觀音：孫悟空，你這個(gè)畜牲。你本來答應(yīng)如來佛祖護(hù)送你師傅唐三藏去取西經(jīng)，你居然跟牛魔王串通要吃你師傅。你知不知道你犯了彌天大罪？
Monkey King, you bastard. You've promised Buddha to help the Longevity Monk to get scriptures in the west. But the King Bull and
you decided to eat your master. Do you know you've made a real big mistake?
悟空：少羅嗦！你追了我三天三夜，因?yàn)槟闶桥宋也挪粴⒛?，不要以為我怕了你了?BR> Bitch! You've followed me for 3 days. I didn't beat you up because you're a woman. Don't think that I'm afraid of you.
唐僧：悟空，你怎么可以這樣跟觀音姐姐講話呢？
Monkey King, be polite to Goddess!
悟空：嘩！不要吵！
Shut up.
唐僧：你又在嚇我！
You scare me again.
觀音：你不是怕我又為什么要打傷紫霞仙子搶她的月光寶盒呢，你不就是想躲開我嗎？
(缺字幕) and stole her Pandora's Box. You just wanna escape.
悟空：既然躲不了那老孫就跟你絕一死戰(zhàn)！(悟空將月光寶盒隨手一拋，正好砸在唐僧頭上。)
Now, I can't escape, I will fight with you.
唐僧：又干什么？(倆人正要?jiǎng)邮?，突然…?
What's up?
唐僧：哎哎哎！大家不要生氣，生氣會(huì)犯了嗔戒的！悟空你也太調(diào)皮啦，我跟你說過叫你不要亂扔?xùn)|西，亂扔?xùn)|西這么做…你看我還沒說完你又把棍子給扔掉了！月光寶盒是寶物，你把他扔掉會(huì)污染環(huán)境。唉，要是砸到小朋友那怎么辦？就算沒有砸到小朋友砸到那些花花草草也是不對(duì)的呀！(悟空一把抓住唐僧手中的月光寶盒)
Don't be angry. You may violate the rule. Monkey King, you're so naughty! I've told you not to throw things! This is wrong to throw things. You've thrown away the stick. Pandora's Box is a treasure. You'll pollute the environment. You'll hurt kids. If there are no kids, it is bad to hurt plants.
唐僧：干什么？
What's up?
悟空：放手！
Let go!
唐僧：你想要??？悟空，你要是想要的話你就說話嘛，你不說我怎么知道你想要呢，雖然你很有誠(chéng)意地看著我，可是你還是要跟我說你想要的。你真的想要嗎？那你就拿去吧！你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎？……
You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I'm very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?
悟空：我Kao！(悟空一拳將唐僧*。)
Shit!
觀音：?。繉O悟空……
Monkey King……
悟空：大家看到啦？這個(gè)家伙沒事就長(zhǎng)篇大論婆婆媽媽嘰嘰歪歪，就好象整天有一只蒼蠅，嗡……對(duì)不起，不是一只，是一堆蒼蠅圍著你，嗡…嗡…嗡…嗡…飛到你的耳朵里面，救命，救命??！(悟空倒地翻滾，異常痛苦。)
See, this guy keeps talking all the time, we don't know what he's talking about. He's just like a fly hanging around. Sorry, not a fly. It's a swarm of flies flying near your ears…… Flying into your brain. Help. Help!
悟空：所以呢我就抓住蒼蠅擠破它的肚皮把它的腸子扯出來再用它的腸子勒住他的脖子用力一拉，呵－－！整條舌頭都伸出來啦！我再手起刀落嘩－－！整個(gè)世界清凈了?，F(xiàn)在大家明白，為什么我要?dú)⑺?BR> So I catch that fly. Open its belly. Take out its intestine. Put its intestine around its own neck. Then I pull the intestine tightly. Everybody, the tongue comes out. I use a blade and cut! Wow! All the people keep silent. Now you know why…… Why I need to kill.
觀音：哼！悟空，你諸多借口，你根本就不想去取西經(jīng)！
Monkey King, you have so many excuses. You don't want to get scriptures in the west.
悟空：說那么多干什么，打呀！我老孫有金剛不壞之身，十個(gè)觀音我都不放在眼里。(倆人一番斗法，悟空被觀音降服收入甘露瓶。)
Shut up please! Beat! I've got a super body. You can't hurt me. I don't scare of any god.
觀音：今天我要替天行道！
I'm gonna punish you.
唐僧：哎哎！徒弟有錯(cuò)做師傅的也有責(zé)任，求姐姐放他一條生路吧！
If a disciple has made a mistake, his master needs to take the responsibility. Goddess, please pardon him!
