81. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Science and technology is a prime theme in the twentieth century. Science help the human being understand more about the origin of universe,life and consciousness. And technology bring a great impact on our traditional life style.In the light of this statement,technology is a double-edged sword.Not only does it improve our living standard,but also makes several new problems such as nuclear blackmail.but in generally, technology has made the world a better place to live.
Like all other great force,technology has this power of destroying a world is undeniable.No one could forget that more than 200,000 people died in Japan in the second world war caused by two nuclear bombs.And still,even more people died because of the polluted environment, which is the by-product of technology.
Despite the fact that there are several disadvantages in technology. there is a widespread testimony that technology impulse the social advancement and has made the world more comfortable to live. For instance, It is cool that stay in the air-condition room in the hot June afternoon. It is miraculous that people could meet clients in London in the morning and have lunch with family in the Roma at noon.Just because of the invention of the plane.
In conclusion, this world is not merely a bad joke and technology is not a vulgar flare amid across the cool radiance of the stars.In spite of some disadvantages, we still could say that technology has made the world a better place to live.
修改意見:
81. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Science and technology is a prime theme in the twentieth century.（開篇第一句就有問題了，應(yīng)該是peace and development是二十世紀的主旋律吧，而不是science and technology，這種上綱上線的話不能隨便編的哦，老外也懂的）Science help（helps）the human being understand more about the origin of universe, life and consciousness.（這里origin連帶了universe, life and consciousness三者，我想作者不是這個意思吧；難道科學(xué)對人類的幫助重點在于理解origin，我覺得這里對科學(xué)下如此的定義，還不如說科學(xué)提高了生產(chǎn)力和全人類的福利水平來的好） And technology bring（brings）a great impact on our traditional life style. In the light of this statement, technology is a double-edged sword.（this statement是說技術(shù)好的一面，用in the light of顯然是因果的關(guān)系，怎么就忽然話鋒一轉(zhuǎn)變成雙刃劍了呢？）Not only does it improve our living standard, but also makes several new problems such as nuclear blackmail. But in generally, technology has made the world a better place to live.
Like all other great force, technology has this power of destroying a world is undeniable. No one could forget that more than 200,000 people died in Japan in the Second World War caused by two nuclear bombs. And still, even more people died because of the polluted environment, which is the by-product of technology.
不得了，一個強反對論述段，整段都在反對第一段的technology has made the world a better place to live的中心。雖說有理，但是這就像辯論一樣，既然我們是正方，我們怎么能“我方完全同意對方辯友的觀點”？
而且結(jié)構(gòu)上如何說起，突兀。建議，把這部分精簡放到總結(jié)段之前來個讓步。
Despite the fact that there are several disadvantages in technology, there is a widespread testimony (用不可數(shù)名詞evidence就比用testimony好)that technology impulse the social advancement and has made the world more comfortable to live. （benefiting from the powerful driving of technology, the world is becoming more and more comfortable to live）For instance, It is cool that stay in the air-condition room in the hot June afternoon. (口語化了，even though it is very hot outside, people can still feel delightfully cool inside with the help of air-condition.) It is miraculous that people could meet clients in London in the morning and have lunch with family in the（把the 去掉） Roma at noon, just because of the invention of the plane.
In conclusion, this world is not merely a bad joke and technology is not a vulgar flare amid across the cool radiance of the stars. In spite of some disadvantages, we still could say that technology has made the world a better place to live.
這一段所說與上文無法很好銜接，不能很好的起到總結(jié)點題的作用。
對于這位朋友，我想，首先要把作文的框架明晰了。每一段都干什么，托福作文還是比較八股的。段與段之間環(huán)環(huán)相扣，不會如你這樣的大起大落。分論點過后有論據(jù)支撐。
同時我看得出，你的作文有不少quote。廣泛的閱讀和摘錄是可貴的，我們也要針對具體的題目來整合和修改以配合全文的論證。關(guān)鍵還在花時間，自己要多寫。
先看看范文，模仿的寫吧。
Science and technology is a prime theme in the twentieth century. Science help the human being understand more about the origin of universe,life and consciousness. And technology bring a great impact on our traditional life style.In the light of this statement,technology is a double-edged sword.Not only does it improve our living standard,but also makes several new problems such as nuclear blackmail.but in generally, technology has made the world a better place to live.
