Last summer holiday， my mother and I went to Shandong for a visit.
One morning， I walked along the beach alone. Suddenly， I found a little girl wearing a broken shirt[in a shabby shirt] （1） following me. Then I stopped my feet， and she stopped too， looking at me. Soon， she came over， and stood right in front of me. She held out her right hand and opened the five fingers [her palm] （2）——there was a beautiful pearl necklace. I liked it， but I remembered my mother had already bought several such necklaces for me， so I said to her， “I'm sorry， I won't buy it， because I have already bought one of this kind. ”
That little girl looked at my eyes and said pitifully ， “This one is for you， I only need some money to buy a pencil.” When I heard this， I didn't know what to say. I searched in my bag， and tried to find some money. I wanted to give it to the girl if I could find some. It's a pity I can't [couldn't ] （ 3 ） find any money， but only a piece of bread. I gave it to the poor girl， and she wolfed it down.
After she ate it up， she was ready to leave. But she put the necklace into my hand before she went away quickly. I held the necklace and looked at the little back of the little girl disappearing in the distance. I was very sorry I couldn't do anything to help her. But I hope she can have a pencil for herself soon.
珠海市第七中學(xué)初三（2）班 梁玉瓊
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章記敘的事情確實(shí)令人難忘。當(dāng)我們擁有優(yōu)越的生活和學(xué)習(xí)條件時(shí)，決不能忘記還有一些貧窮的孩子需要我們的關(guān)心和幫助。全國(guó)上下進(jìn)行的“希望工程”正是反映了黨中央、全國(guó)人民對(duì)貧困地區(qū)孩子的關(guān)心。我們一方面應(yīng)該為“希望工程”盡力，另一方面要珍惜自己的學(xué)習(xí)條件，多學(xué)知識(shí)，改變落后的面貌，為祖國(guó)的富強(qiáng)作出貢獻(xiàn)。文章對(duì)人物的描寫(xiě)十分出色，語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用得也不錯(cuò)。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）原文有中國(guó)式英語(yǔ)之嫌，故改之。
（2）根據(jù)上下文，這里應(yīng)該是“展開(kāi)手掌”。
（3）根據(jù)上下文，這里應(yīng)該用過(guò)去時(shí)。
One morning， I walked along the beach alone. Suddenly， I found a little girl wearing a broken shirt[in a shabby shirt] （1） following me. Then I stopped my feet， and she stopped too， looking at me. Soon， she came over， and stood right in front of me. She held out her right hand and opened the five fingers [her palm] （2）——there was a beautiful pearl necklace. I liked it， but I remembered my mother had already bought several such necklaces for me， so I said to her， “I'm sorry， I won't buy it， because I have already bought one of this kind. ”
That little girl looked at my eyes and said pitifully ， “This one is for you， I only need some money to buy a pencil.” When I heard this， I didn't know what to say. I searched in my bag， and tried to find some money. I wanted to give it to the girl if I could find some. It's a pity I can't [couldn't ] （ 3 ） find any money， but only a piece of bread. I gave it to the poor girl， and she wolfed it down.
After she ate it up， she was ready to leave. But she put the necklace into my hand before she went away quickly. I held the necklace and looked at the little back of the little girl disappearing in the distance. I was very sorry I couldn't do anything to help her. But I hope she can have a pencil for herself soon.
珠海市第七中學(xué)初三（2）班 梁玉瓊
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章記敘的事情確實(shí)令人難忘。當(dāng)我們擁有優(yōu)越的生活和學(xué)習(xí)條件時(shí)，決不能忘記還有一些貧窮的孩子需要我們的關(guān)心和幫助。全國(guó)上下進(jìn)行的“希望工程”正是反映了黨中央、全國(guó)人民對(duì)貧困地區(qū)孩子的關(guān)心。我們一方面應(yīng)該為“希望工程”盡力，另一方面要珍惜自己的學(xué)習(xí)條件，多學(xué)知識(shí)，改變落后的面貌，為祖國(guó)的富強(qiáng)作出貢獻(xiàn)。文章對(duì)人物的描寫(xiě)十分出色，語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用得也不錯(cuò)。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）原文有中國(guó)式英語(yǔ)之嫌，故改之。
（2）根據(jù)上下文，這里應(yīng)該是“展開(kāi)手掌”。
（3）根據(jù)上下文，這里應(yīng)該用過(guò)去時(shí)。