I liked[began to like]（1）bamboo at the first sight of it， because I was deeply impressed by its life-force.
Last summer， I made a trip to the Muogan Mountains. Situated（位于）in Zhejiang Province， the Muogan Mountains is famous for bamboo. Because of this， the mountain is a tourist attraction in summer.
A vast amount of bamboo stands straight on the mountains.In the scorching（炎熱的）summer， high bamboo plants with their slim leaves stand still， hiding the villas（別墅）。 However， towards the evening， they sway（搖擺）in the gentle evening breeze with their slender leaves brushing（擦刮）the roofs and walls of the houses. Their shade makes the temperature in the house much lower than outside[than that outside]（2）。 People can do whatever they feel like doing in the cool house without sweating（出汗）。 This side effect of the bamboo creates an ideal place for people who dislike hot weather.
During my stay in Muogan， I paid a visit to a local“Bamboo Exhibition.”I was surprised when I entered the hall which was a world of bamboo products. On display items[The items on display]（3）， from shelters to utensils（用具）， were all made of bamboo. They displayed all species（種類）of hamboo that exist in the world. There was a bamboo house with bamboo chairs and tables， beautiful and comfortable. What struck me most was a pair of hand-made bamboo lamps. One was a lifelike dragon and the other an uprising phoenix（鳳凰）。 Thousands of strips（條）of bamboo no thicker than hair shaped the dragon and phoenix. During my visit， I came to know why people use bamboo in their life. It can withstand（忍受）hardship and resist rotting（腐爛）。
I like bamboo most importantly because the high， straight plant represents a spirit of strong will， never losing heart. If it were ever weak-minded， how could tender（嫩的）young bamboo shoots（竹筍）break the hard layers of earth and dirt？ Whenever I meet with difficulties， I always think of bamboo which gives me courage and strength to overcome the difficulties.
by Ye Zhengdao
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章首先從靜態(tài)、動(dòng)態(tài)兩個(gè)方面對(duì)竹子外貌作了生動(dòng)的描寫，然后通過(guò)對(duì)竹子展覽會(huì)的介紹，描述了竹子的多種用途，在最后一段中突出描寫了竹子的性格。全文用詞準(zhǔn)確，且無(wú)重大語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）at the first sight of sth. 有“第一眼看到某物（就怎么樣）”的含義，故謂語(yǔ)加上began予以呼應(yīng)。
（2）原句中in the house作后置定語(yǔ)修飾the temperature，而more than結(jié)構(gòu)中要求比較的兩者在語(yǔ)法成分上相一致，因此outside前要加上that以代替the temperature，這樣一來(lái)outside也成了that的后置定語(yǔ)，就能加以比較了。
（3）on display應(yīng)該是item的后置定語(yǔ)。
Last summer， I made a trip to the Muogan Mountains. Situated（位于）in Zhejiang Province， the Muogan Mountains is famous for bamboo. Because of this， the mountain is a tourist attraction in summer.
A vast amount of bamboo stands straight on the mountains.In the scorching（炎熱的）summer， high bamboo plants with their slim leaves stand still， hiding the villas（別墅）。 However， towards the evening， they sway（搖擺）in the gentle evening breeze with their slender leaves brushing（擦刮）the roofs and walls of the houses. Their shade makes the temperature in the house much lower than outside[than that outside]（2）。 People can do whatever they feel like doing in the cool house without sweating（出汗）。 This side effect of the bamboo creates an ideal place for people who dislike hot weather.
During my stay in Muogan， I paid a visit to a local“Bamboo Exhibition.”I was surprised when I entered the hall which was a world of bamboo products. On display items[The items on display]（3）， from shelters to utensils（用具）， were all made of bamboo. They displayed all species（種類）of hamboo that exist in the world. There was a bamboo house with bamboo chairs and tables， beautiful and comfortable. What struck me most was a pair of hand-made bamboo lamps. One was a lifelike dragon and the other an uprising phoenix（鳳凰）。 Thousands of strips（條）of bamboo no thicker than hair shaped the dragon and phoenix. During my visit， I came to know why people use bamboo in their life. It can withstand（忍受）hardship and resist rotting（腐爛）。
I like bamboo most importantly because the high， straight plant represents a spirit of strong will， never losing heart. If it were ever weak-minded， how could tender（嫩的）young bamboo shoots（竹筍）break the hard layers of earth and dirt？ Whenever I meet with difficulties， I always think of bamboo which gives me courage and strength to overcome the difficulties.
by Ye Zhengdao
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章首先從靜態(tài)、動(dòng)態(tài)兩個(gè)方面對(duì)竹子外貌作了生動(dòng)的描寫，然后通過(guò)對(duì)竹子展覽會(huì)的介紹，描述了竹子的多種用途，在最后一段中突出描寫了竹子的性格。全文用詞準(zhǔn)確，且無(wú)重大語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤。文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）at the first sight of sth. 有“第一眼看到某物（就怎么樣）”的含義，故謂語(yǔ)加上began予以呼應(yīng)。
（2）原句中in the house作后置定語(yǔ)修飾the temperature，而more than結(jié)構(gòu)中要求比較的兩者在語(yǔ)法成分上相一致，因此outside前要加上that以代替the temperature，這樣一來(lái)outside也成了that的后置定語(yǔ)，就能加以比較了。
（3）on display應(yīng)該是item的后置定語(yǔ)。