Firstly， （1） let me draw your eyes. They are so kind and so warm and have brightened our hearts. When we made mistakes， they comforted us. When we made achievements， they praised us. When we hesitated （躊躇）， they encouraged （鼓勵(lì)） us. To draw them well， I have observed them for a long time. But I still can't draw them accurately （精確地）。
Next， let me draw your hands. They are so powerful that we have obtained so much from them since our childhood. It is your hands that have taught us writing， living and behaving. However， most of the time， they are writing on the blackboard with a piece of chalk. Under them spread [Following them are] （2） beautiful characters and pictures I kept [keep] （3） on drawing and drawing， but how can I draw them more exactly？
I will draw your hair now. Do you remember how beautiful your hair was， black and bright， when you just graduated from a university？ What about today？ [How is it today？] （4） It is no longer bright and you have a head of white. I know the reason： the more we gain， the more white hair you will have. But can I draw it only in this way？
I draw and draw， but， I can't do well， because it was too far away from your real portrait [what I have drawn is far from being your real image] （5）。 Now I see， to draw [If I want to draw] （6） your portrait accurately， the best way is to be a teacher myself， but can I？
Sorry， teacher， it's beyond my power to draw your portrait exactly. I can only keep your portrait in my mind as other students do. When my grandpa heard this， he said it has been done [When I said this to my grandpa， he said that this has been true] （7） from generation to generation.
湖北省興山縣第一中學(xué)高三（1）班 Xia Xiaoyan
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
寫老師，贊美老師，似乎是學(xué)生作文的一個(gè)永恒的主題。但本文的描述視點(diǎn)十分新穎生動(dòng)，從給老師畫像著手，贊美老師對(duì)學(xué)生的辛勤培養(yǎng)，在每段描述文字的最后，都有一個(gè)設(shè)問(wèn)句，從獨(dú)特的角度深化主題。盡管文章的個(gè)別句子有些別扭，但就總體而言，還是一篇寫得很出色的作文?，F(xiàn)就文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）據(jù)Longman詞典，英美有人認(rèn)為用firstly不如用first為好。
（2）spread這個(gè)詞用得欠妥，可用following擬人化地夸張一下。
（3）kept的時(shí)態(tài)似乎用得不合適，還是用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)好。
（4）這里不是問(wèn)關(guān)于today的事，而是問(wèn)頭發(fā)在today的情況，故改之。
（5）原文語(yǔ)義不清，表達(dá)不正確。
（6）按正規(guī)語(yǔ)法：句首不定式表示目的時(shí)，句子主語(yǔ)是做不定式動(dòng)作的主體。因此，這里的不定式可改為if I want to draw your…。
（7）原句突然冒出grandpa作主語(yǔ)，從修辭學(xué)角度考慮，還是以修改后的句子為好。
Next， let me draw your hands. They are so powerful that we have obtained so much from them since our childhood. It is your hands that have taught us writing， living and behaving. However， most of the time， they are writing on the blackboard with a piece of chalk. Under them spread [Following them are] （2） beautiful characters and pictures I kept [keep] （3） on drawing and drawing， but how can I draw them more exactly？
I will draw your hair now. Do you remember how beautiful your hair was， black and bright， when you just graduated from a university？ What about today？ [How is it today？] （4） It is no longer bright and you have a head of white. I know the reason： the more we gain， the more white hair you will have. But can I draw it only in this way？
I draw and draw， but， I can't do well， because it was too far away from your real portrait [what I have drawn is far from being your real image] （5）。 Now I see， to draw [If I want to draw] （6） your portrait accurately， the best way is to be a teacher myself， but can I？
Sorry， teacher， it's beyond my power to draw your portrait exactly. I can only keep your portrait in my mind as other students do. When my grandpa heard this， he said it has been done [When I said this to my grandpa， he said that this has been true] （7） from generation to generation.
湖北省興山縣第一中學(xué)高三（1）班 Xia Xiaoyan
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
寫老師，贊美老師，似乎是學(xué)生作文的一個(gè)永恒的主題。但本文的描述視點(diǎn)十分新穎生動(dòng)，從給老師畫像著手，贊美老師對(duì)學(xué)生的辛勤培養(yǎng)，在每段描述文字的最后，都有一個(gè)設(shè)問(wèn)句，從獨(dú)特的角度深化主題。盡管文章的個(gè)別句子有些別扭，但就總體而言，還是一篇寫得很出色的作文?，F(xiàn)就文章中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）據(jù)Longman詞典，英美有人認(rèn)為用firstly不如用first為好。
（2）spread這個(gè)詞用得欠妥，可用following擬人化地夸張一下。
（3）kept的時(shí)態(tài)似乎用得不合適，還是用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)好。
（4）這里不是問(wèn)關(guān)于today的事，而是問(wèn)頭發(fā)在today的情況，故改之。
（5）原文語(yǔ)義不清，表達(dá)不正確。
（6）按正規(guī)語(yǔ)法：句首不定式表示目的時(shí)，句子主語(yǔ)是做不定式動(dòng)作的主體。因此，這里的不定式可改為if I want to draw your…。
（7）原句突然冒出grandpa作主語(yǔ)，從修辭學(xué)角度考慮，還是以修改后的句子為好。