2003年9月考試四級(jí)作文題：The Day My Classmate Fell Ill (or Got Injured)
提綱：
1.簡(jiǎn)單敘述一下這位同學(xué)生病(或受傷)的情況
2.同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的
3.人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛(ài)給我的感受是……
例1. (2分段)
One day, we are all in classroom. Wang fang said, "Oh!" We all see her and found that she was crying! Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, "I do got a fever, my head is very hot!" Feng Gang sent she to hospital, we all followed they. In the hospital, doctor Wang give a inject to her, she gradually calm and not hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：未能按照題目要求寫，沒(méi)有著重寫"同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的" "人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛(ài)給我的感受是……"。條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，有的甚至影響理解。
原文修改后：
One day, when we were all in classroom., Wang fang Suddenly cried,, "Oh!" We all looked at her and found that she was groaning. Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, "I have got a fever, my head is very hot!"
Immediately, our teacher sent her to hospital, and we all followed them. In the hospital, we asked doctor Wang to give an injection to her, and she gradually became calm and not as hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
The day has passed, but it is clearly in my mind. I think if we can do things like that in the incident, the society will be better, and the relationship between people will be better as well!
例2.(5分段)
Last week, li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining said to me that he had a headache .I asked he to see doctor. he said it was not bad. After 5 miniuts, lining sai to me his headache very serious. So I helped him go to hosptial.
Students and teacher heard lining went to hosptial, all of them went to the hosptial. Some teacher asked lining dont worry, it will be good .Some students asked lining take care of himself. lining said that he was very moved.
Thought this things, I think a lot .The world is beautiful, because the love filled in it .people can help each other when who are in trouble.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題。語(yǔ)句銜接不自然，簡(jiǎn)單句使用得太多，有些表達(dá)不太準(zhǔn)確，有明顯的中文痕跡。要加強(qiáng)銜接詞的運(yùn)用，單復(fù)句的轉(zhuǎn)換，句式的多樣化，還有語(yǔ)言基本功的訓(xùn)練。
原文修改后：
Last week, Li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining told me that he had a headache. I asked him to see the doctor. he said it was not so serious. After 5 minutes, Lining told me that his headache became worse. So I helped him go to hospital.
When Students and teachers heard that Lining had gone to hospital, all of them went to the hospital. Some teachers asked Lining not to worry and to take care of himself. Lining said that he was very moved.
Throught this, I think a lot.The world is beautiful because it was filled in love--people help each other in trouble.
例3.(8分段)
One day there is a student who was isolated for infectious disease. We and our teachers are concerting about his situation. But he must be isolated from us for relivesing measure.
In this important period, we telephoned to him, we also told him that he had a good rest time. we suggested that he call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burden study and read some books which he enjoys but have no time to read .At last we told him that he must get over this fell .
I think we should love each other .when somebody needs help we should lend our one hand to him.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題，也有必要的細(xì)節(jié)描述。但有的地方表達(dá)不清楚。有比較多的語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。要注意連接詞的使用和句式多樣化，長(zhǎng)短句可以間隔使用，使用長(zhǎng)句時(shí)注意語(yǔ)法、力求表達(dá)清楚。
具體問(wèn)題剖析：(1)全文時(shí)態(tài)不統(tǒng)一(舉例略)。
(2)第二段語(yǔ)句銜接不自然，句式重復(fù)，且長(zhǎng)句組織起來(lái)顯得有點(diǎn)凌亂，語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多。在原文基礎(chǔ)上修改如下："In this important period, we telephoned him, and told him to have a good rest.Besides, we advised him to call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burdensome study ,on the other hand, to read some books which he enjoyed but had no time to read. At last we told him that he must overcome this ill."
2003年6月考試六級(jí)作文題：Changes of Ownership of Houses in China
圖表作文，圖表內(nèi)容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房變化柱狀表，趨勢(shì)是公房越來(lái)越少，私房越來(lái)越多。
提綱：1.簡(jiǎn)單描述一下圖表內(nèi)容
2.變化原因
3.這個(gè)變化對(duì)個(gè)人和社會(huì)的影響
例1. (2分段)
此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。
為了不影響市容，給大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字……
例2.(5分段)
It is descerned that(刪掉)the number of pirate(private) houses had been on a(an) increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent.
There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of people’s living conditions(condition), all people wanted to own pirate houses.
On the other hand, people’s income was on a(an) increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses!
Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work!
點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)本文基本切題。
(2)字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。
(2)第一段描述圖表不應(yīng)該單列舉出數(shù)字，而是考試大應(yīng)該重點(diǎn)描寫變化趨勢(shì) ;第二段說(shuō)明理由不夠充分;第三段說(shuō)明影響有點(diǎn)牽強(qiáng)。
(4)全文語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤較多。
例3.(8分段)
From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes?
There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, people"s living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, (however,)as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable.
