張夢琳老師對本期網(wǎng)友作文總體點評：
大部分同學(xué)的問題比較集中
1. 審題不細(xì)致，題目沒有要求的，寫了很多，這就浪費了篇幅；
2. 句子顧前不顧后，前后時態(tài)，時間矛盾；
3. 詞匯基本功有待加強；
4. 沒有商務(wù)背景，作文中的句子空洞，沒有實際意義；
5. 用了很多主觀態(tài)度的句子。
本期作文范文參考：
Report on staff recruitment
As our company is developing several new products, the department of R&D needs new staff urgently to help design and monitor our products.
Thus we need to recruit 35 new staff, including electrical engineers and product developers. All of them should have at least two years ' experience in relevant field. More specific requirements will finally be decided in a few days.
As to recruitment methods, the disadvantage of relying on recruitment agency is that we need more time and procedure than we can afford. So I suggest we turn to a more direct way of Newspaper advertisement, which has been used many times and proved effective.
Comparing the two newspaper, Echo and Chronicle, we prefer the former because though it charges £500 more than the latter, the general readers are 400,000 more, most of whom are highly-educated.
We are sure to get reply soon after we launch the recruitment campaign.
網(wǎng)友作文一：
As the new project will be set off this year, our department needs to recruit 35 new emplyees[1]. The new staffs[2] shall have ability including innovation, teamwork, hard-working, goo manner.[3]
There exists three ways to recruit new staffs[2]: Newspaper(Echo) advertisments,Recurimet agency, Online recuriment.All of them have its advantages and disadvantages, so we shall use all of them to assure high-qualified staffs can see the information. [4]For the Recuriment agency, the efficiency is low but it probably can offer good[5] qulified people. WHy i chose echo instead of Chronic as it has much more readers with only five hundred dollors higher.
_________________________________________
[1]拼寫是BEC作文中很重要的給分原則。
[2]基本詞匯不過關(guān)，staff 是集合名詞，不用復(fù)數(shù)
[3]這看起來是招聘廣告上的東西吧，很抽象。審題要看懂要求，what type of staff 是指要招聘什么部門的員工。
[4]廢話一句，可以去掉。題目要求是寫出recruitment agency 的缺點，當(dāng)然任何一種招聘方式都各有優(yōu)缺，所以直接寫disadvantage 。
[5]去掉，形容詞怎么能修飾形容詞
網(wǎng)友作文二：
Dear Paddy, [1]
Now our company has already put into a right path. I think[2] we should build an[3] complete organization in order to lead our company to obtain better and longer development. [4] So we need recruite 35 new staff allocated in 4 departments.
Please check the following list:
Dept. No. Duty
Personnel Dept. 2 Staff Management
Marketing Dept. 5 Marketing research and plan
QC Dept. 5 Control the quality of products
Sales Dept. 20 Product promotion in domestic
International business Dept. 3 Product promotion overseas[5]
Regarding with possible recruitment methods, there are the following three:
1) Recruitment agency.
The method is the best popular way in market. But considering that the cost is much higher, I don't suggest we adopt it.
2) Newspaper advertisement
It is a economical method compared with the first one. Though we used many times before,it also could enlarges the popalarity of our company.
3) Online recruitment [6]
It is the best economical method.But it has large limits.And couldn't have the interview face to face.
So after the comparison, I think the second way is most suitable for us. Now I have two choice in Newspaper. One is Echo, the other is Chronicle. Numbers sold each day of Echo is 600,000, and cost of advertisement is just 2500. But The numbers sold each day of Chronicle is 200,000, less than the first, and cost of 2000 is not cheap. Echo could let more readers know this recruition of our company.lSo Echo is our best choice.
How about your considering?
I am awaiting for your advice.