觀音：我不消滅他沒法兒向玉皇大帝交代！
I have to do so, I need to report to Heaven Emperor.
唐僧：請(qǐng)姐姐跟玉皇大帝說一聲，貧僧愿意一命賠一命！(合十坐地，將法杖向空中一拋)
Goddess, please tell Heaven Emperor, I can sacrifice my life for him.
觀音：Longevity Monk.
唐僧：喃嘸阿彌陀佛！(法杖將唐僧砸死。)
Namonitabhaya……
Ⅲ
(半夜二當(dāng)家用迷魂香使春三十娘現(xiàn)出蜘蛛原形，眾人合力追捕蜘蛛，卻錯(cuò)把雙腳倒立用手走路的寶當(dāng)作蜘蛛精來用火燒，使寶下身著火，幸虧二當(dāng)家用力將火踩滅。)
寶：是誰燒我？
Who burned me?
眾人：(齊聲)不是我！是他！(指二當(dāng)家)
Not me! I have no idea.
寶：我早就猜到是你！(走到二當(dāng)家面前)我早就看穿了你的心肝脾肺腎，你想坐我的位子對(duì)不對(duì)？
I know it's you! I know what you're thinking! You wanna take my place!
二當(dāng)家：沒有啊幫主！
No…… Master……
瞎子：幫主沒有斗雞眼啦！幫主，你的七傷拳全好啦！
Are Master's eyes OK now? Master, how about your wounds?
寶：對(duì)啊！為什么？我打！(一拳打在二當(dāng)家身上)
I'm cured! Why?
瞎子：我明白啦，治七傷拳的方法就是以毒攻毒，傷上加傷！
You must hurt yourself in order to cure the wounds.
寶：有道理！有道理！
It's reasonable!……
瞎子：至于二當(dāng)家呢，他是無心之失嘛！如果不是他踢你小弟弟這幾腳你的傷也不會(huì)好得這么快呀！
You have to thank Asst. Master. If he didn't hit you at the crotch, you won't be healed so fast.
寶：你這么維護(hù)他莫非跟他有一腿？
Do you have an affair with him?
瞎子：(作親密狀)人家對(duì)你是一片癡心嘛！
I love you so much!
寶：去你的！你發(fā)嗔??？懶得理你！(一掌將瞎子推開)二當(dāng)家的，我叫你去殺春三十娘你搞定了沒有？
Go to hell! What are you doing! Stop it! I've told you to kill Ma'am 30th. Have you done that?
二當(dāng)家：春三十娘是個(gè)妖怪，蜘蛛精?。?BR> Ma'am 30th is a devil! Spider Woman!
寶：老弟，象我這么有理性的人，我怎么可能會(huì)接受這種無稽的事情呢？殺了她！
I'm a rational man, I can't accept such ridiculous thing! Kill her!
瞎子：啊？幫主你就這么去??？你不怕他……
Master, aren't you scared?
寶：怕什么？我的傷都全好啦，還怕砍不過她嗎？
Of course not! I'm healed. I will defeat her!
二當(dāng)家：好！有種！
Great! You have guts!
寶：你說有種是吧？
You think so too.
二當(dāng)家：就當(dāng)我沒說好了！
Master, forget I'd say that!
寶：好啊，那你就隨便拿個(gè)家伙到她屋里去亂砍，我在后面掩護(hù)你！
Fine. You just get into her room and finish her off. We'll cover you up!
二當(dāng)家：為什么每次都是我先？
You shouldn't cover me up from the back.
You said you would cover me up so stay closer.
……
(二當(dāng)家半路逃脫，寶只好一人摸進(jìn)春三十娘房間。過了半晌眾人見寶安然無恙地走出來。)寶：(朝房中恭敬地)這里雖說不上山明水秀，可是也別有一番風(fēng)味，兩位住在這里一定會(huì)愛上它，晚安！(帶上房門，走下樓來)
It's not picturesque, but it is unique. You may love this place, eventually. Good night!
眾人：幫主，怎么樣，是不是妖怪？
Master…… She is a devil!
寶：是！而且非常的妖！弄得我的心撲通撲通地亂跳！
Yes! She is a real devil! My heart is pounding!
(突然房門打開，一位妙齡少女沖了出來。) 少女：幫主請(qǐng)留步！(寶立刻轉(zhuǎn)身作風(fēng)度翩翩狀。)少女：師姐說幫主大仁大義乃俠中之俠，能交上幫主這樣的朋友真是三生有幸，今天擱在你們兄弟頭上的錢就當(dāng)請(qǐng)大家買酒喝吧！
Master, stop it! You're a righteous man. It is my pleasure to be your friend. The money put on your bros'heads is all given to you to buy drinks.
