CCTV Man So I'm hopeless either way。
Uncle Zhao The girl's much closer to her maternal grandpa than to me. Sort of cried her heart out when he died. Say hello to you' new grandpa。
Yadar (kneeling down / with a kowtow) How do you do, grandpa。
CCTV Man Don't, please. It`s Spring Festvial now, and I should've given you some gift money。
Uncle Zhao Don't bother with that, sir. You're indeed..。
Shenyang We haven`t had our picture taken, sir。
Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) We haven't ordered our dishes yet. Put this damn' thing away. We'll see whut to eat first. C'me。
Shenyang Just one picture, please。
Uncle Zhao Serve the meal first。
Shenyang What if he runs away after the meal?
Uncle Zhao Who will? Mr. Bi's a modest man, coming all his way from Beijin' to give us folks a chance. Don't you say a thing like that. (To CCTV Man) I'm whut they call a "country pumpkin," my dear in-law, not really knowin' how to treat a guest. So you please order the dishes。
CCTV Man Don't be too polite. You do it。
Uncle Zhao Now we peasants have got rich, much better off than before. Eat as much as you want, it ain't gonna be a big deal anyway. Please give me the menu。
CCTV Man Don't be extravagant, buddy。
Uncle Zhao Australian abalones, four。
Shenyang Sorry, they're out of stock。
CCTV Man Too expensive anyway. Let's move on down。
Uncle Zhao Lobsters of 2 kilos each。
Shenyang Sorry, nothing that bi
趙本山：有多大的？
小沈陽：有一斤多的。
趙本山：一斤多的.....。有嗎？
趙本山：有.....。還是沒有??？
趙本山：這個.....。我跟你說，有沒有，這是你開的店呢，你還不明白？這不差錢。
小沈陽：哦.....。那沒有。
畢福劍：下邊我看看，魚翅就更別點了。
趙本山： 魚翅有也別吃了，我吃魚翅有一回就卡住了，后來用饅頭噎，用醋泡，都不好使，到醫(yī)院用鑷子拿出來的。不吃那玩意兒。
畢福劍： 他也沒有。
趙本山： 你這酒店怎么要啥啥沒有呢？干什么玩意兒吃的？這畢老師容易來一趟？把你老板找來
小沈陽：沒有。
趙本山：你就記住一個沒有了，是不？老板。
小沈陽：啊，老板哪？老板出去了。
趙本山：上哪兒去了？
小沈陽：不知道。
趙本山：啥玩意兒呀你？你說吃啥呀？
畢福劍：來點兒家常便飯。民間的。
趙本山：民間的是吧？來民間的吧，孩子，來個小野雞燉蘑菇。
小沈陽：沒有。
趙本山：這個可以有。
小沈陽：這個.....。真沒有。
Uncle Zhao Whut kind do you have?
Shenyang Half a kilo each。
Uncle Zhao Somethin' you really have?
Shenyang Yes we do... or no?
Uncle Zhao C'me on, boy, it's you take care of things here. Don't you know whut you've got an' whut not? I'll ne'er shortchange you。
Shenyang So no, we haven't got lobsters。
CCTV Man Let me have a look. Even less need for ordering shark's fin。
Uncle Zhao I won't. Once a sharp bone in a fish got stuck in my t'roat. I tried to remove it by swallowin' lumps of rice an' softenin' it with vinegar. It didn't work, though. I was then rushed to hospital to get it picked back out with s'me tweezers. So, sharp stuff jus' won't do。
CCTV Man Not included on the menu, anyway。
Uncle Zhao This restaurant's got nothin' to serve. You've wasted you' chance to make customers happy. A disgrace to my greatest guest Mr. Bi. Where's you' boss? Get him here。
Shenyang No boss, sir。
Uncle Zhao Run out of a boss as well?
Shenyang Well... the boss is out。
Uncle Zhao Where's he?
Shenyang No idea。
Uncle Zhao Whut the hell shall we have to eat, then?
