It was time for lunch. I hurried out of the classroom and ran into the dining-room. It[The dining-room ]（1） was big， but it was already full of teachers and students and， of course， much noise， too.
I was standing in the line for dishes when the foreign teacher of English came in and stood just behind me and talked with another teacher. At lunch time I always saw her. She was slim and beautiful and smiled kindly， with books in her hand. She didn't teach me [my class] （2） . But I was would-be student of hers [I supposed that she would teach us soon ] （ 3 ） . Christmas was over and the new year was coming nearer and nearer [drawing near] （4）。 I must say hello to her， I thought， for I respected her very much and I had never talked to a foreigner， esp. [especially ] （5） a teacher of English. The chance came at last. Sooner[No sooner] （6） had she finished talking with the teacher than I turned around. “Excuse me？” said I[I said] （7） ， not very loudly but clearly. “Yes？” she answered， looking at me， puzzled. “Happy new year to you！” I raised my voice. “Thank you very much， ”she said quickly. Then I had a short talk with her and I learned she didn't like steamed bread but enjoyed baked bread. Filled with her courage [Encouraged by her ] （ 8 ） ， I talked more easily than before. I also learned she was married and still had no child and her husband had returned to the United States .“I'm sorry to hear that，” I said to her， “Happy new year to your husband， too. Thank you very， very much for your hard work here at our school.” She understood and smiled happily. I wished her to have no sense of loneliness [not to feel lonely] （9） ， though she was alone.
I wish all the foreigners in China to have a happy new year.
上海市曹楊七中 浦正明
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
本文完整地記敘了生活中的一幕。用詞及句子結(jié)構(gòu)變化較豐富，時(shí)態(tài)、對(duì)話都較好地體現(xiàn)出了英語(yǔ)記敘文的特點(diǎn)。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）上文中有兩個(gè)名詞 the classroom 和the dining-room，因此后文中的代詞使用必須謹(jǐn)慎，重復(fù)一下名詞，更清楚。此類情況在寫作中要注意，避免指代不清。
（2）、（3）原文不夠確切，故改之。would-be意為“自以為要成為……的”，“自己想成為……的”，如：help a would-be football player to improve his technique 幫助一個(gè)想要成為足球運(yùn)動(dòng)員的人提高技術(shù)。
（4）be drawing near更符合英語(yǔ)表達(dá)法。
（5）在正式作文中不要隨便用單詞的縮略形式。
（6）正確的句型是“No sooner+主謂倒裝的過(guò)去完成式+than+ 一般過(guò)去時(shí)……”。原文漏了 No.
（7）在“某人說(shuō)”之類的引出直接引語(yǔ)的結(jié)構(gòu)中，如某人是名詞（the teacher），那么用 the teacher said或 said the teacher均可，但如果某人是代詞（he），一般用 he said較好。
（8）、（9）原文是典型的中國(guó)式英語(yǔ)，故改之。lonely是指“心情上”的“孤獨(dú)感”，alone是指一個(gè)人，沒(méi)有同伴。請(qǐng)?bào)w會(huì)下列句子：One may feel lonely even if he lives in a big city. One who is alone but good at enjoying himself may not feel lonely at all.
I was standing in the line for dishes when the foreign teacher of English came in and stood just behind me and talked with another teacher. At lunch time I always saw her. She was slim and beautiful and smiled kindly， with books in her hand. She didn't teach me [my class] （2） . But I was would-be student of hers [I supposed that she would teach us soon ] （ 3 ） . Christmas was over and the new year was coming nearer and nearer [drawing near] （4）。 I must say hello to her， I thought， for I respected her very much and I had never talked to a foreigner， esp. [especially ] （5） a teacher of English. The chance came at last. Sooner[No sooner] （6） had she finished talking with the teacher than I turned around. “Excuse me？” said I[I said] （7） ， not very loudly but clearly. “Yes？” she answered， looking at me， puzzled. “Happy new year to you！” I raised my voice. “Thank you very much， ”she said quickly. Then I had a short talk with her and I learned she didn't like steamed bread but enjoyed baked bread. Filled with her courage [Encouraged by her ] （ 8 ） ， I talked more easily than before. I also learned she was married and still had no child and her husband had returned to the United States .“I'm sorry to hear that，” I said to her， “Happy new year to your husband， too. Thank you very， very much for your hard work here at our school.” She understood and smiled happily. I wished her to have no sense of loneliness [not to feel lonely] （9） ， though she was alone.
I wish all the foreigners in China to have a happy new year.
上海市曹楊七中 浦正明
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
本文完整地記敘了生活中的一幕。用詞及句子結(jié)構(gòu)變化較豐富，時(shí)態(tài)、對(duì)話都較好地體現(xiàn)出了英語(yǔ)記敘文的特點(diǎn)。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）上文中有兩個(gè)名詞 the classroom 和the dining-room，因此后文中的代詞使用必須謹(jǐn)慎，重復(fù)一下名詞，更清楚。此類情況在寫作中要注意，避免指代不清。
（2）、（3）原文不夠確切，故改之。would-be意為“自以為要成為……的”，“自己想成為……的”，如：help a would-be football player to improve his technique 幫助一個(gè)想要成為足球運(yùn)動(dòng)員的人提高技術(shù)。
（4）be drawing near更符合英語(yǔ)表達(dá)法。
（5）在正式作文中不要隨便用單詞的縮略形式。
（6）正確的句型是“No sooner+主謂倒裝的過(guò)去完成式+than+ 一般過(guò)去時(shí)……”。原文漏了 No.
（7）在“某人說(shuō)”之類的引出直接引語(yǔ)的結(jié)構(gòu)中，如某人是名詞（the teacher），那么用 the teacher said或 said the teacher均可，但如果某人是代詞（he），一般用 he said較好。
（8）、（9）原文是典型的中國(guó)式英語(yǔ)，故改之。lonely是指“心情上”的“孤獨(dú)感”，alone是指一個(gè)人，沒(méi)有同伴。請(qǐng)?bào)w會(huì)下列句子：One may feel lonely even if he lives in a big city. One who is alone but good at enjoying himself may not feel lonely at all.