Never can I forget the night you brought me to your home to help me make up the lessons I had missed. You said I was just on my feet [had just recovered from illness] （1） and bought me a big piece of watermelon （西瓜）。 You were so patient and careful during the lessons that I understood you quite well. I soon caught up with other students.
Remember， sir？ I was [ once] （ 2 ） in an awkward predicament （尷尬處境） but [and] （3） couldn't free myself from it. It was you， my beloved teacher， who came to me and had a heartto-heart talk with me. What you said was so reasonable and moving that I was convinced （被說服）。 I was myself again —— merry and smiling. You said you wished I would always be a little angel. Thank you， sir！
Remember， sir？ That time I took the lead in English contest. It was you who were the first one to come and say， filled with excitement and happiness， “Excellent， Xiao Ying！ Congratulations！ ”
Remember， sir？ Once I failed in an exam. I was so sad that I lay on the meadow [ grass ] （ 4 ） with my face downward ， crying. You softly wiped away my tears， like Father to me， saying，“Be more careful next time， and you are sure to succeed.I looked up and found a look of expectancy and trust. I cheered [cheered up] （5） again.
Remember， sir？ … I'll always remember what you have done for me. I don't know what would have happened without you. Thank you， sir！
It's Teachers' Day again. I wish you， my dear teacher and friend， everything great and wonderful， not only on this day， but during all your life. I wish you would always be as happy， healthy， and wonderful as you have been so far.
Thank you， sir！
海南師范附中高三 劉小英
評 語
本文為慶祝教師節(jié)所作，作者結(jié)合自己的親身經(jīng)歷，以火一樣的感情，詩一般的語言贊美了她的老師。文章以兩個“Thank you，sir”開頭與結(jié)尾，并以四個“Remember，sir？”作為主干，似乎在與老師面對面地傾吐自己的心聲。全文情真意切，且用詞準(zhǔn)確，實(shí)為一篇佳作。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）原文on one's feet可表示“病后恢復(fù)健康”，但這個短語還有很多其他意思，且表示“恢復(fù)健康”時(shí)是一種比喻用法。這里還是直接說明較好。
（2）加上once，使行文更通順。
（3）原文前后無轉(zhuǎn)折含義，不宜用but.改為and，使語勢更進(jìn)一步。
（4）meadow一般是指用作牧場的草地，其實(shí)這里用grass 即可。
（5）根據(jù)Longman詞典，cheer作不及物動詞用時(shí)意為：shout in praise，approval，or support，注意不要與cheer up混淆，cheer up 意為become happier，這里宜改用cheer up.
Remember， sir？ I was [ once] （ 2 ） in an awkward predicament （尷尬處境） but [and] （3） couldn't free myself from it. It was you， my beloved teacher， who came to me and had a heartto-heart talk with me. What you said was so reasonable and moving that I was convinced （被說服）。 I was myself again —— merry and smiling. You said you wished I would always be a little angel. Thank you， sir！
Remember， sir？ That time I took the lead in English contest. It was you who were the first one to come and say， filled with excitement and happiness， “Excellent， Xiao Ying！ Congratulations！ ”
Remember， sir？ Once I failed in an exam. I was so sad that I lay on the meadow [ grass ] （ 4 ） with my face downward ， crying. You softly wiped away my tears， like Father to me， saying，“Be more careful next time， and you are sure to succeed.I looked up and found a look of expectancy and trust. I cheered [cheered up] （5） again.
Remember， sir？ … I'll always remember what you have done for me. I don't know what would have happened without you. Thank you， sir！
It's Teachers' Day again. I wish you， my dear teacher and friend， everything great and wonderful， not only on this day， but during all your life. I wish you would always be as happy， healthy， and wonderful as you have been so far.
Thank you， sir！
海南師范附中高三 劉小英
評 語
本文為慶祝教師節(jié)所作，作者結(jié)合自己的親身經(jīng)歷，以火一樣的感情，詩一般的語言贊美了她的老師。文章以兩個“Thank you，sir”開頭與結(jié)尾，并以四個“Remember，sir？”作為主干，似乎在與老師面對面地傾吐自己的心聲。全文情真意切，且用詞準(zhǔn)確，實(shí)為一篇佳作。文章中某些語言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評修改如下：
（1）原文on one's feet可表示“病后恢復(fù)健康”，但這個短語還有很多其他意思，且表示“恢復(fù)健康”時(shí)是一種比喻用法。這里還是直接說明較好。
（2）加上once，使行文更通順。
（3）原文前后無轉(zhuǎn)折含義，不宜用but.改為and，使語勢更進(jìn)一步。
（4）meadow一般是指用作牧場的草地，其實(shí)這里用grass 即可。
（5）根據(jù)Longman詞典，cheer作不及物動詞用時(shí)意為：shout in praise，approval，or support，注意不要與cheer up混淆，cheer up 意為become happier，這里宜改用cheer up.