CCTV Man Just something homely。
Uncle Zhao All right, homely fare then. A lovely little pheasant boiled with mushrooms。
Shenyang I'm sorry, sir。
Uncle Zhao That's whut you can have。
Shenyang Something we really don't have。
趙本山：我給你帶來了啊，咱有。來，丫蛋，把這拿來。哎呀，多虧帶來了。
畢福劍：老哥.....。
趙本山：我是給你往北京帶的，現(xiàn)在你拿不走了，趕緊得在這兒吃了。
畢福劍 野山雞不能吃。
趙本山：這是家養(yǎng)的。都是野蘑菇。把這個燉了，高壓鍋啊，時間長點，來。好了，這兒有一個菜了。來，笨蛋。
小沈陽：你說誰笨蛋？！
趙本山：不是，我說再點個笨雞蛋。
小沈陽：沒有。
趙本山：我有。這樣.....。
畢福劍：老哥.....。
趙本山：這雞蛋和大蔥一炒。
畢福劍：你怎么下一趟飯店，材料都自己備？
趙本山：不是，他沒有啊，問題是。給他錢都沒處找去。幾個菜了？倆了，這樣吧，給你們點機會。畢老師來一回，你們飯店表示不？
小沈陽： 贈送一個唄。哎呀媽呀，大爺你咋這么摳呢？你說你一個沒點，完了我們還得搭一個，?。?BR> 趙本山：我說小伙子，咱們不是一個沒點。我點完之后，鮑魚、龍蝦你都沒有。
小沈陽：有沒有，你心里還沒數(shù)嗎？
趙本山：我有啥數(shù)，你不是說沒有嗎？
小沈陽： 別說話了。一說萬一要有，咋整??？
趙本山： 你到底有沒有？這差錢還是咋的？
Uncle Zhao All right, serve the one we brought. Get it here, Yadar. Lucky we didn't c'me with empty hands。
CCTV Man No, buddy..。
Uncle Zhao I thought you could take it back to Beijin'. As you can't, we might as well finish it up here an' now。
CCTV Man Pheasants are forbidden for consumption。
Uncle Zhao This one's grown at home. Cook the wild mushrooms, too, in a high-pressure cooker till they're th'roughly done. So far we've got one dish ready. C'me here, dumb bell。
Shenyang What did you say?
Uncle Zhao I mean plus a dumb egg。
Shenyang We don't have any, sir!
Uncle Zhao I do. All right..。
CCTV Man Buddy..。
Uncle Zhao Stir-fry the eggs with the green onions。
CCTV Man Why bother yourself with every ingredient when coming to a restaurant?
Uncle Zhao They've got no stuff like this here. Not even if you're willin' to pay. See, we've got two dishes in all an' that's fine! (To Shenyang) Now I'm givin' you a chance to show you're truly hospitable, with Mr. Bi here。
Shenyang We'll serve one dish for free. You're too mean, sir, getting us to compliment you with one dish without ordering any yourself!
Uncle Zhao I did place my order, boy. But whut did you have, abalones or lobsters?
Shenyang Is it up to me to say yes?
Uncle Zhao Is it up to me, then? How ridiculous!
Shenyang Cut it out, sir. If I say yes, who knows what'll happen next?
Uncle Zhao Have you got the things or not? Not that I ain't get the money。
Uncle Zhao The girl's much closer to her maternal grandpa than to me. Sort of cried her heart out when he died. Say hello to you' new grandpa。
Yadar (kneeling down / with a kowtow) How do you do, grandpa。
CCTV Man Don't, please. It`s Spring Festvial now, and I should've given you some gift money。
Uncle Zhao Don't bother with that, sir. You're indeed..。
Shenyang We haven`t had our picture taken, sir。
Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) We haven't ordered our dishes yet. Put this damn' thing away. We'll see whut to eat first. C'me。
Shenyang Just one picture, please。
Uncle Zhao Serve the meal first。
Shenyang What if he runs away after the meal?
Uncle Zhao Who will? Mr. Bi's a modest man, coming all his way from Beijin' to give us folks a chance. Don't you say a thing like that. (To CCTV Man) I'm whut they call a "country pumpkin," my dear in-law, not really knowin' how to treat a guest. So you please order the dishes。
CCTV Man Don't be too polite. You do it。
Uncle Zhao Now we peasants have got rich, much better off than before. Eat as much as you want, it ain't gonna be a big deal anyway. Please give me the menu。
CCTV Man Don't be extravagant, buddy。
Uncle Zhao Australian abalones, four。
Shenyang Sorry, they're out of stock。
CCTV Man Too expensive anyway. Let's move on down。
Uncle Zhao Lobsters of 2 kilos each。
Shenyang Sorry, nothing that bi
趙本山：有多大的？
小沈陽：有一斤多的。
趙本山：一斤多的.....。有嗎？
趙本山：有.....。還是沒有??？
趙本山：這個.....。我跟你說，有沒有，這是你開的店呢，你還不明白？這不差錢。
小沈陽：哦.....。那沒有。
畢福劍：下邊我看看，魚翅就更別點了。
趙本山： 魚翅有也別吃了，我吃魚翅有一回就卡住了，后來用饅頭噎，用醋泡，都不好使，到醫(yī)院用鑷子拿出來的。不吃那玩意兒。
畢福劍： 他也沒有。
趙本山： 你這酒店怎么要啥啥沒有呢？干什么玩意兒吃的？這畢老師容易來一趟？把你老板找來
小沈陽：沒有。
趙本山：你就記住一個沒有了，是不？老板。
小沈陽：啊，老板哪？老板出去了。
趙本山：上哪兒去了？
小沈陽：不知道。
趙本山：啥玩意兒呀你？你說吃啥呀？
畢福劍：來點兒家常便飯。民間的。
趙本山：民間的是吧？來民間的吧，孩子，來個小野雞燉蘑菇。
小沈陽：沒有。
趙本山：這個可以有。
小沈陽：這個.....。真沒有。
Uncle Zhao Whut kind do you have?
