I planted a rose in front of my house in November last year [last November]（1）。 I was eager to see it bloom（開花）so I watered it almost every day. The rose grew quickly.
Spring has come. The rose plant is much taller than it used to be[has grown much taller]（2）。 Many green leaves have come up[out]（3）together with some buds（蓓蕾）。 One Sunday morning while I was watering the plant， I was surprised to see a red rose blooming. It seemed as if it were a beautiful shy girl selflessly giving out fragrance（芳香）， with which I was intoxicated（陶醉）?！癘h， that's great！”I cried out to my sister. “Come to see what is happening.”She ran up to me.“How nice it is！”she said，“I can hardly believe my eyes！”
In the afternoon when I returned home after visiting a friend， I went to see the rose again. To my astonishment（吃驚）， the beautiful flower was not there. Tears came to my eyes. “It must have been a naughty boy who had picked it，”[“A naughty boy must have picked it，”]（4）I said to my sister.“It was I who picked the flower，”she replied in a low voice. I could hardly believe my ears.“Isn't anything worth doing than to pick the rose？[”Isn't there anything else better worth doing than picking the rose for fun？“I shouted at her.]（5）”But， but…“she choked（哽咽）with sob.
I left my sister and went upstairs angrily. Through a window， I caught sight of a blind girl near my house holding the[a]（6）red rose and smelling it with a smile. I suddenly realized what had happened.
I rushed downstairs. Holding my sister's hands， I said， “I'm sorry. I have misunderstood[wronged]（7）you.”“Never mind，”she said，“blind people also need beauty and love. We should do what we can to help them.”With the words， we went to the blind girl together.
青浦縣朱家角中學(xué) 陸英
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
全文句子結(jié)構(gòu)變化較多，用詞也較客觀準(zhǔn)確，對(duì)玫瑰花及種花人愛花的心情描寫得尤為出色。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）去年11月（而今年11月還沒有到）一般可說(shuō)成last Norember.
（2）used to表示過(guò)去習(xí)慣，暗示現(xiàn)在已不再如此。在此用得不恰當(dāng)。
（3）花芽、花蕾等長(zhǎng)出來(lái)用come out，不用come up.
（4）改后的句子較簡(jiǎn)潔。如要保留原來(lái)的“It+be+that”的強(qiáng)凋式結(jié)構(gòu)，had picked應(yīng)改成picked.句中must have been是表示“對(duì)過(guò)去的肯定推測(cè)”，實(shí)質(zhì)是過(guò)去式，所以had picked不妥。
（5）原句是中國(guó)式英語(yǔ)，句子結(jié)構(gòu)也不清楚，故改之。
（6）如用the，成了作者看到盲孩時(shí)已經(jīng)知道她手里拿的就是自己那朵玫瑰花，這顯然與實(shí)際不符。作者只可能先看到盲孩手里拿著一朵玫瑰花，然后才意識(shí)到那是自己的那朵。
（7）misunderstand是指“誤會(huì)”，用在這里與上下文不符，wrong作動(dòng)詞表示“冤枉”。
Spring has come. The rose plant is much taller than it used to be[has grown much taller]（2）。 Many green leaves have come up[out]（3）together with some buds（蓓蕾）。 One Sunday morning while I was watering the plant， I was surprised to see a red rose blooming. It seemed as if it were a beautiful shy girl selflessly giving out fragrance（芳香）， with which I was intoxicated（陶醉）?！癘h， that's great！”I cried out to my sister. “Come to see what is happening.”She ran up to me.“How nice it is！”she said，“I can hardly believe my eyes！”
In the afternoon when I returned home after visiting a friend， I went to see the rose again. To my astonishment（吃驚）， the beautiful flower was not there. Tears came to my eyes. “It must have been a naughty boy who had picked it，”[“A naughty boy must have picked it，”]（4）I said to my sister.“It was I who picked the flower，”she replied in a low voice. I could hardly believe my ears.“Isn't anything worth doing than to pick the rose？[”Isn't there anything else better worth doing than picking the rose for fun？“I shouted at her.]（5）”But， but…“she choked（哽咽）with sob.
I left my sister and went upstairs angrily. Through a window， I caught sight of a blind girl near my house holding the[a]（6）red rose and smelling it with a smile. I suddenly realized what had happened.
I rushed downstairs. Holding my sister's hands， I said， “I'm sorry. I have misunderstood[wronged]（7）you.”“Never mind，”she said，“blind people also need beauty and love. We should do what we can to help them.”With the words， we went to the blind girl together.
青浦縣朱家角中學(xué) 陸英
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
全文句子結(jié)構(gòu)變化較多，用詞也較客觀準(zhǔn)確，對(duì)玫瑰花及種花人愛花的心情描寫得尤為出色。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）去年11月（而今年11月還沒有到）一般可說(shuō)成last Norember.
（2）used to表示過(guò)去習(xí)慣，暗示現(xiàn)在已不再如此。在此用得不恰當(dāng)。
（3）花芽、花蕾等長(zhǎng)出來(lái)用come out，不用come up.
（4）改后的句子較簡(jiǎn)潔。如要保留原來(lái)的“It+be+that”的強(qiáng)凋式結(jié)構(gòu)，had picked應(yīng)改成picked.句中must have been是表示“對(duì)過(guò)去的肯定推測(cè)”，實(shí)質(zhì)是過(guò)去式，所以had picked不妥。
（5）原句是中國(guó)式英語(yǔ)，句子結(jié)構(gòu)也不清楚，故改之。
（6）如用the，成了作者看到盲孩時(shí)已經(jīng)知道她手里拿的就是自己那朵玫瑰花，這顯然與實(shí)際不符。作者只可能先看到盲孩手里拿著一朵玫瑰花，然后才意識(shí)到那是自己的那朵。
（7）misunderstand是指“誤會(huì)”，用在這里與上下文不符，wrong作動(dòng)詞表示“冤枉”。