When I was born， my paternal（父親方的）family didn't love me， because I was a girl. Grandmother said that the family would have been happy if she had had a grandson. My mother， however， loved me very much. She didn't want to get another child. So Mother and I suffered emotionally（在感情上）in the family. As a result， Mother was divorced（離婚）from[divorced]（1）Father before long and took me back to her maternal （母方的）family. When I was three I asked Mother，“Where is my father？”At that time， I always found her face pale and eyes full of tears. She only took me closely in her arms and said nothing. When I was ten， my maternal grandmother told me all about it， and I began to hate the cold-hearted paternal family and the old traditional ideas about boys and girls.
It was the second summer when[after]（2）I came to the secondary school. Our teacher asked us to do some social investigation（社會(huì)調(diào)查）in the local areas. I thought of the village where my paternal relatives lived. I decided to go there. I wanted to find out if there were any changes there and at the same time I wanted to show them that a girl also deserved（應(yīng)該得到）a bright future.
Arriving at the village， I not only saw blue water， greenhills and many beautiful buildings， but also saw golden rice in the field and ripe fruits in the trees. I wondered if my father and relatives， especially （尤其是） Grandmother， had become equally lovely. The village head welcomed me. After hearing my story， he said that after my mother had left， my father had got married again. However， the first child was still a girl. Grandmother insisted that she wanted to have a grandson， but the family planning policy （計(jì)劃生育政策） wasn't allowed [didn't allow that]（3）。 The village head tried over and over again to make Grandmother change her mind. Seeing that the next-door neighbour had no money to support their three children to go to school， Grandmother finally ，failed [gave in]（4）。 She no longer wanted a boy. She realized that a family with three or four children would hardly live better. Since then， their family life became better and better with only one child to bring up. Then Grandmother and Father always reminded [remembered] （5） me. They felt sorry to have treated Mother and me wrongly.
My investigation was coming to the end when Grandmother chanced to meet me in the street. She stared at me for a few minutes and finally identified [recognized] （6） me， “Granddaughter， Granddaughter，” she said over and over again， tears coming to her eyes. That afternoon， I had a delicious supper with my father's family. They treated me like a “princess”。 Late in the evening， I still sat next to Grandmother. She said she had never been at ease until she saw me. She said it was her old traditional ideas that had made Mother and I [me] （7） suffer so much. She said that again and again. I said nothing but wept happily with her.
The dark night passed quickly without our knowing it. In the morning， everything looked lively and lovely. The early rising villagers were preparing to take their farming goods to the town. I was extremely pleased with myself.
The sleeping village has woken up. Great changes have taken place in this small village.
廣西柳州市工業(yè)學(xué)校96機(jī)電1 梁慧
評 語
這是一篇文筆樸素但很有深度的作文。文章從一個(gè)普通女孩親身感受出發(fā)，批評了“重男輕女”的傳統(tǒng)舊思想，同時(shí)也反映了在黨的教育下人們思想面貌發(fā)生了可喜的變化。文章以第一人稱展開，讀來真實(shí)可信，按時(shí)間順序敘事，思路清晰，有些細(xì)節(jié)的刻畫也較為成功，如祖母在重新遇見“我”后的反應(yīng)。另外，語言運(yùn)用也較好，如祖母一再表示自己錯(cuò)了的時(shí)候，“I said nothing but wept happily with her.”其中wept happily（幸福地哭泣），這樣反差強(qiáng)烈的描述，給人留下深刻印象。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）這里動(dòng)態(tài)較強(qiáng)，用主動(dòng)態(tài)為好。be divorced from常表示一種狀態(tài)，如：She has been divorced from the man for three years.