Shenyang Half a kilo each。
Uncle Zhao Somethin' you really have?
Shenyang Yes we do... or no?
Uncle Zhao C'me on, boy, it's you take care of things here. Don't you know whut you've got an' whut not? I'll ne'er shortchange you。
Shenyang So no, we haven't got lobsters。
CCTV Man Let me have a look. Even less need for ordering shark's fin。
Uncle Zhao I won't. Once a sharp bone in a fish got stuck in my t'roat. I tried to remove it by swallowin' lumps of rice an' softenin' it with vinegar. It didn't work, though. I was then rushed to hospital to get it picked back out with s'me tweezers. So, sharp stuff jus' won't do。
CCTV Man Not included on the menu, anyway。
Uncle Zhao This restaurant's got nothin' to serve. You've wasted you' chance to make customers happy. A disgrace to my greatest guest Mr. Bi. Where's you' boss? Get him here。
Shenyang No boss, sir。
Uncle Zhao Run out of a boss as well?
Shenyang Well... the boss is out。
Uncle Zhao Where's he?
Shenyang No idea。
Uncle Zhao Whut the hell shall we have to eat, then?
CCTV Man Just something homely。
Uncle Zhao All right, homely fare then. A lovely little pheasant boiled with mushrooms。
Shenyang I'm sorry, sir。
Uncle Zhao That's whut you can have。
Shenyang Something we really don't have。
趙本山：我給你帶來了啊，咱有。來，丫蛋，把這拿來。哎呀，多虧帶來了。
畢福劍：老哥.....。
趙本山：我是給你往北京帶的，現(xiàn)在你拿不走了，趕緊得在這兒吃了。
畢福劍 野山雞不能吃。
趙本山：這是家養(yǎng)的。都是野蘑菇。把這個燉了，高壓鍋啊，時間長點，來。好了，這兒有一個菜了。來，笨蛋。
小沈陽：你說誰笨蛋？！
趙本山：不是，我說再點個笨雞蛋。
小沈陽：沒有。
趙本山：我有。這樣.....。
畢福劍：老哥.....。
趙本山：這雞蛋和大蔥一炒。
畢福劍：你怎么下一趟飯店，材料都自己備？
趙本山：不是，他沒有啊，問題是。給他錢都沒處找去。幾個菜了？倆了，這樣吧，給你們點機會。畢老師來一回，你們飯店表示不？
小沈陽： 贈送一個唄。哎呀媽呀，大爺你咋這么摳呢？你說你一個沒點，完了我們還得搭一個，?。?BR> 趙本山：我說小伙子，咱們不是一個沒點。我點完之后，鮑魚、龍蝦你都沒有。
小沈陽：有沒有，你心里還沒數(shù)嗎？
趙本山：我有啥數(shù)，你不是說沒有嗎？
小沈陽： 別說話了。一說萬一要有，咋整??？
趙本山： 你到底有沒有？這差錢還是咋的？
Uncle Zhao All right, serve the one we brought. Get it here, Yadar. Lucky we didn't c'me with empty hands。
CCTV Man No, buddy..。
Uncle Zhao I thought you could take it back to Beijin'. As you can't, we might as well finish it up here an' now。
CCTV Man Pheasants are forbidden for consumption。
Uncle Zhao This one's grown at home. Cook the wild mushrooms, too, in a high-pressure cooker till they're th'roughly done. So far we've got one dish ready. C'me here, dumb bell。
Shenyang What did you say?
Uncle Zhao I mean plus a dumb egg。
Shenyang We don't have any, sir!
Uncle Zhao I do. All right..。
CCTV Man Buddy..。
Uncle Zhao Stir-fry the eggs with the green onions。
CCTV Man Why bother yourself with every ingredient when coming to a restaurant?
Uncle Zhao They've got no stuff like this here. Not even if you're willin' to pay. See, we've got two dishes in all an' that's fine! (To Shenyang) Now I'm givin' you a chance to show you're truly hospitable, with Mr. Bi here。
Shenyang We'll serve one dish for free. You're too mean, sir, getting us to compliment you with one dish without ordering any yourself!
Uncle Zhao I did place my order, boy. But whut did you have, abalones or lobsters?
Shenyang Is it up to me to say yes?
Uncle Zhao Is it up to me, then? How ridiculous!
Shenyang Cut it out, sir. If I say yes, who knows what'll happen next?
Uncle Zhao Have you got the things or not? Not that I ain't get the money。