寶：嘻嘻嘻嘻嘻！多謝春三十娘一番美意！(少女嫣然一笑，轉(zhuǎn)身入房。)
Thank you very much, Ma'am 30th.
二當(dāng)家：幫主，品位太差了吧？
Master, she's not really good-looking.
寶：各有所好嘛！(說罷也嫣然一笑，轉(zhuǎn)身而去)
But I like her!
瞎子：哇－－！(大哭)
……
(原來那少女是春三十娘的師妹白骨精，名叫白晶晶，只因五百年前與孫悟空惹下一段情緣，此番懷著愛恨交織的心情來到五岳山等托世孫悟空與轉(zhuǎn)世唐三藏相會(huì)。)(寶對(duì)白晶晶一見鐘情，好生打扮卻沒能引起晶晶姑娘的注意。)
寶：這下沒搞頭啦，為什么晶晶姑娘對(duì)我這個(gè)造型完全沒反應(yīng)？沒辦法！
Shit! Jing Jing has no reaction to this image. No way this time.
……
(寶剃了胡須，穿上書生的服裝，站在橋上等晶晶姑娘的出現(xiàn)。) 白晶晶：什么人？
Who?
寶：長(zhǎng)夜漫漫無心睡眠，我以為只有我睡不著覺，原來晶晶姑娘你也睡不著??！
It's a long night, no mood to sleep. I thought I am the only one. But Jing Jing, you're sleepless, too?
白晶晶：是啊！不知道幫主為什么睡不著？
Yes, why can't you sleep?
寶：就是因?yàn)榫ЬЧ媚锬惆 ?BR> Just because of Jing Jing!
白晶晶：我??？
Me?
寶；不錯(cuò)。自從看到晶晶姑娘之后，我決定改過自新不再作賊，為了表示對(duì)姑娘你的誠(chéng)意，我不要再看見以前的我……(回頭一笑)好看嗎？
Yes, when I saw you, I made up my mind that I wouldn't be a robber. I just wanna show my sincerity. I can't face my past. Do you like it?!
白晶晶：是你這個(gè)臭猴子！
You're a monkey?!
寶；?。亢镒?？
Monkey?
白晶晶：孫悟空啊。
Monkey King.
寶：孫悟空？
Monkey King?
白晶晶：你變成人樣就行了？
You think you're alright with a human face?
寶：人樣？！
Human Face?
白晶晶：看來我不用三昧白骨火你是不會(huì)承認(rèn)的！(玉手一指，寶的手馬上起火)
I have to use Skeleton Fire on you.
寶：哇，還用得著嗎？又燒！何苦呢－－？何必呢－－？
You gonna burn me again! Why? Why?
白晶晶：難道我搞錯(cuò)了？(飛身上前將火撲滅)
Did I make a mistake?
寶：哇！干嗎用火焰來燒我？
Why did you use flame bomb to burn me?
白晶晶：你把胡子剃光干什么？你知不知道你少了胡子一點(diǎn)性格都沒有了？
Why did you shave off your beard? You're just another guy without the beard.
寶：是嗎？
Really?……
白晶晶：唉，文也不行武也不行，你不做山賊，你想做狀元?。?BR> You can't do anything. Do you want to be a scholar instead of a robber?
寶：我有想過……
I've thought about this.
白晶晶：省省吧你！改變什么形象，好好地做你山賊這份很有前途的職業(yè)去吧！
Please stop changing image. Being a robber is a good job.
寶：我知道了，我一定會(huì)繼續(xù)努力的！(轉(zhuǎn)身奔去)
I know. I'll try my best!
白晶晶：什么不好象，偏象個(gè)臭猴子！(寶回到房中。)
You look like that thing!
寶：真失??！原來晶晶姑娘喜歡粗獷一面的我！(把剃掉的胡子重新貼在臉上，窺鏡自視，美甚)雖然亂了點(diǎn)，不過總算恢復(fù)了幾分風(fēng)采！(又在腦門上貼了一叢胡子)
So pathetic. Jing Jing loves my violent side. Having the personality again.
……
(寶洗完腳將洗腳布蒙在臉上睡著了，睡夢(mèng)中又回到了水簾洞。) 畫外音：你又回水簾洞來了。
You come back to Waterfall Cave again?
寶：什么？水簾洞！你是誰啊你？怎么老是帶我到這里來干嘛？
Waterfall Cave? Who are you? Why do you bring me here?
畫外音：沒有人帶你來，是你自己要回來的，一個(gè)人離開家太久了總是想要回來的！
No one brings you here. You come here on your own. It is normal to miss your home.
