The sun was shining in the sky when I woke up. I was very excited because it was my birthday. I was twelve that day.
In the evening， my mother cooked me a bowl of noodles with two eggs. I had a very nice meal that evening.
After supper， I knew it was time give me the presents [to get presents from my mother， father and sister] （1） . What will they give me？ Toys？ No， I have grown up. I don't need these things any more. Oh！ Something nice to eat？ Chocolate？ No. I am not so greedy in [for] （2） eating. What were they then [will the presents be] （3） ？ I wondered.
At that moment， Mother came to me and said， “You sometimes catch cold. Here is a clock. It will make you get up to do exercises [in time for morning exercises] （4）?！?She put the clock on the table. It was a beautiful clock. The sound it made was very nice. Father said to me， “I hope you can study well. Here is a new pen for you.” I got the pen in my hands. The pen was a good-looking one. The head of it gave off perfume. As I was appreciating the pen， my sister took out a book， and spoke to me with a smile， “I want to give the book Poem to you. I hope you will get more useful and wider knowledge.” This completed my happiness.
My mother gave me the clock for me to wake up earlier and keep a good health. My father and sister gave me the pen and the book for me to study well. I decided to work harder so that I wouldn't let them down.
長(zhǎng)春外國(guó)語(yǔ)學(xué)校八八中一 王慶全
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章條理清楚，詳略有致，語(yǔ)言樸實(shí)自然。初中學(xué)生能寫(xiě)出這樣的文章，實(shí)屬不易。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）原文動(dòng)作執(zhí)行者不清，故改之。
（2）greedy一般與介詞for搭配。
（3）原文用 were they then，they指代不清，改為 the presents較好。
（4）原文會(huì)令人誤解為做功課，故改之。
In the evening， my mother cooked me a bowl of noodles with two eggs. I had a very nice meal that evening.
After supper， I knew it was time give me the presents [to get presents from my mother， father and sister] （1） . What will they give me？ Toys？ No， I have grown up. I don't need these things any more. Oh！ Something nice to eat？ Chocolate？ No. I am not so greedy in [for] （2） eating. What were they then [will the presents be] （3） ？ I wondered.
At that moment， Mother came to me and said， “You sometimes catch cold. Here is a clock. It will make you get up to do exercises [in time for morning exercises] （4）?！?She put the clock on the table. It was a beautiful clock. The sound it made was very nice. Father said to me， “I hope you can study well. Here is a new pen for you.” I got the pen in my hands. The pen was a good-looking one. The head of it gave off perfume. As I was appreciating the pen， my sister took out a book， and spoke to me with a smile， “I want to give the book Poem to you. I hope you will get more useful and wider knowledge.” This completed my happiness.
My mother gave me the clock for me to wake up earlier and keep a good health. My father and sister gave me the pen and the book for me to study well. I decided to work harder so that I wouldn't let them down.
長(zhǎng)春外國(guó)語(yǔ)學(xué)校八八中一 王慶全
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章條理清楚，詳略有致，語(yǔ)言樸實(shí)自然。初中學(xué)生能寫(xiě)出這樣的文章，實(shí)屬不易。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）原文動(dòng)作執(zhí)行者不清，故改之。
（2）greedy一般與介詞for搭配。
（3）原文用 were they then，they指代不清，改為 the presents較好。
（4）原文會(huì)令人誤解為做功課，故改之。