下面是出國留學網整理的伍迪艾倫經典語錄，歡迎參考。
關于性愛
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
我的感情生活非常糟糕，我最后一次進入一個女人的身體是參觀自由女神像。
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
我和我的老婆唯一一次同時獲得高潮，是在法官簽署離婚文件時。
The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody’s going to make fun of you.
性和死亡的區(qū)別在于，死亡你可以獨立完成，而且沒有人會取笑你。
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
做愛就像是玩橋牌。如果你的搭檔不怎么樣，你最好還是依靠自己的雙手吧。
On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
玩雙性戀可以立刻讓你周六晚的約會機會翻倍。
Don’t knock masturbation; it’s sex with someone I love.
不要詆毀擼;擼是我與自己的真愛之間發(fā)生的關系。
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
性減輕壓力，愛情則相反。
Love is the answer. But while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
愛是答案。可是當你在等答案的時候，性會提出幾個很好的問題。
伍迪艾倫的哲學
Can we actually ‘know’ the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
我們能夠確切的了解宇宙嗎?我的天吶，能在唐人街不迷路就夠不易的了。
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind-a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.
宇宙只是上帝的一閃念——這是個叫人很不舒服的念頭，特別是如果你剛剛付了買房子的首期。
Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you’re dressed for it.
永遠的虛無沒什么所謂，如果你為之穿著適當的話。
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
不僅上帝不存在，你試試看周末能不能找到一個水管工吧。
人生感悟
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
世上大體分成好壞兩種人，好人晚上睡得踏實，而壞人更享受醒著的時間。
80 percent of success is showing up.
百分之八十的成功是到場。
關于伍迪艾倫自己
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
我人生的一大遺憾就是我不是別人。
To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.
對你們來說，我是個無神論者;對上帝來說，我是個忠實的反對派。
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.
我不想通過我的作品達到不朽，我想通過不死來達到。我不想活在人們心里，我想活在我的公寓里。
The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.
人們對我最大的兩個誤解是：他們僅僅因為我戴眼鏡，就認為我是知識分子;他們總以為我是藝術家，因為我的電影總是賠錢。這兩個誤解曾盛行一時。
Getting Even (1971)
I don’t believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
我不相信有來生，不過我還是隨身帶一套換洗內衣。
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) (1972)
Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.
性是骯臟的嘛?只有當它被做對了的時候才是。
Sleeper (1973)
My brain: it’s my second favorite organ.
我的大腦是我第二喜歡的器官。
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
哦，他可能是美國國家來福槍協(xié)會的成員，這個組織致力于幫助罪犯獲取槍支以便對市民進行射擊。所以這是一項公共服務。
Love and Death (1975)
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness — I hope you’re getting this down.
去愛就是去受罪，為了避免受罪，就別愛。但是，又會因為沒愛而受罪。所以，去愛是受罪，不去愛也受罪，受罪就是受罪。想要幸福就去愛，之后卻會變成受罪，受罪又會讓人不幸福，因此，想要變得不幸福就去愛吧，或者愛上受罪，或因為太幸福了而受罪——我希望你聽明白了。
Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
人被分成精神和肉體。精神擁抱一切崇高的追求，例如詩或者哲學，而肉體卻享受一切快樂。
After all, there are worse things in life than death. If you’ve ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know what I’m talking about.
畢竟還有比死更糟糕的事。如果你曾經和一個賣保險的一起呆過一個傍晚，你就明白我的意思了。
The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
關鍵是，不要把死亡當作一種終結，而是從更積極的角度去把它當作一種削減開銷的手段。
Sonja: “Violence is justified in the service of mankind!”
Boris: Who said that?
Sonja: Attila the Hun!
Boris: You’re quoting a Hun to me?
Sonja: 為了全人類的利益，暴力是有理的。?
Boris: 這是誰說的?
Sonja: 匈奴王阿提拉!?
Boris: 你在跟我引用匈奴人的話?
Sonja: Sex without love is an empty experience!
Boris: Yes, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best!
Sonja: 沒有愛的性是一種空虛的體驗。?
Boris: 是的，但在所有空虛的體驗里，它算是最棒的那一種了。
Countess: You are a great lover!
Boris: I practice a lot when I’m alone.
Countess: 你真是個好情人!
Boris: 我獨自一人時經常練習。
Him: Come to my quarters tomorrow at three.
Sonja: I can’t.
Him: Please!
Sonja: It’s immoral. What time?
Him: Who is to say what is moral?
Sonja: Morality is subjective.
Him: Subjectivity is objective.
Sonja: Moral notions imply attributes to substances which exist only in relational duality.
Him: Not as an essential extension of ontological existence.
Sonja: Can we not talk about sex so much?
Him: 明天三點來我家吧。
Sonja: 我不去。?