Like all other great force,technology has this power of destroying a world is undeniable.No one could forget that more than 200,000 people died in Japan in the second world war caused by two nuclear bombs.And still,even more people died because of the polluted environment, which is the by-product of technology.
Despite the fact that there are several disadvantages in technology. there is a widespread testimony that technology impulse the social advancement and has made the world more comfortable to live. For instance, It is cool that stay in the air-condition room in the hot June afternoon. It is miraculous that people could meet clients in London in the morning and have lunch with family in the Roma at noon.Just because of the invention of the plane.
In conclusion, this world is not merely a bad joke and technology is not a vulgar flare amid across the cool radiance of the stars.In spite of some disadvantages, we still could say that technology has made the world a better place to live.
修改意見:
81. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Science and technology is a prime theme in the twentieth century.（開篇第一句就有問題了，應(yīng)該是peace and development是二十世紀的主旋律吧，而不是science and technology，這種上綱上線的話不能隨便編的哦，老外也懂的）Science help（helps）the human being understand more about the origin of universe, life and consciousness.（這里origin連帶了universe, life and consciousness三者，我想作者不是這個意思吧；難道科學(xué)對人類的幫助重點在于理解origin，我覺得這里對科學(xué)下如此的定義，還不如說科學(xué)提高了生產(chǎn)力和全人類的福利水平來的好） And technology bring（brings）a great impact on our traditional life style. In the light of this statement, technology is a double-edged sword.（this statement是說技術(shù)好的一面，用in the light of顯然是因果的關(guān)系，怎么就忽然話鋒一轉(zhuǎn)變成雙刃劍了呢？）Not only does it improve our living standard, but also makes several new problems such as nuclear blackmail. But in generally, technology has made the world a better place to live.
Like all other great force, technology has this power of destroying a world is undeniable. No one could forget that more than 200,000 people died in Japan in the Second World War caused by two nuclear bombs. And still, even more people died because of the polluted environment, which is the by-product of technology.
不得了，一個強反對論述段，整段都在反對第一段的technology has made the world a better place to live的中心。雖說有理，但是這就像辯論一樣，既然我們是正方，我們怎么能“我方完全同意對方辯友的觀點”？
而且結(jié)構(gòu)上如何說起，突兀。建議，把這部分精簡放到總結(jié)段之前來個讓步。
Despite the fact that there are several disadvantages in technology, there is a widespread testimony (用不可數(shù)名詞evidence就比用testimony好)that technology impulse the social advancement and has made the world more comfortable to live. （benefiting from the powerful driving of technology, the world is becoming more and more comfortable to live）For instance, It is cool that stay in the air-condition room in the hot June afternoon. (口語化了，even though it is very hot outside, people can still feel delightfully cool inside with the help of air-condition.) It is miraculous that people could meet clients in London in the morning and have lunch with family in the（把the 去掉） Roma at noon, just because of the invention of the plane.
In conclusion, this world is not merely a bad joke and technology is not a vulgar flare amid across the cool radiance of the stars. In spite of some disadvantages, we still could say that technology has made the world a better place to live.
這一段所說與上文無法很好銜接，不能很好的起到總結(jié)點題的作用。
對于這位朋友，我想，首先要把作文的框架明晰了。每一段都干什么，托福作文還是比較八股的。段與段之間環(huán)環(huán)相扣，不會如你這樣的大起大落。分論點過后有論據(jù)支撐。
同時我看得出，你的作文有不少quote。廣泛的閱讀和摘錄是可貴的，我們也要針對具體的題目來整合和修改以配合全文的論證。關(guān)鍵還在花時間，自己要多寫。
先看看范文，模仿的寫吧。