses can broaden our horizon and bring us many benefits. We can learn much that we can’t get from compulsory courses. Still, we shouldn’t neglect our major courses. Otherwise, we’ll lose more than we gain.
夏老師的點評
這篇文章寫得比較好，內(nèi)容充實，敘說清楚，前后連貫，表達(dá)也基本到位。從文字上看，大的句子結(jié)構(gòu)基本正確，但是語言的使用不夠精確。還是有比較多的小錯, 包括一些常用詞的拼寫錯誤。下面是幾點具體的修改建議：
1. 第一段第二句中的"range from art to medicine"建議改為"range from arts to sciences"。"range from"這個短語用得很確當(dāng)，但是"art"單數(shù)表達(dá)的意思是"美術(shù)"、"藝術(shù)"；"medicine是"醫(yī)學(xué)"，都是專業(yè)，作為選修課，恐怕很難。而"arts"表示的是 "文科" (subjects of study, such as history, literature and languages), "sciences"表示的是 "自然科學(xué)"(subjects of study, such as chemistry, physics and biology)，是可以選修的課程。
2. 第二段第一句中的 "In my opinion"，是一個用來表達(dá)自己意見的短語，往往是對一件事的評判，用在這里不很恰當(dāng)。建議改為 "As I see it"，雖然也是表示自己的看法，但是語氣比較緩和。試比較下面兩句：
Handmade cheeses are justifiably more expensive than the factory-produced equivalents and are, in my opinion, worth every penny.
After two seasons as captain of Essex, he resigned saying: "As I see it, when you win you’re supposed to and when you don’t, it’s your fault."
同一句"students choose the electives for many different reasons"中的定冠詞"the"應(yīng)去掉，或者改為"their"，因為"electives"在這里并無專指。同樣的道理，接下去第二句中的定冠詞"the"也應(yīng)去掉。
3. 第二段第三句中的"gymnastic"均應(yīng)改為"gymnastics"。"體操"的名詞永遠(yuǎn)是復(fù)數(shù)形式"gymnastics"。"Gymnastic"是形容詞。另外，"so she chooses"應(yīng)改為 so she chose"，因為"choose"這個動作在這里不是經(jīng)常性的，而是已經(jīng)過去了。還有，"Latin gymnastics"沒有聽說過，建議改為"artistic gymnastics"。
4. 第三段第一句中的"For me"應(yīng)改為"As for me"。"As for"(至于)用來引導(dǎo)一個與剛才談及的內(nèi)容有關(guān)的新的主體，例如：
You can ask the others if they want to go, but as for myself, I’ll be busy in the office.
Kitty’s got so thin. And as for Carl, he always seems to be ill.
"For"是用來說明你的陳述跟誰有關(guān)，例如：
The questions on this paper are too difficult for 10-year-olds.
5. 第四段第二句"We can learn much more that we can’t get from compulsory courses"語法有錯。這個句子沒有比較，所以不能用"more"，應(yīng)改為"We can learn much that we can’t get from compulsory courses".
6. 第四段末尾，建議加一句"Otherwise, we’ll lose more than we gain"，這樣就把道理講清楚了。