On the Eve of Spring Festival， I went to my aunt's home to have dinner. Entering the room， I caught sight of a big firecracker （爆竹） standing on the floor. It was as tall as a table and as thick as a man's leg. How big it was！ I had never seen such a big one [firecracker] （1）。 My cousin told us that he bought [had bought] （2） it that morning and that he would let it off after dinner. I was anxious to see how the big firecracker would go off and what loud noise it would make.
As soon as the dinner was over， I carried the firecracker downstairs from the fifth floor. I placed it upright on the ground. My cousin called some of his friends to enjoy it [called some of his friends out to enjoy it] （3）。 My aunt did not dare to come down. She stayed upstairs standing on [at] （4） the balcony with her little granddaughter. My little brother stood far away from the firecracker covering his ears with his two hands. When everything was ready， my cousin fired it with a lighted cigarette， his eyes opened wide， his teeth set and his hand shaking. Every one of us held our breath waiting to see it blowing up. The fuse （導(dǎo)火線） sent forth “ci， ci， ci … ” with sparks （火花）。 Suddenly it stopped. We wondered what had happened， but nobody dared to go up to take a look. We waited anxiously. About two minutes later， still nothing had happened.
“Well， what's wrong with it？” I cried， running towards the firecracker.
Having examined it carefully， we were disappointed to find that the big firecracker was only a fake （假貨，贗品）。
江蘇省南通市西公園中學(xué)高二（1）班 鄭煒
評 語
內(nèi)容有趣，結(jié)局出人意料。語言運用得也較好，尤其是動詞用得很活，使全文雖短但很生動活潑。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1）因為離前文提到的firecracker較遠(yuǎn)，還是不用代詞one而用名詞firecracker較好。
（2）這里應(yīng)用過去完成式。
（3）call不用在“主+謂+賓+to do（賓補(bǔ)）”句型中。改后to enjoy it為“目的狀語”。
（4）這里介詞改用at為好。
As soon as the dinner was over， I carried the firecracker downstairs from the fifth floor. I placed it upright on the ground. My cousin called some of his friends to enjoy it [called some of his friends out to enjoy it] （3）。 My aunt did not dare to come down. She stayed upstairs standing on [at] （4） the balcony with her little granddaughter. My little brother stood far away from the firecracker covering his ears with his two hands. When everything was ready， my cousin fired it with a lighted cigarette， his eyes opened wide， his teeth set and his hand shaking. Every one of us held our breath waiting to see it blowing up. The fuse （導(dǎo)火線） sent forth “ci， ci， ci … ” with sparks （火花）。 Suddenly it stopped. We wondered what had happened， but nobody dared to go up to take a look. We waited anxiously. About two minutes later， still nothing had happened.
“Well， what's wrong with it？” I cried， running towards the firecracker.
Having examined it carefully， we were disappointed to find that the big firecracker was only a fake （假貨，贗品）。
江蘇省南通市西公園中學(xué)高二（1）班 鄭煒
評 語
內(nèi)容有趣，結(jié)局出人意料。語言運用得也較好，尤其是動詞用得很活，使全文雖短但很生動活潑。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1）因為離前文提到的firecracker較遠(yuǎn)，還是不用代詞one而用名詞firecracker較好。
（2）這里應(yīng)用過去完成式。
（3）call不用在“主+謂+賓+to do（賓補(bǔ)）”句型中。改后to enjoy it為“目的狀語”。
（4）這里介詞改用at為好。