Best wishes,
Jerry [7]
_________________________________________
[1]這不是寫信，怎么有稱呼
[2]報告中沒有主觀的表達，去掉
[3]這是什么？
[4]原因不具體，公司至于為了長久發(fā)展招聘員工？
[5]這占了報告很大一部分，喧賓奪主了。
[6]跑題了，考題中并沒有讓考生陳述各個招聘方式的優(yōu)缺。
[7]這不是報告的格式，整體結(jié)構(gòu)錯誤
大部分同學(xué)的問題比較集中
1. 審題不細(xì)致，題目沒有要求的，寫了很多，這就浪費了篇幅；
2. 句子顧前不顧后，前后時態(tài)，時間矛盾；
3. 詞匯基本功有待加強；
4. 沒有商務(wù)背景，作文中的句子空洞，沒有實際意義；
5. 用了很多主觀態(tài)度的句子。
本期作文范文參考：
Report on staff recruitment
As our company is developing several new products, the department of R&D needs new staff urgently to help design and monitor our products.
Thus we need to recruit 35 new staff, including electrical engineers and product developers. All of them should have at least two years ' experience in relevant field. More specific requirements will finally be decided in a few days.
As to recruitment methods, the disadvantage of relying on recruitment agency is that we need more time and procedure than we can afford. So I suggest we turn to a more direct way of Newspaper advertisement, which has been used many times and proved effective.
Comparing the two newspaper, Echo and Chronicle, we prefer the former because though it charges £500 more than the latter, the general readers are 400,000 more, most of whom are highly-educated.
We are sure to get reply soon after we launch the recruitment campaign.
網(wǎng)友作文一：
As the new project will be set off this year, our department needs to recruit 35 new emplyees[1]. The new staffs[2] shall have ability including innovation, teamwork, hard-working, goo manner.[3]
There exists three ways to recruit new staffs[2]: Newspaper(Echo) advertisments,Recurimet agency, Online recuriment.All of them have its advantages and disadvantages, so we shall use all of them to assure high-qualified staffs can see the information. [4]For the Recuriment agency, the efficiency is low but it probably can offer good[5] qulified people. WHy i chose echo instead of Chronic as it has much more readers with only five hundred dollors higher.
_________________________________________
[1]拼寫是BEC作文中很重要的給分原則。
[2]基本詞匯不過關(guān)，staff 是集合名詞，不用復(fù)數(shù)
[3]這看起來是招聘廣告上的東西吧，很抽象。審題要看懂要求，what type of staff 是指要招聘什么部門的員工。
[4]廢話一句，可以去掉。題目要求是寫出recruitment agency 的缺點，當(dāng)然任何一種招聘方式都各有優(yōu)缺，所以直接寫disadvantage 。
[5]去掉，形容詞怎么能修飾形容詞
網(wǎng)友作文二：
Dear Paddy, [1]
Now our company has already put into a right path. I think[2] we should build an[3] complete organization in order to lead our company to obtain better and longer development. [4] So we need recruite 35 new staff allocated in 4 departments.
Please check the following list:
Dept. No. Duty
Personnel Dept. 2 Staff Management
Marketing Dept. 5 Marketing research and plan
QC Dept. 5 Control the quality of products
Sales Dept. 20 Product promotion in domestic
International business Dept. 3 Product promotion overseas[5]
Regarding with possible recruitment methods, there are the following three:
1) Recruitment agency.
The method is the best popular way in market. But considering that the cost is much higher, I don't suggest we adopt it.
2) Newspaper advertisement
It is a economical method compared with the first one. Though we used many times before,it also could enlarges the popalarity of our company.
3) Online recruitment [6]
It is the best economical method.But it has large limits.And couldn't have the interview face to face.
So after the comparison, I think the second way is most suitable for us. Now I have two choice in Newspaper. One is Echo, the other is Chronicle. Numbers sold each day of Echo is 600,000, and cost of advertisement is just 2500. But The numbers sold each day of Chronicle is 200,000, less than the first, and cost of 2000 is not cheap. Echo could let more readers know this recruition of our company.lSo Echo is our best choice.
How about your considering?
I am awaiting for your advice.
Best wishes,
Jerry [7]
_________________________________________
[1]這不是寫信，怎么有稱呼
[2]報告中沒有主觀的表達，去掉
[3]這是什么？
[4]原因不具體，公司至于為了長久發(fā)展招聘員工？
[5]這占了報告很大一部分，喧賓奪主了。
[6]跑題了，考題中并沒有讓考生陳述各個招聘方式的優(yōu)缺。
[7]這不是報告的格式，整體結(jié)構(gòu)錯誤