Once I got a cat from my uncle. The cat had black and white hair which looked beautiful. Every day at noon， the cat close its eyes[she would narrow her eyes]（1）into a line， appearing listless（倦怠的）。
My cat was skillful at catching mice. When there were some mice， she would soon get vigilant（警惕的）。 Glaring at the mouse that she was going to catch， she stretched（展開(kāi)）her body and put her forelegs low and straight， ready to attack. When the mouse moved， she made a sudden spring（彈跳）at the mouse and caught it. Then she would have a tasty meal.
My cat not only could[could not only]（2）catch mice， but also could[but also]（2）play with a person. Once， I was tired at a tease[was getting tired by a knotty problem（難題）]（3）when the cat came. She jumped onto my lap and skipped from one of my knees to the other. Then she jumped back down to the ground and began to play with her own tail， running in a circle. How amusing she was！
Another time I happened to place a mirror before the cat. At first， she looked at the mirror this way and that， surprised at the sight of another“cat”。 Then， she stretched[out]（4）her paw behind the mirror to find what was there. When the cat found nothing there； she became angry and began to attack the other “cat”。 How funny she was！
My cat was so lovely that I liked her very much. But one day she was poisoned to death by[died of poisoning after she had]（5）a rat which had just eaten poison. How sad I was then！ I lost one of my best friends. Since then， whenever I have seen other people's cats， I can't help remembering my lovely cat. [Since then， the mere sight of any cat has always reminded me of my lovely cat.]（6）
山東省晉城市第一中學(xué) 丁林鵬
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
本文對(duì)貓的動(dòng)態(tài)描寫(xiě)較為出色，特別是緊扣題目，在文章細(xì)節(jié)選擇上重點(diǎn)突出貓的lovely（可愛(ài)之處）。詞匯的運(yùn)用豐富生動(dòng)。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）close有“關(guān)閉”的意思，改為narrow較好。加上would表示過(guò)去習(xí)慣。另外，將it改成擬人化的she更說(shuō)明與主人的親密關(guān)系。
（2）嚴(yán)格地講，連接性詞組“not only…but also”在此連接的是catch mice和play with a person這兩個(gè)部分，而不是could catch mice和could play with a person.
（3）前半句用進(jìn)行時(shí)態(tài)表示背景。實(shí)際上“…was/weredoing…when…did（一般過(guò)去時(shí)）…”是一個(gè)常用句型，表示在“……背景下發(fā)生了……事”。tease表示“難題”是俚語(yǔ)，不宜模仿，故改之。
（4）stretch的賓語(yǔ)應(yīng)是本身確實(shí)可以收縮伸長(zhǎng)的東西。如stretch one's arm/leg/body等，但paw不能，故加上out表示“伸出”。
（5）原句有老鼠故意主動(dòng)殺死貓的意思，故改之。
（6）句中用了since then，句中的謂語(yǔ)部分（不包括從句的謂語(yǔ)部分）應(yīng)該用完成時(shí)態(tài)，修改后的句子用一個(gè)名詞詞組（the mere sight of any cat）代替了一個(gè)由whenever引出的時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句，顯得更為簡(jiǎn)潔。
My cat was skillful at catching mice. When there were some mice， she would soon get vigilant（警惕的）。 Glaring at the mouse that she was going to catch， she stretched（展開(kāi)）her body and put her forelegs low and straight， ready to attack. When the mouse moved， she made a sudden spring（彈跳）at the mouse and caught it. Then she would have a tasty meal.
My cat not only could[could not only]（2）catch mice， but also could[but also]（2）play with a person. Once， I was tired at a tease[was getting tired by a knotty problem（難題）]（3）when the cat came. She jumped onto my lap and skipped from one of my knees to the other. Then she jumped back down to the ground and began to play with her own tail， running in a circle. How amusing she was！
Another time I happened to place a mirror before the cat. At first， she looked at the mirror this way and that， surprised at the sight of another“cat”。 Then， she stretched[out]（4）her paw behind the mirror to find what was there. When the cat found nothing there； she became angry and began to attack the other “cat”。 How funny she was！
My cat was so lovely that I liked her very much. But one day she was poisoned to death by[died of poisoning after she had]（5）a rat which had just eaten poison. How sad I was then！ I lost one of my best friends. Since then， whenever I have seen other people's cats， I can't help remembering my lovely cat. [Since then， the mere sight of any cat has always reminded me of my lovely cat.]（6）
山東省晉城市第一中學(xué) 丁林鵬
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
本文對(duì)貓的動(dòng)態(tài)描寫(xiě)較為出色，特別是緊扣題目，在文章細(xì)節(jié)選擇上重點(diǎn)突出貓的lovely（可愛(ài)之處）。詞匯的運(yùn)用豐富生動(dòng)。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）close有“關(guān)閉”的意思，改為narrow較好。加上would表示過(guò)去習(xí)慣。另外，將it改成擬人化的she更說(shuō)明與主人的親密關(guān)系。
（2）嚴(yán)格地講，連接性詞組“not only…but also”在此連接的是catch mice和play with a person這兩個(gè)部分，而不是could catch mice和could play with a person.
（3）前半句用進(jìn)行時(shí)態(tài)表示背景。實(shí)際上“…was/weredoing…when…did（一般過(guò)去時(shí)）…”是一個(gè)常用句型，表示在“……背景下發(fā)生了……事”。tease表示“難題”是俚語(yǔ)，不宜模仿，故改之。
（4）stretch的賓語(yǔ)應(yīng)是本身確實(shí)可以收縮伸長(zhǎng)的東西。如stretch one's arm/leg/body等，但paw不能，故加上out表示“伸出”。
（5）原句有老鼠故意主動(dòng)殺死貓的意思，故改之。
（6）句中用了since then，句中的謂語(yǔ)部分（不包括從句的謂語(yǔ)部分）應(yīng)該用完成時(shí)態(tài)，修改后的句子用一個(gè)名詞詞組（the mere sight of any cat）代替了一個(gè)由whenever引出的時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句，顯得更為簡(jiǎn)潔。