(寶剎那間仿佛看見自己變成了猴子的模樣。)寶：你不要耍我啦，我的家在五岳山第四面一百零一號(hào)B One，你搞錯(cuò)了你聽見沒有，以后不要再煩我了拜托！
Don't scare me! My home is at Mt. Wuyue. You have made a mistake, can you hear me? Don't annoy me, please!
(突然寶被瞎子叫醒，夢(mèng)就此結(jié)束。)
Ⅳ
(斧頭幫去查看過路人的腳底板，寶撿到一串葡萄，卻原來是菩提老祖化身前來救他，并給了他一把照妖鏡去照白晶晶，寶嚇得魂不附體，回到房間后……) 寶：菩什么老母，菩什么老母！
Who? Who the hell……! Who the hell?
菩提老祖：我又變成葡萄啦！
I was turned into grapes.
寶：你在那里？
Where are you?
菩提老祖：我在你的褲?rùn)n里面！
In your trousers.
寶：哇！這么大一坨！
Big grapes!
菩提老祖：那坨是你的，我在你后面！(寶從后腰上發(fā)現(xiàn)了葡萄。)
It's yours. I'm at your back!
寶：再見到你太好了！
That's great to see you.
菩提老祖：你現(xiàn)在相信了？
You trust me now!
寶：相信了相信了！我這里為什么會(huì)有妖怪出現(xiàn)呢？
Yes…… Why do we have devil here?
菩提老祖：笨蛋！(從里屋走出來，摘了寶手上一顆葡萄吃)我告訴你，這些妖怪是在等唐三藏重現(xiàn)人間。五百年前孫悟空被觀音大士所消滅，他師傅唐三藏為了救他，用自己的性命換取孫悟空一次重生的機(jī)會(huì)，希望這只猴子能改邪歸正。
Stupid fool, listen to me. These devils are waiting for the Longevity Monk.
Longevity Monk?
500 years ago, Monkey King was destroyed by Goddess. His master Longevity Monk wanted to save him. He exchanged the monkey's life with his own. He hoped this monkey would be good.
寶：唐三藏為什么在這兒出現(xiàn)你還沒告訴我……
Why does the Longevity Monk need to appear?
菩提老祖：唐三藏當(dāng)年為了普渡眾生不怕千辛萬苦去取西經(jīng)，就是為了借此經(jīng)書感化世人，滿天神佛都被他這種精神所感動(dòng)，因此如來佛祖給了唐三藏一次五百年后重生的機(jī)會(huì)，好讓他徒弟孫悟空保護(hù)他再取西經(jīng)，為什么那么多妖怪在這兒出現(xiàn)你明白了。
He wanted to save the whole world, so he went to India and tried to get scriptures. He hoped they would do good to the people. All devils were impressed by his spirit. Heaven Emperor saw that. He gave the monkey a chance to revive. He planned the master and the disciple to meet here. Then they can finish the journey to the west. Now, you know why there are so many devils here.
寶：噢，怪不得我長(zhǎng)久以來都在做同樣的一個(gè)惡夢(mèng)，在一片漆黑孤獨(dú)的環(huán)境里面，一對(duì)一對(duì)非常色迷迷的眼睛一直在盯著我看，看得我都非常不好意思，就是你這種眼神，有好幾次還盯得我臉都紅了。原來注定我今天撞妖！
So I am having the same dream. In a pitch-dark area, a pair of seductive eyes looking at me, make me embarrassed. Your eyes look like the eyes in my dream. Sometimes, my face becomes red. I have to face the devils tonight!
……
(菩提老祖幫寶捉妖，正斗間牛魔王來了，寶想冒充孫悟空求得牛魔王的保護(hù)，不料牛魔王卻是為了孫悟空勾引鐵扇公主來找他算帳的。蜘蛛精和白骨精聽說他是孫悟空又反過來保護(hù)他，孫悟空趁亂溜走，卻看見剛才被“打死”的瞎子等人也在逃命……) 寶：喂，瞎子，你不是死了嗎？
Blind Bing, you're still alive!
瞎子：我們剛剛是裝死的！
We are in trouble.
寶：我Kao！I服了You！
You're so great.
……
(春三十娘和白晶晶打不過牛魔王，只好帶寶和二當(dāng)家躲進(jìn)盤絲洞。白晶晶與春三十娘反睦成仇，混亂中春三十娘將“催情大法”施在了二當(dāng)家身上，寶帶受傷的白晶晶逃到一座懸崖上。)
寶：你中的毒越來越深，再不解會(huì)死的。
You're poisoned. You'll die if you don't cure yourself.
