Of the four seasons in the year， I like autumn best. It's doubtless that there are many lovable things in the year round. Some people may appreciate the sprouts （新芽） of spring， the thunderstorm of summer， or the snowflakes （雪花） of winter. I， too， value those presents of the nature very much. Autumn， however， to my opinion， is the soul （靈魂） of the year [is the soul of the year in my opinion] （1）。
Clearly， autumn is the season of foliage （葉子）。 There are leaves of so many colors that no painter has enough pigments （顏料） to draw them down [paint them] （2）， and that no author has enough words to describe them. This wonder can only be credited to （歸功于） the nature. I am always attracted by the beauty of the colorful leaves. Even a single leaf has a lot of hues （色彩）。 Is it green， brown， yellow， or red？ I just cannot tell the definite one [colour] （3）。 When held against the shining sun， the yellow leaf itself is shining like gold.
The high blue sky is another charm （迷人之處） of autumn. It seems like a wise old man， calm and high-spirited， and is always generous （慷慨的） with tepid [pleasant] （4） sunshine and clear weather.
Those leaves and the blue sky， though arousing my love for autumn， are still not the dearest characteristics of the season. The leaves are fragile （脆弱的） and will fall one day. And sometimes in other seasons， the sky may be clearer， the summer [in the summer] （5） after a shower， for example. But no other season is comparable to the autumn in terms of its“wisdom”。 It benefits people with not only the harvest but also the magnificent scene （美妙的景色）。 It really shows the intellect of the nature.
We human beings also have the spirit of the autumn. Have you ever seen old people doing morning exercises？ In spite of their old age and fragile bodies， they are still active and industrious. They are to the society what beautiful leaves of the autumn to the nature. I am really moved by them. I really love autumn.
上海市向明中學(xué)高三（2）班 侯燕
評 語
這是篇頗有抒情味的描述文，作者從秋天的葉子，寫到秋天的天空，而后指出秋天最美的東西是其“成熟的智慧”，同時將人類與其相比，使文章有了一定的深度。從詞語的選擇和句型的運用還可以看出作者的英語語言基礎(chǔ)不錯，如：appre ciate， hue， be credited to， They are to the society what beautiful leaves of the autumn to the nature等等。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1）原文介詞to用錯了，應(yīng)為in my opinion.另外，原文有給人支離破碎的感覺。
（2）draw是用鉛筆、鋼筆畫圖；用顏料畫圖，動詞一般用paint.另外，原文中的down也是多余的。
（3）原文中的代詞one指代不清，不如去掉，直說colour.
（4）tepid用得不當(dāng)。作者的意思大概是秋天的太陽既不很熱，也不很冷。但根據(jù)Longman詞典，tepid意為“only slightly warm”，常有抽象含義，如tepid relationship/interest等。
（5）原句主語是the sky， summer是時間狀語，其前面應(yīng)該加介詞in.
Clearly， autumn is the season of foliage （葉子）。 There are leaves of so many colors that no painter has enough pigments （顏料） to draw them down [paint them] （2）， and that no author has enough words to describe them. This wonder can only be credited to （歸功于） the nature. I am always attracted by the beauty of the colorful leaves. Even a single leaf has a lot of hues （色彩）。 Is it green， brown， yellow， or red？ I just cannot tell the definite one [colour] （3）。 When held against the shining sun， the yellow leaf itself is shining like gold.
The high blue sky is another charm （迷人之處） of autumn. It seems like a wise old man， calm and high-spirited， and is always generous （慷慨的） with tepid [pleasant] （4） sunshine and clear weather.
Those leaves and the blue sky， though arousing my love for autumn， are still not the dearest characteristics of the season. The leaves are fragile （脆弱的） and will fall one day. And sometimes in other seasons， the sky may be clearer， the summer [in the summer] （5） after a shower， for example. But no other season is comparable to the autumn in terms of its“wisdom”。 It benefits people with not only the harvest but also the magnificent scene （美妙的景色）。 It really shows the intellect of the nature.
We human beings also have the spirit of the autumn. Have you ever seen old people doing morning exercises？ In spite of their old age and fragile bodies， they are still active and industrious. They are to the society what beautiful leaves of the autumn to the nature. I am really moved by them. I really love autumn.
上海市向明中學(xué)高三（2）班 侯燕
評 語
這是篇頗有抒情味的描述文，作者從秋天的葉子，寫到秋天的天空，而后指出秋天最美的東西是其“成熟的智慧”，同時將人類與其相比，使文章有了一定的深度。從詞語的選擇和句型的運用還可以看出作者的英語語言基礎(chǔ)不錯，如：appre ciate， hue， be credited to， They are to the society what beautiful leaves of the autumn to the nature等等。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點評修改如下：
（1）原文介詞to用錯了，應(yīng)為in my opinion.另外，原文有給人支離破碎的感覺。
（2）draw是用鉛筆、鋼筆畫圖；用顏料畫圖，動詞一般用paint.另外，原文中的down也是多余的。
（3）原文中的代詞one指代不清，不如去掉，直說colour.
（4）tepid用得不當(dāng)。作者的意思大概是秋天的太陽既不很熱，也不很冷。但根據(jù)Longman詞典，tepid意為“only slightly warm”，常有抽象含義，如tepid relationship/interest等。
（5）原句主語是the sky， summer是時間狀語，其前面應(yīng)該加介詞in.