Not long ago I received a book from my brother as a birthday present. This book， I was sure， would be of great value to me and it was just the one [because it was just the reference book] （1） that I needed. “With this book” I thought aloud， “I will certainly be able to solve problems more proficiently [easily ] （2） . Perhaps I can do better in the following exams than Liu Ling.” Liu Ling， a good friend of mine， was the best student in our class.
One afternoon， I was reading the book when Liu Ling came. I quickly hid the book among the other books on my desk， saying to myself ， “I won't let her know that I have such a good book， or…”“Xiao Ying，” Liu called out to me， “I have a book for you and I hope it will do you good. ” She brought out a book from her bag， handed it to me and then began to look through the books on my desk . [She took out a book from her bag and handed it to me. Then she glanced over the books on my desk.] （3） Suddenly she let out a cry of surprise. She discovered the book hidden by me just now！ “I borrowed it from my friend several days ago. It should be returned this evening.” I explained， my heart beating fast. But it was too late. A line of words appeared on the first page. [The line of words on the title page betrayed the fact.] （4） “To Xiao Ying —— A Gift From Brother.”
My face turned red. I drooped my head [My head drooped] （5） in shame when my eyes happened to fall upon the book which Liu Ling had just given me. It was the same reference book as mine！
江西省樂平縣第一中學高三（3）班 曾建英
評 語
行文簡潔，構(gòu)思巧妙，特別是最后“Liu Ling準備借給我的那本書正是我想藏起來不借給她的那本書”這一情節(jié)，很有教育意義。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1）點明reference book使意思更為明了。
（2）proficiently用得不恰當。
（3）拿出書，送給我，然后開始翻我的書，在意義上不應(yīng)是有機聯(lián)系的3個動作。故改成兩句。另外，“從包里拿出”，應(yīng)用動詞took而不是brought（帶來）。用began似有“故意要來翻我的書”的含義，但根據(jù)上下文，Liu不過是隨手翻翻而已，故去掉began.原句中l(wèi)ook through有查閱的意思，改成glance over為好。
（4）原句讀來讓人感到是“在看書時，一行字才開始出現(xiàn)在第一頁上。”另外，扉頁不是 the first page，而是the title page.
（5）根據(jù)Longman詞典，droop（低垂）一般用作不及物動詞。要用及物動詞，可用hang，如：hang one's head for/in shame.
One afternoon， I was reading the book when Liu Ling came. I quickly hid the book among the other books on my desk， saying to myself ， “I won't let her know that I have such a good book， or…”“Xiao Ying，” Liu called out to me， “I have a book for you and I hope it will do you good. ” She brought out a book from her bag， handed it to me and then began to look through the books on my desk . [She took out a book from her bag and handed it to me. Then she glanced over the books on my desk.] （3） Suddenly she let out a cry of surprise. She discovered the book hidden by me just now！ “I borrowed it from my friend several days ago. It should be returned this evening.” I explained， my heart beating fast. But it was too late. A line of words appeared on the first page. [The line of words on the title page betrayed the fact.] （4） “To Xiao Ying —— A Gift From Brother.”
My face turned red. I drooped my head [My head drooped] （5） in shame when my eyes happened to fall upon the book which Liu Ling had just given me. It was the same reference book as mine！
江西省樂平縣第一中學高三（3）班 曾建英
評 語
行文簡潔，構(gòu)思巧妙，特別是最后“Liu Ling準備借給我的那本書正是我想藏起來不借給她的那本書”這一情節(jié)，很有教育意義。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1）點明reference book使意思更為明了。
（2）proficiently用得不恰當。
（3）拿出書，送給我，然后開始翻我的書，在意義上不應(yīng)是有機聯(lián)系的3個動作。故改成兩句。另外，“從包里拿出”，應(yīng)用動詞took而不是brought（帶來）。用began似有“故意要來翻我的書”的含義，但根據(jù)上下文，Liu不過是隨手翻翻而已，故去掉began.原句中l(wèi)ook through有查閱的意思，改成glance over為好。
（4）原句讀來讓人感到是“在看書時，一行字才開始出現(xiàn)在第一頁上。”另外，扉頁不是 the first page，而是the title page.
（5）根據(jù)Longman詞典，droop（低垂）一般用作不及物動詞。要用及物動詞，可用hang，如：hang one's head for/in shame.