I paid a visit to the Yu Garden（上海豫園）last Saturday. Great changes have taken place there. When I was there， an idea [it] （1） occurred to me that we young people should try our best to learn more about traditional Chinese culture.
In the garden， there were groups of very magnificent（壯觀的）ancient style buildings. Big red lanterns for the Lantern Festival and different kinds of antiques（古董）were on display. How wonderful they were！ I began to realize that compared with the modern civilization， the traditional heritages（遺產(chǎn)）were more attractive.
As we all know， our motherland is famous for its long and splendid history. We often speak proudly of ourselves as the descendants（后代）from this vast homeland of the dragon（龍）。 So I think it is our duty to pass on our traditional culture from generation to generation and to develop modern culture. However， the importance of this has not been properly appreciated（體會）。 These days young people are eager to celebrate Western holidays like Christmas Day， but show less interest in our traditional festivals. At our school， we study only certain subjects and merely touch some aspects of traditional Chinese culture， but do not have any chance to go deep into it.
While walking around Yu Garden， I was lucky to be able to talk with an American visitor [to meet an American visitor and talk with him] （2）。 To my surprise， his knowledge of ancient Chinese civilization was much more than mine[he had much more knowledge of ancient Chinese civilization than I do]（3）。 At that moment， I felt my face go red： Wasn't it a shame that a foreigner could tell me more about the culture of my own motherland？
This visit to the Yu Garden is one of the most meaningful incidents I have ever had[things I have ever done]（4）。 I have come to realize that we Chinese students ought to take an active part in the study of our traditional culture. This is a proper way to show our deep love for our great motherland， and it is significant for our own future as well.
上海市大同中學(xué)高三（5）班 戴立琛
評 語
這是一篇夾敘夾議的記敘文。文章涉及到的是一個(gè)很有意義的問題：在改革開放、引進(jìn)國外先進(jìn)東西的同時(shí)，如何對待我國的傳統(tǒng)文化。文章結(jié)合目前一些青年學(xué)生對西方文化較為熱衷，慶祝圣誕節(jié)、情人節(jié)等西方節(jié)日的積極性勝過慶祝我國傳統(tǒng)節(jié)日的現(xiàn)象，發(fā)表了自己的看法。作者選擇了“與外國朋友交談”這一細(xì)節(jié)，來襯托他對主題的思考，收到了較好的效果。
文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）原文occur的主語用an idea是可以的，如：A good idea occurred to me. 但后接that從句時(shí)，雖然可理解為是idea的同位語從句，但習(xí)慣上還是多用形式主語it.
（2）先交代meet再敘述到talk比較自然。
（3）原句有中國式英語之嫌：“他的……比我的多?！?BR> （4）incident有“帶有故事性質(zhì)的事件”的含義，或指政治性事件，或指生活中的小事，這里用得不妥。
In the garden， there were groups of very magnificent（壯觀的）ancient style buildings. Big red lanterns for the Lantern Festival and different kinds of antiques（古董）were on display. How wonderful they were！ I began to realize that compared with the modern civilization， the traditional heritages（遺產(chǎn)）were more attractive.
As we all know， our motherland is famous for its long and splendid history. We often speak proudly of ourselves as the descendants（后代）from this vast homeland of the dragon（龍）。 So I think it is our duty to pass on our traditional culture from generation to generation and to develop modern culture. However， the importance of this has not been properly appreciated（體會）。 These days young people are eager to celebrate Western holidays like Christmas Day， but show less interest in our traditional festivals. At our school， we study only certain subjects and merely touch some aspects of traditional Chinese culture， but do not have any chance to go deep into it.
While walking around Yu Garden， I was lucky to be able to talk with an American visitor [to meet an American visitor and talk with him] （2）。 To my surprise， his knowledge of ancient Chinese civilization was much more than mine[he had much more knowledge of ancient Chinese civilization than I do]（3）。 At that moment， I felt my face go red： Wasn't it a shame that a foreigner could tell me more about the culture of my own motherland？
This visit to the Yu Garden is one of the most meaningful incidents I have ever had[things I have ever done]（4）。 I have come to realize that we Chinese students ought to take an active part in the study of our traditional culture. This is a proper way to show our deep love for our great motherland， and it is significant for our own future as well.
上海市大同中學(xué)高三（5）班 戴立琛
評 語
這是一篇夾敘夾議的記敘文。文章涉及到的是一個(gè)很有意義的問題：在改革開放、引進(jìn)國外先進(jìn)東西的同時(shí)，如何對待我國的傳統(tǒng)文化。文章結(jié)合目前一些青年學(xué)生對西方文化較為熱衷，慶祝圣誕節(jié)、情人節(jié)等西方節(jié)日的積極性勝過慶祝我國傳統(tǒng)節(jié)日的現(xiàn)象，發(fā)表了自己的看法。作者選擇了“與外國朋友交談”這一細(xì)節(jié)，來襯托他對主題的思考，收到了較好的效果。
文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）原文occur的主語用an idea是可以的，如：A good idea occurred to me. 但后接that從句時(shí)，雖然可理解為是idea的同位語從句，但習(xí)慣上還是多用形式主語it.
（2）先交代meet再敘述到talk比較自然。
（3）原句有中國式英語之嫌：“他的……比我的多?！?BR> （4）incident有“帶有故事性質(zhì)的事件”的含義，或指政治性事件，或指生活中的小事，這里用得不妥。