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It is known to all that the technological and scientific advances have made greater changes to the range and quality of our food. Some people regard it as an improvement while others believe that the change is harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
例:
Recent years have witnessed the(刪) great changes in the range and quality of our food due to the(刪) advancements(advances或者advancement) in technology and science. When it comes to the effects of these changes on people's life, some people regard it a huge step of human beings while others worry that these changes may have negative effects on people’s lives. It is true that both of the views have their reasons.
評: 第一句,注意the的過多使用。
第二句顯得啰嗦,不如直接說:some people regard these changes as a huge step forward for the mankind while others worry that they may have negative effects on people’s lives.
第三句,改為:in my opinion, both views have their own validity.(注意,在表達你的觀點時,要表達出“這是我的觀點”,而不是隨隨便便地用上你的原話中it is true…)
On the one hand, it is undeniable that people's quality of life is (has)improved dramatically since the remarkable development in technology and science indeed helps in dealing with several well-known problems that we human beings are faced with. One of the most important one(problems)may be the(刪 )food shortage. Unlike decades before, many countries have gotten rid of this problem successfully due to the outcome(applications)of genetic engineering. Besides, scientific developments also bring people better ways to store grains and other food properly. This is fairly vital because fewer people would be under threat of eating decayed food, especially in impoverished countries.
評:首句過長。雅思寫作潛規(guī)則:寫作句子長度一般不要超過30。更重要的是,該topic sentence也稍有跑題,要知道本文話題是“changes to food brought by S&T是好還是壞”而不是“development in S&T是好還是壞”。建議修改,比如:On the one hand, the world can better feed itself since some major food problems are being effectively tackled by advanced science and technology in agriculture and other fields.
On the other hand, many people worry that these changes may have influenced their lives in a negative way. For example, modifying the gene of grains is still a heated debate nowadays since some of the scientists argue that this may lead to some uncertain ends, to some extent, even to be destructive. What is more, as it turns out that some precious animals and disgusting insects own abundant nutrition, many of them are becoming dishes nowadays while in past decades most of them would never be cooked. This may be a challenge to traditions and cultures in many counties.
評: 這一段的論證較為孱弱。食品科技的不良影響,1.轉(zhuǎn)基因食品(genetically-modified food)的長期影響還未可期。2.大量反季節(jié)食品的安全性存疑(anti-season food)。3.零食的大爆炸(explosive increase of snack category)應當是現(xiàn)在肥胖問題的一個原因。文中提到的unconventional foods對傳統(tǒng)文化造成沖擊,這個可以說主觀性太強,與話題也無關(科技帶來的食物變化!難道,在科技不發(fā)展的年代,人們不會吃這些東西?)。并且,你用上了“disgusting”,這種強烈色彩的詞慎用!如果,考官正好是一個喜歡昆蟲食物的人,你就完蛋了。
From my personal perspective, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Although there tends to be some uncertainty in such changes, the progress of technology and science already give people a(刪) great means to tackle a variety of urgent problems and I believe such changes will make more contribution to people's lives in the long term.
評:從結(jié)論看到,你chose a side,那么為何在導入段沒有表明你的這個立場呢,這很讓人費解。
并且,你的結(jié)論段偏題有點明顯了。 本文是要討論“科技帶來的食物品質(zhì)和種類的變化對人類的影響”,而不是“科技發(fā)展對人類的生活的影響”。也就是本文實際上要近乎討論“食品科技+農(nóng)業(yè)科技的發(fā)展對人類生活的影響”。
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