Him: 求你了來吧。
Sonja: 這是不道德的。幾點?
Him: 道不道德誰說了算?
Sonja: 道德是主觀的。?
Him: 主觀性是客觀的。?
Sonja: 道德觀念蘊涵著只存在于相關的二元性中的實體之屬性。?
Him: 但不是本體論存在的本質擴展。
Sonja: 我們能不總談論性么?
Boris: I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If he was a carpenter, I wondered what he charged for bookshelves.
Boris: 我穿過樹林的時候在思考耶穌的事。如果他是個木匠的話，我想知道他打個書架收費多少錢。
Without Feathers (1975)
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife — a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it’s being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
順便說一下關于死亡的主要問題，主要是對沒有來生的恐懼——這是個令人心灰意冷的想法，特別是對那些不辭辛苦剃須的人。同時還有一種恐懼，是擔心明明有來生可誰也不知道去哪里才能過來生。不過往好的方面看，死是少數幾件只要輕輕松松的躺下就行的事。
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
要是我們世界里的一切都是幻覺，一切東西都根本不存在呢?要真是那樣的話，我地毯肯定買貴了。
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
上帝要是能為我顯顯靈該多好!比如，以我的名字在瑞士銀行存入一大筆錢。
It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
我并不擔心死去……只是希望它來臨的時候，我恰好不在那兒。
Annie Hall (1977)
There’s an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort. One says, “The food at this place is really terrible.”
The other says, “l know, and such small portions.”
That’s essentially how l feel about life: full of loneliness, misery, suffering and unhappiness…and it’s all over much too quickly.
有個老笑話，兩個老太太下榻在卡茨基尼山假日酒店。其中一個說道：“這的食物真難吃。”
另一個說：“是啊，而且量還這么少。”
這跟我對人生的看法是一樣的：充滿了孤獨，悲傷，苦難和不幸……而且這一切又結束得太快了。
I never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
我永遠也不想加入一個有我這種人做會員的俱樂部。
I fell that life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. The horrible would be like terminal cases and blind people, cripples. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. So when you go through life, be thankful that you’re miserable. You’re very lucky to be miserable.
我覺得人生可以分為恐怖的和可悲的兩種?？植谰捅热绲昧私^癥啊，成了瞎子啊或者殘廢了什么的。我不知道他們是怎樣熬過一生的，我無法想象。因此，當你在度過這一生時，應該慶幸你是個可悲的人。能成為一個可悲的人說明你非常幸運。
Annie: lt’s so clean out here.
Singer: Because they don’t throw garbage away. They make it into TV shows.
安妮：這里(指好萊塢比弗利山)真干凈啊。
辛格：因為他們不扔垃圾，他們把垃圾都做成了電視劇。
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
我在玄學考試時因作弊被開除了，我偷看了我旁邊男生的靈魂。
Side Effects (1980)
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
有趣的是，現代天文學家們認為，空間是有限的，這是讓人感到很舒服的一種想法——尤其是對那些從來記不住把東西放在哪的人。
Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)
I bought her this handkerchief… and I didn’t even know her size.
我給她買了這塊手帕，但我還不知道她的尺碼。
Deconstructing Harry (1997)
Between the Pope and air conditioning, I’d choose air conditioning.
在空調和教皇之間，我會選擇空調。
Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
傳統(tǒng)就是對持久性的幻覺。
Doris: You have no values. With you it’s all nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
Harry: Hey, in France I could run for office with that slogan, and win!
Doris:你沒有價值觀，你擁有的僅僅是虛無主義，犬儒主義，挖苦諷刺和性高潮。?
Harry:嘿，在法國我能憑著這句口號就在競選中勝出!
The most beautiful words in the English language aren’t “I love you” but “it’s benign.”
英語中最美的詞句不是“我愛你”，而是“你的腫瘤是良性的”。
All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
有一個真理眾人皆知。我們的生活包含著我們如何去扭曲它。
Standup Comic (1999)
A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said “no.”
簡單說一下口頭避孕，幾周前我曾深切地切身體驗了口頭避孕——我請求一個女孩跟我上床，她說“不”。
I’m not a drinker — my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year’s Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
我不能喝酒——我的身體會承受不了酒精(精神)。除夕夜那天我喝了兩杯馬提尼后，試圖劫持一架電梯飛到古巴。
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
當我被綁架后，我父母立即采取了行動——他們把我的房間租了出去。
| 經典語錄 | 愛情語錄 | 勵志語錄 | 傷感語錄 | 搞笑語錄 | 心情語錄 | 唯美語錄 | 雷人語錄 | 正能量語錄 |
| 經典語錄 | 愛情語錄 | 勵志語錄 | 傷感語錄 | 搞笑語錄 | 心情語錄 | 唯美語錄 | 雷人語錄 | 正能量語錄 |