My Dream

字號(hào):

It'll not be long before we graduate from senior high school.Every one of us is thinking about the future, cherishing (懷著) the same dream——to have a bright future. What's mine? [I have a dream too. ] (1) My dream [It] (2) is a simple but great one——to be a middle school teacher. Does it sound surprising?
    You, as well as my classmates and friends, may wonder why. These days fewer and fewer people are willing to be devoted to teaching. One of the main reasons is that teachers work too hard but get too little. But I have my own idea about it. I have had the dream since my childhood. I love children. I don't think it's a waste of time to deal with them all the year round. On the contrary, to me it means happiness.
    I prefer to work as a teacher of English. We learn mainly from books. However, millions of books and magazines are written in English. English is really a bridge to so much knowledge. It has become the language of international cooperation in the field of science and technology. The most advanced results in space, nuclear and computer research are also published in it. With the help of English we can learn modern science and technology faster and better from the developed countries. As we all can see, teachers of English are badly needed in our country. What's more, I love English best. I consider it a pleasure and the best choice for me to act as [work as] (3) a teacher of English.
    In a word, the teacher's job is very important, necessary and valuable. I'm determined to devote all my life to the cause of education. I do hope my dream will come true soon.
    江蘇省木瀆中學(xué)高三(1)班 徐建芬
    評(píng) 語(yǔ)
    正如文章所說:現(xiàn)在教師 work too hard but get too little,因此許多人不愿意當(dāng)教師。但是,徐建芬同學(xué)卻夢(mèng)想走上講壇,為教育事業(yè)作貢獻(xiàn),這不能不令人感動(dòng)。但愿她能實(shí)現(xiàn)自己的dream.
    文章思路清晰,語(yǔ)言老練,有些詞語(yǔ)用得很好,如cherish,be devoted to,all the year round,on the contrary等等。文中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下:
    (1)前面已經(jīng)指出了the same dream——to have a bright future,這里再用疑問句,不夠和諧,故改之。
    (2)上文作了改動(dòng),這里相應(yīng)把dream改為it.
    (3)act as有“充當(dāng)……”的意思,不如改為 work as為好。