（2）根據(jù)上下文這里用after更準(zhǔn)確。
（3）原文用被動(dòng)語態(tài)是錯(cuò)誤的。
（4）原文用錯(cuò)了動(dòng)詞，give in意為“讓步，接受別人意見”。
（5）原文用錯(cuò)了動(dòng)詞，故改之。
（6）原文用錯(cuò)了動(dòng)詞，故改之。
（7）這里“我”與mother一起作make的賓語，要用賓格me.這種并列賓語，由于代詞遠(yuǎn)離動(dòng)詞，很容易出錯(cuò)，要特別注意。
It was the second summer when[after]（2）I came to the secondary school. Our teacher asked us to do some social investigation（社會(huì)調(diào)查）in the local areas. I thought of the village where my paternal relatives lived. I decided to go there. I wanted to find out if there were any changes there and at the same time I wanted to show them that a girl also deserved（應(yīng)該得到）a bright future.
Arriving at the village， I not only saw blue water， greenhills and many beautiful buildings， but also saw golden rice in the field and ripe fruits in the trees. I wondered if my father and relatives， especially （尤其是） Grandmother， had become equally lovely. The village head welcomed me. After hearing my story， he said that after my mother had left， my father had got married again. However， the first child was still a girl. Grandmother insisted that she wanted to have a grandson， but the family planning policy （計(jì)劃生育政策） wasn't allowed [didn't allow that]（3）。 The village head tried over and over again to make Grandmother change her mind. Seeing that the next-door neighbour had no money to support their three children to go to school， Grandmother finally ，failed [gave in]（4）。 She no longer wanted a boy. She realized that a family with three or four children would hardly live better. Since then， their family life became better and better with only one child to bring up. Then Grandmother and Father always reminded [remembered] （5） me. They felt sorry to have treated Mother and me wrongly.
My investigation was coming to the end when Grandmother chanced to meet me in the street. She stared at me for a few minutes and finally identified [recognized] （6） me， “Granddaughter， Granddaughter，” she said over and over again， tears coming to her eyes. That afternoon， I had a delicious supper with my father's family. They treated me like a “princess”。 Late in the evening， I still sat next to Grandmother. She said she had never been at ease until she saw me. She said it was her old traditional ideas that had made Mother and I [me] （7） suffer so much. She said that again and again. I said nothing but wept happily with her.
The dark night passed quickly without our knowing it. In the morning， everything looked lively and lovely. The early rising villagers were preparing to take their farming goods to the town. I was extremely pleased with myself.
The sleeping village has woken up. Great changes have taken place in this small village.
廣西柳州市工業(yè)學(xué)校96機(jī)電1 梁慧
評 語
這是一篇文筆樸素但很有深度的作文。文章從一個(gè)普通女孩親身感受出發(fā)，批評了“重男輕女”的傳統(tǒng)舊思想，同時(shí)也反映了在黨的教育下人們思想面貌發(fā)生了可喜的變化。文章以第一人稱展開，讀來真實(shí)可信，按時(shí)間順序敘事，思路清晰，有些細(xì)節(jié)的刻畫也較為成功，如祖母在重新遇見“我”后的反應(yīng)。另外，語言運(yùn)用也較好，如祖母一再表示自己錯(cuò)了的時(shí)候，“I said nothing but wept happily with her.”其中wept happily（幸福地哭泣），這樣反差強(qiáng)烈的描述，給人留下深刻印象。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）這里動(dòng)態(tài)較強(qiáng)，用主動(dòng)態(tài)為好。be divorced from常表示一種狀態(tài)，如：She has been divorced from the man for three years.
（2）根據(jù)上下文這里用after更準(zhǔn)確。
（3）原文用被動(dòng)語態(tài)是錯(cuò)誤的。
（4）原文用錯(cuò)了動(dòng)詞，give in意為“讓步，接受別人意見”。
（5）原文用錯(cuò)了動(dòng)詞，故改之。
（6）原文用錯(cuò)了動(dòng)詞，故改之。
（7）這里“我”與mother一起作make的賓語，要用賓格me.這種并列賓語，由于代詞遠(yuǎn)離動(dòng)詞，很容易出錯(cuò)，要特別注意。