本文來自雅思作文網(wǎng)liuxue86.com《網(wǎng)絡(luò)代替學?！?。
很多同學發(fā)來四段式的作文給我，但是真正能寫好四段式的沒有幾個，下面這篇的錯誤比較典型，給大家參考。
題目如下：schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home.What extent do you agree or disagree?
Scientific developments have brought us many benefits, among which the internet must be the most spectacular one. In the near future, it might take the place of schools so that it is convenient for children to obtain knowledge.
我很高興地看到你可以把上課時講的很多句子和單詞應用在這篇四段式文章中，但是我劃橫線的句子表現(xiàn)出了你一定的傾向性，你可以把這句改為（there has long been a discussion about the opinion that whether the internet could take the place of schools.）這樣可以做到客觀的引入話題，而不表明觀點。
With time going by, Internet has become an encyclopedia in some degree. It seems that there are an increasing number of children are fund of getting information from the Internet. Some of them are in a great need of gaining information while others just surf it as a hobby. As is known to all that encyclopedia is large enough to satisfy those little children and of course the knowledge in textbooks is included. In that case, there is no need to employ teachers to teach children. As a result children can study just as well at home and get a good grade.
However, there are certainly demerits in studying at home with the Internet. People who make the webpages can make mistakes and some knowledge is completely wrong. As a child, it is not an easy job to distinguish the information. Unlike at home, children are able to obtain knowledge in a systematic way. Besides, children who study at home are more withdrawn than those who study at schools. What is more, children don’t require teachers and that means people who now are teachers will lose their jobs. It may cause the dissipation of human resources and their families are in great trouble of making a living.
上面一段有兩個問題：
1.負面的問題我覺得分析的不夠，錯誤應該只是一個小的方面，更重要的應該是：沒有人引導，孩子的學習效率會比較低下。
2.我讀了劃橫線的句子后，感覺你的觀點應該是支持網(wǎng)絡(luò)替代學校，因為你用了，certainly這個讓步詞，但是你在下面一段卻表明了跟我的猜測相反的觀點，前后不一致，這個是致命的錯誤。
My view is that schools are still necessary in the future. That is the best way for children to not only get their knowledge in a systematic way but also develop their interpersonal skills. Internet is, in the long run , just a tool to widen their horizons.
如果我打分的話，Band 5
liuxue86.com雅思作文網(wǎng),您的學習好幫手!感謝您閱覽《網(wǎng)絡(luò)代替學?！芬晃?
很多同學發(fā)來四段式的作文給我，但是真正能寫好四段式的沒有幾個，下面這篇的錯誤比較典型，給大家參考。
題目如下：schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home.What extent do you agree or disagree?
Scientific developments have brought us many benefits, among which the internet must be the most spectacular one. In the near future, it might take the place of schools so that it is convenient for children to obtain knowledge.
我很高興地看到你可以把上課時講的很多句子和單詞應用在這篇四段式文章中，但是我劃橫線的句子表現(xiàn)出了你一定的傾向性，你可以把這句改為（there has long been a discussion about the opinion that whether the internet could take the place of schools.）這樣可以做到客觀的引入話題，而不表明觀點。
With time going by, Internet has become an encyclopedia in some degree. It seems that there are an increasing number of children are fund of getting information from the Internet. Some of them are in a great need of gaining information while others just surf it as a hobby. As is known to all that encyclopedia is large enough to satisfy those little children and of course the knowledge in textbooks is included. In that case, there is no need to employ teachers to teach children. As a result children can study just as well at home and get a good grade.
However, there are certainly demerits in studying at home with the Internet. People who make the webpages can make mistakes and some knowledge is completely wrong. As a child, it is not an easy job to distinguish the information. Unlike at home, children are able to obtain knowledge in a systematic way. Besides, children who study at home are more withdrawn than those who study at schools. What is more, children don’t require teachers and that means people who now are teachers will lose their jobs. It may cause the dissipation of human resources and their families are in great trouble of making a living.
上面一段有兩個問題：
1.負面的問題我覺得分析的不夠，錯誤應該只是一個小的方面，更重要的應該是：沒有人引導，孩子的學習效率會比較低下。
2.我讀了劃橫線的句子后，感覺你的觀點應該是支持網(wǎng)絡(luò)替代學校，因為你用了，certainly這個讓步詞，但是你在下面一段卻表明了跟我的猜測相反的觀點，前后不一致，這個是致命的錯誤。
My view is that schools are still necessary in the future. That is the best way for children to not only get their knowledge in a systematic way but also develop their interpersonal skills. Internet is, in the long run , just a tool to widen their horizons.
如果我打分的話，Band 5
liuxue86.com雅思作文網(wǎng),您的學習好幫手!感謝您閱覽《網(wǎng)絡(luò)代替學?！芬晃?