As we all know. “Failure is the mother of success. ” But，I just want to say： “Success is particularly （1） the baby of confidence. ”
First of all， confidence makes us happier in our life. Life is like a wonderful song， a bright and colourful painting. If confidence is with us in our life， we will find that life really becomes richer and more interesting. Have you ever seen the （2） professional women around you？ In fact， they are not necessarily very beautiful， but from their sweet smiles， you can feel the power of self-confidence that moves and touches us. It is confidence that makes their faces glow with charm （魅力）。
Then， confidence makes us brave and courageous. Have you ever thought about what is the most difficult thing to conquer （征服）？ A bound [boundless]（3 ） ocean？ A vast expanse of desert， or a high and steep mountain？ My answer is “No！” In fact， the most difficult thing to conquer is just yourself. Perhaps you will ask： “Myself？ But why？” Think it over， and you will easily find why. If we lack of [lack]（4）confidence in ourselves， how can we overcome difficulties we meet with？ If we lack of （5 ） confidence in ourselves， how can we succeed in developing ourselves in the future？ And if we lack of （6） confidence in ourselves， how can we do our bit for the construction of our motherland？ Without confidence， nothing can be accomplished. That is to say， if you want to win， you have to believe in yourself.
Those who are full of misgivings （疑慮）， often abase （降低自己身份） themselves. They can't do things well. Some people say： “I believe I am a person of great ability， never shall I do such small things. ” Evidently （顯然） ， they are arrogant（自傲的）。 These people are worth [deserve]（7） to fail in life. So beconfident， but not too proud.
Finally， I would like to use the following words as our mutual（相互的）encouragement：“If you think you can，you can.”
上海市向明中學(xué)高一（2）班 成卓
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章主題積極鮮明，思路清晰，文中用到的一連串排比句式的反問(wèn)句增強(qiáng)了論據(jù)的氣勢(shì)。語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用也較好，詞匯、句型顯示出作者一定的英語(yǔ)基礎(chǔ)，如： It is confidence that makes …，a vast expanse of desert， accomplished， full of misgivings，mutual encouragement等等。
文中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）從模仿諺語(yǔ)的角度出發(fā)，這個(gè)particularly可以不要。其實(shí)，這個(gè)詞也沒(méi)什么特別的意思。
（2）the應(yīng)去掉，這里無(wú)須特指。
（3）可能是boundless的筆誤。
（4）、（5）、（6）根據(jù)上下文，顯然這里lack應(yīng)是動(dòng)詞，lack可作及物動(dòng)詞。lack作不及物動(dòng)詞用時(shí)，后面也不接介詞of，而一般用for或 in（此時(shí)lack常以be lacking形式出現(xiàn)，lacking也可理解為形容詞），如：
As he is very rich， he lacks for nothing.
He is not lacking in physical courage.
而lack作名詞時(shí)，后面常用介詞 of，如： The plants died for lack of water. 顯然，作者這里誤用了名詞lack.
（7）誤用worth，故改之。
First of all， confidence makes us happier in our life. Life is like a wonderful song， a bright and colourful painting. If confidence is with us in our life， we will find that life really becomes richer and more interesting. Have you ever seen the （2） professional women around you？ In fact， they are not necessarily very beautiful， but from their sweet smiles， you can feel the power of self-confidence that moves and touches us. It is confidence that makes their faces glow with charm （魅力）。
Then， confidence makes us brave and courageous. Have you ever thought about what is the most difficult thing to conquer （征服）？ A bound [boundless]（3 ） ocean？ A vast expanse of desert， or a high and steep mountain？ My answer is “No！” In fact， the most difficult thing to conquer is just yourself. Perhaps you will ask： “Myself？ But why？” Think it over， and you will easily find why. If we lack of [lack]（4）confidence in ourselves， how can we overcome difficulties we meet with？ If we lack of （5 ） confidence in ourselves， how can we succeed in developing ourselves in the future？ And if we lack of （6） confidence in ourselves， how can we do our bit for the construction of our motherland？ Without confidence， nothing can be accomplished. That is to say， if you want to win， you have to believe in yourself.
Those who are full of misgivings （疑慮）， often abase （降低自己身份） themselves. They can't do things well. Some people say： “I believe I am a person of great ability， never shall I do such small things. ” Evidently （顯然） ， they are arrogant（自傲的）。 These people are worth [deserve]（7） to fail in life. So beconfident， but not too proud.
Finally， I would like to use the following words as our mutual（相互的）encouragement：“If you think you can，you can.”
上海市向明中學(xué)高一（2）班 成卓
評(píng) 語(yǔ)
文章主題積極鮮明，思路清晰，文中用到的一連串排比句式的反問(wèn)句增強(qiáng)了論據(jù)的氣勢(shì)。語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用也較好，詞匯、句型顯示出作者一定的英語(yǔ)基礎(chǔ)，如： It is confidence that makes …，a vast expanse of desert， accomplished， full of misgivings，mutual encouragement等等。
文中某些語(yǔ)言上的不足之處點(diǎn)評(píng)修改如下：
（1）從模仿諺語(yǔ)的角度出發(fā)，這個(gè)particularly可以不要。其實(shí)，這個(gè)詞也沒(méi)什么特別的意思。
（2）the應(yīng)去掉，這里無(wú)須特指。
（3）可能是boundless的筆誤。
（4）、（5）、（6）根據(jù)上下文，顯然這里lack應(yīng)是動(dòng)詞，lack可作及物動(dòng)詞。lack作不及物動(dòng)詞用時(shí)，后面也不接介詞of，而一般用for或 in（此時(shí)lack常以be lacking形式出現(xiàn)，lacking也可理解為形容詞），如：
As he is very rich， he lacks for nothing.
He is not lacking in physical courage.
而lack作名詞時(shí)，后面常用介詞 of，如： The plants died for lack of water. 顯然，作者這里誤用了名詞lack.
（7）誤用worth，故改之。