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寫(xiě)作原文
As is vividly depicted in the picture, two drain pipes are draining much sewage into the river while some chimneys emit poison gas into the sky.(首段內(nèi)容較為簡(jiǎn)略，可適當(dāng)添加)Why do(改為does) our environment get more and more bad(表達(dá)有誤，“越來(lái)越糟”應(yīng)表示為worse and worse)? The main reason is(后面若要跟句子，就應(yīng)該用從句來(lái)表述，加that) there are a lot of factories that(去掉) emit so much sewage and poison gas that aren't purified into our nature directly. Besides, we don't have a few good habits, so you can see littering, spitting and smoking frequently. There are so many people who are using plastic bag.Of course, we need plenty of factories because they will promote the development of our economy. But does it mean that our environment has to be contaminated? Our economy must be development(此處應(yīng)選擇動(dòng)詞，改為developed), but it shouldn't be at the expense of the pollution of our environment. We shouldn't be so selfish that we disregard the next generation. (一句話(huà)中出現(xiàn)兩個(gè)we，不妥，建議作者將此句話(huà)改為：We shouldn’t be selfish to disregard to the next generation )We must protect our environment! On the one hand, it isn't until we dispose of sewage and poison gas that we can emit . On the other hand, we must encourage people to give up the bad habit(改為habits).Let's work together to have a beautiful country!
總體點(diǎn)評(píng)
文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，內(nèi)容完整?？粗愕淖魑囊惶焯煊兴嵘?，我們?yōu)槟愀械礁吲d，這些都是你努力的結(jié)果。但是，文章中的一些小問(wèn)題還是值得注意，比如一句話(huà)中最好不要出現(xiàn)兩個(gè)相同的單詞，遇到這種情況時(shí)，可以換一種思路，想想這個(gè)句子能不能用其他結(jié)構(gòu)表達(dá)，或者該詞能不能用它的近義詞代替等。之前強(qiáng)調(diào)的作者應(yīng)該繼續(xù)堅(jiān)持。期待你的成功，加油吧!
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