寫作原文
In the given picture, there are many parents standing the gate of (outside)the examination room. As we see, they are so worried that the sweat began (begin)to pour down their face. In china, it is common knowledge that the exam decides (may determine)the future of children. Hence, it reflects the problem that the (加上current Chinese表意更完整)educational system is unreasonable.In fact, the problem has existed for several years. Especially in china, the examination score decides the children’s development in the future.(語法正確，但句意不合理。改為the examination score may influence children’s future development.)In a sense, the examination seems to be the only standard that chooses the talents(can be used to select talents). Furthermore, it is so terrible educational system (the educational system is so terrible). I think we must take some effective measures to solve this problem.In my opinion, I think we should adopt the following measures. On the one hand, we should reform the educational institution and establish a more flexible approach to choose the talent (select talents). On the other hand, parents should give up the idea that the exam is the only key to judge (measure)children’s ability.
總體點(diǎn)評(píng)
本文立意正確，內(nèi)容切題，結(jié)構(gòu)完整,需注意以下問題：1、文章的立意雖然正確，且深入切題，但文章的內(nèi)容不夠豐富充實(shí)，原因分析不夠深刻。第二段在分析造成現(xiàn)象的時(shí)候提出了三點(diǎn)“考試決定孩子的未來”“考試是選拔人才的唯一標(biāo)準(zhǔn)”“教育制度很差”——“考試為什么會(huì)決定孩子的未來，它怎樣決定了孩子的未來?”“為什么是選拔人才的唯一標(biāo)準(zhǔn)?(在現(xiàn)有的實(shí)情方面，因?yàn)槠渌椒y以實(shí)施和操作)”“教育制度很差，體現(xiàn)在什么方面?”2、文章內(nèi)容的銜接邏輯不是很清楚，如第二段先說“考試決定未來”后說“考試是選拔人才的唯一標(biāo)準(zhǔn)”，而實(shí)際上“正因?yàn)樵谀壳翱荚囀沁x拔人才的唯一標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，所以考試在某種意義上決定了孩子的未來”。3、文章依然存有少許漢式思維的句子，有的詞組搭配不合理，應(yīng)在此方面加強(qiáng)。多模仿一些經(jīng)典佳句。因此，建議作者以后在寫作之中不要提筆就寫，先列出一個(gè)大綱，把自己的思路理順，使自己的文章邏輯清晰，通順流暢。加油，祝你考研成功!!!
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