To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)本文基本切題，考試大語(yǔ)句基本通順
(2)第一段描述圖表太簡(jiǎn)單，第二段有些地方表達(dá)思想不夠清楚，第三段太簡(jiǎn)單。
(3)不少語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。
提綱：
1.簡(jiǎn)單敘述一下這位同學(xué)生病(或受傷)的情況
2.同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的
3.人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛(ài)給我的感受是……
例1. (2分段)
One day, we are all in classroom. Wang fang said, "Oh!" We all see her and found that she was crying! Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, "I do got a fever, my head is very hot!" Feng Gang sent she to hospital, we all followed they. In the hospital, doctor Wang give a inject to her, she gradually calm and not hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：未能按照題目要求寫，沒(méi)有著重寫"同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的" "人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛(ài)給我的感受是……"。條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，有的甚至影響理解。
原文修改后：
One day, when we were all in classroom., Wang fang Suddenly cried,, "Oh!" We all looked at her and found that she was groaning. Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, "I have got a fever, my head is very hot!"
Immediately, our teacher sent her to hospital, and we all followed them. In the hospital, we asked doctor Wang to give an injection to her, and she gradually became calm and not as hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
The day has passed, but it is clearly in my mind. I think if we can do things like that in the incident, the society will be better, and the relationship between people will be better as well!
例2.(5分段)
Last week, li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining said to me that he had a headache .I asked he to see doctor. he said it was not bad. After 5 miniuts, lining sai to me his headache very serious. So I helped him go to hosptial.
Students and teacher heard lining went to hosptial, all of them went to the hosptial. Some teacher asked lining dont worry, it will be good .Some students asked lining take care of himself. lining said that he was very moved.
Thought this things, I think a lot .The world is beautiful, because the love filled in it .people can help each other when who are in trouble.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題。語(yǔ)句銜接不自然，簡(jiǎn)單句使用得太多，有些表達(dá)不太準(zhǔn)確，有明顯的中文痕跡。要加強(qiáng)銜接詞的運(yùn)用，單復(fù)句的轉(zhuǎn)換，句式的多樣化，還有語(yǔ)言基本功的訓(xùn)練。
原文修改后：
Last week, Li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining told me that he had a headache. I asked him to see the doctor. he said it was not so serious. After 5 minutes, Lining told me that his headache became worse. So I helped him go to hospital.
When Students and teachers heard that Lining had gone to hospital, all of them went to the hospital. Some teachers asked Lining not to worry and to take care of himself. Lining said that he was very moved.
Throught this, I think a lot.The world is beautiful because it was filled in love--people help each other in trouble.
例3.(8分段)
One day there is a student who was isolated for infectious disease. We and our teachers are concerting about his situation. But he must be isolated from us for relivesing measure.
In this important period, we telephoned to him, we also told him that he had a good rest time. we suggested that he call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burden study and read some books which he enjoys but have no time to read .At last we told him that he must get over this fell .
I think we should love each other .when somebody needs help we should lend our one hand to him.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題，也有必要的細(xì)節(jié)描述。但有的地方表達(dá)不清楚。有比較多的語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。要注意連接詞的使用和句式多樣化，長(zhǎng)短句可以間隔使用，使用長(zhǎng)句時(shí)注意語(yǔ)法、力求表達(dá)清楚。
具體問(wèn)題剖析：(1)全文時(shí)態(tài)不統(tǒng)一(舉例略)。
(2)第二段語(yǔ)句銜接不自然，句式重復(fù)，且長(zhǎng)句組織起來(lái)顯得有點(diǎn)凌亂，語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多。在原文基礎(chǔ)上修改如下："In this important period, we telephoned him, and told him to have a good rest.Besides, we advised him to call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burdensome study ,on the other hand, to read some books which he enjoyed but had no time to read. At last we told him that he must overcome this ill."
2003年6月考試六級(jí)作文題：Changes of Ownership of Houses in China
圖表作文，圖表內(nèi)容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房變化柱狀表，趨勢(shì)是公房越來(lái)越少，私房越來(lái)越多。
提綱：1.簡(jiǎn)單描述一下圖表內(nèi)容
2.變化原因
3.這個(gè)變化對(duì)個(gè)人和社會(huì)的影響
例1. (2分段)
此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。
為了不影響市容，給大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字……
例2.(5分段)
It is descerned that(刪掉)the number of pirate(private) houses had been on a(an) increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent.
There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of people’s living conditions(condition), all people wanted to own pirate houses.
On the other hand, people’s income was on a(an) increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses!
Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work!
點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)本文基本切題。
(2)字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。
(2)第一段描述圖表不應(yīng)該單列舉出數(shù)字，而是考試大應(yīng)該重點(diǎn)描寫變化趨勢(shì) ;第二段說(shuō)明理由不夠充分;第三段說(shuō)明影響有點(diǎn)牽強(qiáng)。
(4)全文語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤較多。
例3.(8分段)
From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes?
There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, people"s living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, (however,)as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable.
To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.
點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)本文基本切題，考試大語(yǔ)句基本通順
(2)第一段描述圖表太簡(jiǎn)單，第二段有些地方表達(dá)思想不夠清楚，第三段太簡(jiǎn)單。
(3)不少語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。