白晶晶：解了又怎么樣，不開心長(zhǎng)生不死也沒用，開心就算只能活幾天也足夠了。
What for even if I'm cured? Living long is meaningless if you are unhappy. Even your last few days are memorable if you're happy.
寶：如果我告訴你我不是孫悟空你會(huì)怎么樣？
If I tell you I'm not the Monkey King, what do you to do?
白晶晶：我會(huì)殺了你！
I will kill you.
寶：我真的不是孫悟空！這塊真的是照妖鏡，照照看就知道了。
I'm not him, really. This is a magic mirror. You should use it.
白晶晶：什么？你不是他！
You're not him, really?
寶：不是。
I'm not.
白晶晶：你不怕我殺了你嗎？
Don't you scare that I will kill you?
寶：怕！不過沒辦法，因?yàn)槲也幌Ｍ憧吹轿业臅r(shí)候，心里面卻想著另外一個(gè)人。
Yes, but I have no option. Because I don't want you to look at me while you're thinking of another.
白晶晶：我把你給殺了！
I would like to kill you.
寶：來吧！就象你說的，做人不開心就算長(zhǎng)生不死也沒有用！
You said living long was meaningless if you were unhappy.
白晶晶：哇－－！(大哭)(寶想上前安慰，又恐唐突佳人，不料晶晶卻主動(dòng)投懷送抱，倆人感情沖動(dòng)，一觸即發(fā)。)
寶：來吧！
Yes, I'll!
白晶晶：來就來！
(倆人寬衣解帶。) 寶：他母親的，是誰綁的，那么緊！
Shit! Who make this knot?
白晶晶：我來解！(解著解著突然推開寶，大哭起來)
Let me do it!
寶：對(duì)不起啊，我不是故意的，我是看你那么沖動(dòng)，配合你一下而已，我雖然不是什么正人君子，但也不至于趁人之危啊！
Sorry, I don't mean it. You do it strongly. So I wanna do it with you. Although I'm not a righteous man, I won't take advantages from the others.
白晶晶：白天我不習(xí)慣，晚上再說。
I'm not used to do it at daytime. Let's wait till night.
寶：晚上也好白天也好，以后你隨時(shí)需要隨時(shí)吩咐，從今天開始，我會(huì)一直陪著你。
No matter when, call me if you need me. From now on, I'll be with you.
(寶見白晶晶傷勢(shì)嚴(yán)重，回去請(qǐng)春三十娘相救，但第二天返回已不見晶晶，只拾得玉佩一只。)(春三十娘對(duì)二當(dāng)家誤用了“催情大法”而懷了身孕，倆人感情漸生。寶被春三十娘軟禁，無意間從地下挖出可以利用月亮光華穿梭時(shí)空的月光寶盒，突然一股神秘的力量將寶引到了水簾洞。)(寶在洞中找到一幅圖畫，圖畫自行點(diǎn)燃飄在半空。)畫外音：孫悟空，你當(dāng)年罪惡滔天，希望你今生會(huì)大徹大悟，痛改前非！
Monkey King, you'd committed serious offences. I hope you know you're wrong.
寶：誰在說話？
Who's talking?
畫外音：五百年前你師傅唐三藏為了贖你一命，犧牲了他自己，玉皇大帝特意安排你五百年后重投人間，希望你能學(xué)你師傅一樣舍己為人，把你過去的一切罪孽洗清，只要你肯自愿帶上金剛?cè)?，肯改過自新，就可以變回法力無邊的齊天大圣，到時(shí)候你就要負(fù)起取西經(jīng)的重任，把歷史重改，不過從此人間一切與你無關(guān)，再不能有半點(diǎn)情欲半點(diǎn)留戀，要全心皈依我佛。你還沒有變成真正的孫悟空托世，這是因?yàn)槟氵€沒有遇上那個(gè)給你三顆痣的人，當(dāng)你遇上他之后你的一生就會(huì)改變。
500 years ago, your master Longevity Monk sacrificed his life to seve you. Heaven Emperor planned that you revive after 500 years. I hope you'll be like your master. Making sacrifices to save the others. To clean the sin that you've made before. You should put on the Gold Ring on your head. Admit your sin. Then you'll become the super Monkey King. You'll take the responsibility to get scriptures in the west. Rewrite teh history. All things in human life is then none of your business. You can't have any desires anymore. Worship Buddha whole-heartedly. You haven't turned into the Monkey King because you haven't met the guy who gives you the 3 birthmarks. After you see him, your whole life will be changed.
寶：跟我說話嗎？不是跟我說的吧？認(rèn)錯(cuò)人啦！
Are you talking to me? I don't think so. I think you have made a mistake. Crazy!